


What Lies In The Dark?

by MinaLaVoisin



Category: Ghost Adventures (TV)
Genre: Boy Love, GAC, Love Triangle, M/M, Nak - Freeform, Oh My God, Shameless, Slash, Smut, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:36:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 62,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13124820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinaLaVoisin/pseuds/MinaLaVoisin
Summary: Nick is gone, Zak feels alone and makes a plan about getting Nick back and he uses Aaron to make jealous. But... oh well, Aaron is so sweet and Zak, he doesnt know whether to be with Aaron or wait for Nick. When he almost decides to stay with Aaron, Nick comes back to claim whats his... :-)Wooohooo... I never thought I could write a fic like this, you know, a love triangle, but while watching the Sin City Exorcism episode, where Zak and Aaron "had a moment", my husband came with this crazy theory... what if Zak wants to make Nick jealous and he uses Aaron? I discussed this theory with my NAKettes from our GAC chat and came up with an idea for a fanfic. I thought that I will put it aside, because I was writing a Christmas story, with trees and presents and romantic stuff, but this idea  swept me away like and avalanche and I just wrote and wrote and wrote, while preparing for Christmas, so I had a hard time to write it, but I enjoyed it oh so much :)So, my dear NAKettes, Jane, Denise, Tess, this is my Christmas gift for you <3 Thank you so much for your support in my dark days, you helped me a lot! Have a nice Christmas, girls!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goddess_of_time_and_magic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddess_of_time_and_magic/gifts), [Denise_F](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denise_F/gifts).



> Oh, here is a link to my video for this fanfiction.... https://youtu.be/MkD-xmEWDUM
> 
> Sorry for any grammar mistakes or nonsenses in this fic, I was writing under pressure a little bit :D so...
> 
> Lyrics used in this fic:  
> Nick Jonas - Close feat. Tove Lo  
> SoMo - Pillow Talk (ZAYN cover)  
> A Fine Frenzy - Near To You

_Fuck that!_  
Nick was walking around his livingroom like a soldier.  
_No, no, no!_  
This cant be... Zak... Aaron... no, this cant be true.  
But he saw that. He saw the new episode. He saw that... touch.  
What other people saw was just Zak, placing his hand on Aarons shoulder. What Nick saw, was a touch he knew. He knew the intimacy of that touch. He knew that this touch always ment "No, babe, dont go there, stay here, with me" and he knew that Zak used to touch him in that way everytime he was too scared to let Nick go somewhere by himself.  
But Nick isnt there now. And Aaron does.  
Nick remembered this touch, how Zaks fingertips softly, but firmly caressed his back, holding him in place, holding him next to Zak, holding him close.  
No, this cant be true.  
And Aaron... he leaned back, towards Zaks hand. It was clear. He... he wanted to feel Zaks hand. Nick saw him almost melt under that touch, just for a single second, just for a blink of an eye, but he saw it.  
"Fuck that!" cried Nick out loud.  
No. He needs to stop that. Zak is his, only his. He belongs only to him. And its time for everyone to know that...

\---

Nick and Zak are lovers. Oh no, they _were_ lovers. Nick had to leave and Zak... he almost lost his will to live.  
Nick and Zak shared a little dirty secret together, thats how Zak loved to call their affair, and nobody knew what secret it is. Yes, there were (and still are) fans, and those fans had their crazy theories about Nicks and Zaks lovelife, but even if they would be surprised if they knew, that their thoughts were really close to reality, they didnt in fact knew the truth. They were just guessing the truth because without a proof everything you think about the others is just your fantasy.  
There was no proof of Zak and Nick being together. There was no photography of them kissing in the middle of a dark street at night, although anyone who would just walk by could see them, and it didnt matter if it would be a paparazzi or a normal citizen, it would hit the bulvar media in seconds. Nick was always the one who said that they need to keep their relationship as a secret, that they need to act normal, just as two friends, but he didnt mind his own words that night and he pushed Zak backwards, so he hit a tree with his back and Nick unzipped his pants and worked on Zaks erection with his hands, silencing Zaks moan with kisses and when he kneeled down to continue with his lips and tongue, Zak needed to cover his mouth with his hands, so no one would hear him scream in extasy.  
There was no picture of them and there even wasnt a video of them playing together, although one morning, after GAC investigated one of the many haunted house they visited together, Nick needed to delete the whole file from a static night vision camera because of what it captured that night.  
Nick locked the door behind him and turned the spirit box on, so it would cover up the sounds of sex between them and when Zak started to moaning his name, he pushed his head into a pillow to make him mute when he hit Zaks prostate.

Zak found out that there is something different about Nick, something that grew on him fast, the sound of his calm voice, the spark in his eyes, dark and brown, like chocolate with honey, the roughness of his fingers, as they touched the back of his neck and Zak wasnt sure what to do with his feelings, so he tried to hide them, bury them and forget them, but when he woke up from a hot dream around 2am a few nights after they investigated a building together for a first time and he needed to take care of his hard, almost aching erection, he knew that Nick means a little bit more to him, than just a regular friend would.  
Nick found about Zaks feelings soon after. Zak was always around him, trying to touch him and when he succeeded, Nick could tell that Zak has got wandering hands that he just wasnt able to keep to himself. He tried to ignore it, thinking that Zak is just friendly, but when he found out that he is the only one in their crew that gets so much of Zaks attention, he started to be suspicious.  
After filming the Moon River episode, he and Zak were all alone at their base. Aaron went on his way home an hour ago, so there was no chance for him to see them and Nick knew that well. He decided to ask Zak about his strange behaviour, but he never got a chance. He didnt know if it was just him, his true self or if the possesion changed something inside of him, but when he touched Zaks arm, it was like a lightning, that stroke him right in his soul. He grabbed Zak and pushed him towards a table, and Zak needed to climb on it and sit on it to keep his balance. Nick sneaked right between his legs, forcing Zak to lay down on his back and when he moved his hand down, Zak almost lost his mind and Nick could see him moaning silently, his eyes half closed, his lips parted, wet and trembling and it was too much for him to take, he needed to really feel those lips and he forced Zak to kneel down on the floor and then he shamelessly fucked Zaks mouth, holding his head in place, not giving Zak any chance to escape.  
And thats how it started. It was a game, a game of power, of needing each other, of craving each others body and Nick loved the feeling of dominating Zak and Zak loved the feeling of Nick dominating him. Zak always acted strong and every person, who watched the show thought that Zak leads this pack of curious men, but it was just an image for the public. Zak was the lead investigator, but he was at this position just in front of the cameras. When they werent rolling, he was Nicks little puppy, his sex-doll, that gave him everything Nick needed, whenever he asked for it. And he was damn sure that this is exactly what he wants to be.  
Nicks presence was like magic and when he got too close to Zak, he got an erection immediately and Zak needed to wear baggy pants, so no one would see it happen.  
Sometimes, when Zak crossed the red line, as Nick called those moments, when Zak tried to be too dominative on an investigation, he just refused to talk with him. Thats why sometimes an episode looks like as if they argued before they started to investigate and there was a tension between them. Usually, after filming an episode like this, Nick tied Zak to his iron bed a turtured him with slow kisses, never touching the spots on Zaks body that needed to be touched the most and he made Zak beg in tears and then he just left him there, only to come back in a few moments and take what he claimed to be his and only his. He fucked Zak, fast and hard, and whispered into his ear...  
"Thats how you like it, pretty boy? Thats what you want me to do, huh? Youre mine and you need to obey your master, dont you?"  
...and Zak shivered, when he heard the darkness in Nicks voice, and he was almost scared, but yes, that was what he wanted.  
And then there were moments, when Zak found some girls and used them to pretend that he has a normal life, that he lives just as any other man would live. Nick hated Zaks girlfriends, although it was his idea. _To act like a normal man_ , he said, but he regreted it many times.  
"Pretty boy, youre mine, not hers. I dont want her to touch you or kiss you. You belong to me," said Nick when he held Zaks hands above his head, pinning his body into the bed with his weight and Zak just couldnt resist and after some time he left the girl, because he felt that Nick is right. Zak belongs only to him and only Nick, his master has the right to touch him.  
Pretty boy. Thats how Nick used to call Zak in bed. It was like a magic formula, that kept Zak under Nicks spell.  
Nick never thought that this is something he missed in his life. Dominating someone. Oh no, dominating Zak, to be exact. He wanted to try almost everything, bondage, biting, ice, handcuffs, wax and whips, his favorite toy, but he always tried to not hurt Zak, although he begged for it. Nick felt a rush of adrenaline running through his veins together with his blood, that he felt to be almost boiling, at least thats what he thought about those moments and at some point, he had enough and when he used the whip, he hit Zaks ass so hard, that it left a slightly bleeding wound, but Zak loved that, he was proud of the scar that remained on his skin and cherished that part of his body almost like a holy spot.  
Nick even found a kinky fanfiction on the internet once and he forced Zak to read it out loud in front of him and he enjoyed to watch Zak blush and being all shy and it was the most beautiful thing in this world for him.  
And then... Nick left. He needed to leave. He was married and although Zak knew, that this day will come in the future, he wasnt expecting it to come so soon.  
When they were together for the last time, Nick was biting his shoulder, leaving red and purple bitemarks there and he wanted Zak to promise, that he will wait for him to come back and Zak promised that he will be a good boy, that he will wait, that he will not give his body to anyone else in the world and Nick swore, that he will be back soon, much sooner that Zak is thinking, but... he never came back.  
Months were flowing like a water in a river and nothing changed. Zak was desperate, he tried to call Nick, but he changed his number. He tried to write him a message via email and twitter and even facebook, but he never got an answer. He even tried to knock on Nicks door, but he never came to open it.  
Zak lost everything. He needed Nick, he needed Nick to touch him, he needed Nick to fuck the hell out of him, but the most... he needed to see him and tell him, that what he feels is not only desire, but... love.  
GAC kept on doing their show without Nick and Billy and Jay took his place and become regular investigators. Zak was trying to find a way to give Nick a message, to tell him, that he misses him and he decided to let his feelings spoke for him. GAC filmed many episodes, where Zak just isnt his true old self, because he was drowning in sorrow at that time and Aaron called him one day to find out what is going on. Later, as they two were drinking their beers at a local bar, Zak got an idea. He will use Nicks jealousy to get him back.  
"What are you thinking about, bro?" asked Aaron, when he found out, that Zak isnt listening to him.  
"Its nothing, dude, forget it."  
"Alright..." said Aaron slowly, and Zak got goosebumps when he heard him say that word, because it sounded to Zak like as if a wild lion would try to purr like a normal cat to hide his dangerous nature.

And after that small conversation, that was in fact about nothing, Zak was himself again. He was making jokes with the guys, smiled a lot and did silly and stupid things just to make Aaron laugh. And it worked. Their friendship seemed to be stronger than it ever was. Everyone was happy, because Zak was clearly feeling good again and all of those slash fans, that were still talking about Nick and Zak, slowly started to talk about what happened with Zak, because he really changed a lot. Is it Nick? Is he coming back? Or is there someone else, who filled Zaks heart with love again? Did Zak forget about Nick completely?

No, he didnt. He never did. But he couldnt think about any other way to get Nicks attention than to pretend that he likes Aaron more than he did before.  
And Aaron felt that. He felt that Zak gives him really a lot of his attention, but he didnt mind. His old friend was in a great mood again and Aaron thought that he helped him a lot to feel better, because he always cared for the guys and everytime, something happened, he tried to make the guys feel good. And Zak was his long time friend. His best friend. He tried to be there for Zak everytime he needed him. And then something changed.  
Was it the "threesome" joke, that Zak made? Aaron froze for a little moment, when Zak said that word out loud. It was him, Billy and Zak, and he could see how Billy awkwardly shifted from one feet to other and then Zak laughed out loud. Oh, it was a joke, just a joke... Or not?

It was just right before GAC filmed the Sic City Exorcism episode, and Aaron was in his bed. It was late at night and he wasnt able to fall asleep. He thought about Zak and about those strange signs he gave him. If Zak would be a girl, Aaron would say that she wants to get laid and he should be the one to make her feel good. But Zak wasnt a girl and Aaron was confused. Zak was touching him more than he did before, he wanted to investigate with him and he even wanted to spend his time with Aaron after the investigation. And his spare time. They visited bars, they went to a cinema for a movie and Zak even told Aaron to come over to a dinner. Aaron did and nothing happed, they were just talking and eating and laughing like two friends, but he couldnt shake off that strange feeling that everytime they meet its not just a friendly meeting, but it looks like a date. It was... Aaron couldnt think of the right word to describe what if felt like to spend his time with Zak. Zak had some girlfriends, he always was a womanizer and fangirls were jumping out of their skin, screaming and giggling, whenever Zak was near. Why would he behave like as if... he likes Aaron like a... man?  
And then there was that night at club. People were dancing, sweating bodies and desirous touches everywhere around, and everyone was there, not only Aaron and Zak and faces without names, but also Billy, Jay and even Dakota, and the guys were sitting together. Aaron thought that they arent drinking that much, but Billy needed just a little bit of alcohol to be drunk, or at least "in a mood" and Jay was just the same.  
"What did you say about the threesome, Zak?" asked Jay with a smirk.  
"What? That was just a joke, bro," smiled Zak and blushed.  
"Really? I think now is the right time for you three to show us what you hide inside! No kinky stuff, just a dance, you sickos," laughed Jay when he saw Aarons terrified face.  
"Yeeeees, thats a great idea!" Billy jumped up and pulled on Zaks sleeve to get him on the dance floor.  
Zak smiled at Aaron: "Its just a dance, buddy, you dont need to be scared."  
"Well, Im sure that I dont need to be scared because of you, but Billy seems to enjoying himself on the dance floor, alone, so we dont need to..."  
"Come on, dude, its just fun!"  
"Yeah, Aaron, what are you afraid of?" asked Billy, his face red, as he appeared next to them out of nowhere, althought Aaron would swear that he saw him dancing in the middle of the club just a second ago.  
"Alright, alright, Im coming you two idiots and I want to say that I hate you both," said Aaron, smiling, knowing that the guys know that he doesnt mean it, when he said that he hates them. Zak and Billy practically dragged him to the dance floor and Aaron almost passed out, when he heard the song the DJ choose. As he turned around, he saw Jay and Dakota, standing next to the DJ, laughing their asses off. Aaron was about to leave the dance floor and his two friends, but Zak stopped him.  
"Where are you going?" asked Zak silently, but loud enough for Aaron to hear him over Nick Jonas singing about.. whatever he did sing about.  
"Stay here, bro, you are not going anywhere," smiled Zak and wrapped his arm around Aarons waist.  
Billy was dancing around them, well... he was jumping around, making weird moves, that could look as if he tried to dance, but only on some other planet than Earth.  
Zak rested his head on Aarons shoulder and Aaron was just standing there, frozen, not knowing what to do and he almost freaked out when he saw Jay filming them on his phone. _Fuck, thats going to be on Twitter soon_ , Aaron thought, but Zaks hand made him forget about Jay and about what he is doing. He would swear that he felt Zaks hand to touch his ass for a little moment, and it could be just his imagination, or Zak could touch him just by mistake, but Aaron stepped backwards, trying to get out of the reach of Zaks hands, but Zak just pulled him closer again.

"Cause if I want you, and I want you, babe  
Ain't going backwards, won't ask for space  
Cause space was just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too...  
Close, ooh  
Oh, so close, ooh  
I want you close, ooh  
Cause space was just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close, ooh  
Oh, so close, ooh  
I want you close, ooh  
Oh, I want you close, and close ain't close enough, no..."

And that... something he saw in Zaks eyes... He wasnt able to describe what he saw, but it was like a burning fire and then Zak licked his lips and sucked his lower lip between his teeth to bite on it and smile at Aaron, while he was doing that and Aaron...  
He couldnt get that moment out of his head.  
He tried to close his eyes and get some sleep, but behind his eyelids, he just could see Zak, biting his lip in a way, that everyone, not only Aaron, could easily mistake for flirting.  
Aaron didnt mistake it for flirting, he was sure that Zak DID flirt with him. But why? He always thought that Zak isnt gay, although sometimes he acted weird around Nick, but...  
Aaron turned over in his bed and sighed. What does it all mean? Why does he feel all tingly, when Zak is near to him? Why cant he get Zak out of his head? And why does he want to kiss him on his pale, pink lips, that seemed to be, oh, so sweet and thrilling?  
Aaron closed his eyes shut.  
_No, no, no._  
Aaron rolled out of his bed and turned the radio on. Maybe some music will help him to focus on something else.  
"Climb on board  
We'll go slow and high tempo  
Light and dark  
Hold me hard and mellow  
I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure  
Nobody but you, 'body but me, 'body but us  
Bodies together..."

"Dude, really?" said Aaron out loud and turned off the radio. Yeah, that wasnt exactly a song that would help him to think about something else than about Zak. Aaron hated that song. He didnt like all of the new pop songs. Still, he turned the radio on again.  
"Nooo way," laughed Aaron out loud. It was like as if the Gods would give him signs, because there was The Weeknd playing on the radio, his song Shameless echoing through the whole house.  
_.Maybe Zak does like men_ , was running through Aarons head. Maybe... maybe he loved Nick and now, when Nick is gone... well, who is now Zak closest friend? Yes, its him. Maybe just Zak started to like him more than before, maybe he liked him all the time and Aaron just didnt see it.  
He went to bed again and he fell asleep at the second he closed his eyes.

"Zak, I need to talk to you."  
Aaron started right after he walked throught the door. Zak was preparing cameras together with the guys, discussing with Jay which angle is the best and will cover up the most of the room. When he saw Aaron, he dropped everything and practically ran to him and dragged him to an empty room. No people, no cameras, no... witnesses.  
"Zak... I need you to tell me the truth. What was going on between you and Nick?"  
"What are you talking about, dude?" asked Zak and his eyes were big and innocent and he looked consfused like a little puppy. And those eyes were piercing right through Aarons soul.  
Aaron needed to shook his head to get back to the reality.  
"Are you ok, buddy?" asked Zak softly and placed his hand on Aarons shoulder, taking a step closer. He looked right in Aarons eyes, his head leaning to his right shoulder and Aaron blinked a few times, because he thought that what he sees isnt real.  
Something was different about Zak. The same hair style, those same dark clothes he loves to wear, those same blue eyes staring at him through those same black glasses. Those same blue eyes.  
No, they werent the same.  
In the past, for Aaron, Zaks eyes were just blue. Now he found himself thinking about their colour and matching it with the horizon, where the deep blue see touches the angelic blue heaven.  
Aaron was confused. What is happening with him? He always was the goofy one, he made silly jokes, he was a little child in a big mans body, a teddybear, thats how fans sometimes called him, and yes, he is more serious now, but he is just the same, always the silly and funny one, he just kinda... grew up, like people do. But what mattered the most, Aaron never thought of loving a guy until that moment, he liked women, all the time, every second of his life, until he was staring in those brand new depths of an ocean, that was mirroring in Zaks eyes, and he was lost, he was drowning and he was so afraid...  
"Hey, Aaron, whats wrong with you?"  
Zaks voice was still soft, so silent and tender, and Aaron could almost feel it as a sensation, and it was warm and magnificent and for some reason he felt weak and unsure on his shaking legs. Thoughts were running through his mind.  
"Nothing, I just... I just need you to tell me the truth. Was there something going on between you and Nick? I mean... romantically..."  
Zak blushed and he lowered his head, taking another step to Aaron, which made Aaron nearly collapse.  
"Aaron, I... you are the person I care for the most, you are my best friend..."  
Zak made a little pause, thinking about what he should say. What if he tells Aaron, that he and Nick were lovers? Will it help him with his plan? Will it make things worse? Will Aaron run away or will he... accept the truth?  
Zak decided to be risky.  
"...You deserve to know the truth. Its really hard for me to talk about it, but... yes. Me and Nick... there was something..."  
"You two were... dating?"  
Zaks mind was suddenly filled with memories, little, sparkling moments. Nicks body, hot and trembling, and his lips, travelling across Zaks body and... but there was nothing else. Yes, they two were spending time together, they investigated, they were going out with friends, they were alone, but it never really was a date. When they were in public, they needed to act like two friends, not like lovers, so there even wasnt a chance to talk about their situation. And when they were alone at Zaks home, it was always about sex. Zak didnt mind, he was happy that Nick is near, that he can kiss him and hold him, but...  
"No... yes... not really. Im not sure... We... had our moments."  
"I understand," said Aaron. Suddenly, he felt cold, so cold that he was shaking again.  
Zak...  
Him... in that tight shirt. Those lips. Those eyes.  
He just wanted to kiss Zak so bad, push him against the wall, no matter if the cameras are rolling, no matter who is watching, no matter... but he didnt. Oh God, if he just could touch him, touch that skin on his neck, run his hand down, feel him under his fingertips, hear him moan his name... just for one time...  
"Aaron, are you alright?"  
That soft voice sent shivers down his spine. It was almost a whisper. Zak was standing close to him and the feeling of warmth coming from his body was making Aaron crazy.  
"Yeah, I am... I just... I just thought about..."  
"About what?"  
"Nothing... its... nothing."  
Aaron could see the suspicious stare, but he didnt move a single inch. Zak slowly moved his hand to his neck and Aaron felt himself trembling under that touch. Why does it need to be like that? Why does a single touch do this to him?  
"Zak... You changed. Nick left and you... you were so sad, depressed and I... I hoped that I could make you feel better."  
"And it worked, bro."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, I appreciate what you are doing for me every single day. I... wanted to end everything, if you understand and I would do that if... if there wasnt you. You helped me a lot and Im not afraid to tell that you were the one who helped me the most to get over this all. And I want...  
"What?"  
"I cant... Its... I... I... I want..."  
"What do you want?"  
Zak inhaled sharply. If this should work, he needs Aaron to believe it. Its now or never.  
"I want... you..."  
"What?"  
Aaron almost lost his breath. For a moment he doubted what he heard. Zak blushed when he realized how easily he was able to tell that to Aaron and seeing Zak blush again made Aarons heart beating so fast, that he was afraid it will just crash through his ribcage and jump out of his chest right into Zaks hands.  
"Im sorry, I didnt mean it like that," lowered Zak his head.  
Aaron grabbed his hand.  
"Say it again."  
"What?"  
"Say that you want me."  
Zak froze in surprise.  
"But I didnt mean..."  
"Say it again and I promise that you will get what you want."  
Aaron pushed Zak to the wall, brushing his body against Zaks. Zak gasped for breath. He felt his own body responding to that hungry stare in Aarons eyes. Is that a dream? It must be a dream, this isnt real, he must to be dreaming...  
"Say it..." Aaron whispered into Zaks ear. "I see how you are looking at me. You thought that you can hide it? I know you meant it exactly how you said that. Dont worry, its fine, its fine... Say it again and I will give you want you want, because... I want it too. Say it."  
"I... I want you..."  
Aaron kissed Zak, without thinking about the fact that there could be someone watching them, but after a few seconds he broke that kiss.  
"Fuck... Zak... I dont know what to say, Im sorry, I didnt want to scare you, I never..."  
"Its ok, buddy, its ok, Im not mad, you just... that kiss... surprised me a little bit."  
"And I wasnt expecting you to say that you want me."  
"So I guess we both did the same thing. And we did nothing wrong."  
Zak smiled, and Aaron felt like as if a stone, tied to his heart, fell from his chest to the floor."  
"So that means that we are... fine?" asker Aaron.  
"Yeah, we are fine."  
Zak walked away to continue in preparing the cameras and Aaron was left alone. He couldnt believe that what happened before a few seconds ago was truth. He licked his lips and could still feel the taste of Zaks tongue. So it was real.  
And it was fucking perfect.

\-------------

The night was hard. Sin City Exorisms. A dangerous case, a dangerous investigation.  
It was almost 3am and the crew was about to take the ashes of a dead mother, who seemed to be connected with a demonic entity.  
When they entered the house and talked about what they are doing, they could hear strange noises from another room. Aaron immediately wanted to run towards the sounds, to check what could make them, but Zak stopped him.  
He grabbed Aaron, squeezed his shoulder and then moved his hand closer to Aarons neck. And he ran his thumb over the the skin on its back. He was holding Aaron for more than 30 seconds, and then he just placed his other hand on Aarons arm, trying to stop him from moving.  
Aaron froze for the whole time. He just wasnt able to make a single move.  
When Zak let go of his hold, Aaron thought about why the crew is here and wanted to make sure, that nothing demonic made that sound.  
"Hold on," said Zak and the fear Aaron could hear in his voice was intense, almost unbearable.  
And when they heard those strange noises again, Zak decided that there is no time left and after blessing those burned remains, the crew left the house.  
And Zak was sure that those 30 seconds will give Nick a clear message. Come back or...

Aaron was sitting at Zaks museum. The sun was rising, but here, at Zaks museum, every room was dark.  
"I have beer, if you want one," said Zak, when he returned to Aaron.  
"You have beer there? At your museum?"  
"Well, Im prepared for everything," laughed Zak and gave Aaron a bottle of beer.  
"This night was like out of a horror movie," sighed Zak. Aaron said nothing.  
"I hope that we helped the family in some way," tried Zak to start a converstation again. Nothing happened.  
"Aaron?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Are you listening to me?"  
"Of course, I just... you said were fine. Does that mean that we are... like... dating? Or... friends? I dont know what to do, I never was in a situation like this one."  
_Fuck, fuck, fuck! Not this conversation, not now_ , thought Zak, not knowing how to answer Aarons question. He wanted to make Nick jealous, but what if this episode will not be enough? What if Nick needs more reasons to come back than just this one? What if he tells Aaron, that there is just a friendship between them and he leaves? Then there would be no chance to show Nick something, that would force him to run back to Zak.  
And on the other hand... Zak just didnt want to lose Aaron. He wasnt sure about the reason why he wants Aaron to stay with him, why he wants Aaron to... hold him, to protect him, to heal all of those wounds and scars inside of his heart, why he wants to just drown in Aarons embrace and why he still thinks about how he shivered, when he kissed him. He was just damn sure he cant tell him that they are _just_ friends. But Nick...  
"I... Aaron... I dont know..."  
"Is it because of Nick? Because you still love him?"  
"Aaron, please, dont ask... I dont want to talk about it."  
"So its because of Nick..."  
Zak didnt know how, but he was suddenly punched against the wall, Aarons big figure, so tall above him, his hands all over his body and he felt so small, smaller than ever. He felt the rough touch of Aarons beard, as he leaned down to Zaks ear, whispering...  
"What are you doing to me, Zak?"  
"Nothing," said Zak silently, "nothing, I swear."  
He wanted to scream, but his voice always died in his throath.  
"What are you talking about, bro?"  
"You know EXACTLY what Im talking about..."  
Aaron slamed his lips on Zaks, roughly and hard, _that fire and hunger_ and Zak was like a prisoner there, in his long and strong arms, wrapped around him, and Aarons voice was like poison rushing through his veins, as he said...  
"Why are you pushing me away, Zak? I though that yesterday..."  
"I know, Aaron, but I... Nick is..."  
Aaron kissed Zak slowly to stop him from saying whatever he was prepared to say.  
"Let it go, Zak. Let _him_ go. Dont worry, Im gonna take care of you. Im gonna be there for you, every day, every second, trust me, I will never leave you like he did, I would never do that, I promise... Let me be what you need, Zak, let me be what you want, and I will give you everything you deserve. You dont have to dwell on him... He is gone, but Im not, Im here, right here... And I will give you what you need..."  
Aaron attacked Zaks lips once more, sucking them between his teeth, and Zak couldnt breathe, he was out of breath, losing his mind.  
Isnt this what he wanted just a few seconds ago?  
But Nick... Nick... he is...  
"Please, stop, I cant..." cried Zak and Aaron just moved his lips from Zaks jawline to his neck, leaving a bitemark there, as he suddenly sunk his teeth into Zaks skin.  
Zak closed his eyes. He felt the rush of adrenaline and danger running underneath his skin. Yes, thats what he wants.  
_Bite me! Bite me again! I want to feel the pain..._ that was the only thing that Zak got on his mind.  
But he pushed Aaron away. He needed to catch some breath, before he said...  
"Please, Aaron, give me some time... I just need a few days to think about it. I dont want to lose you, I... you mean a lot to me, but I need to think about it. I dont know if Im ready to... be with you. I know, Nick left a long time ago, but... I still cant get him out of my mind and I... maybe time will tell. Next to you... I feel my old wounds heal, but thats not enough. I want to thank you for everything you have done for me, but... I need some time. Right now, I cant give you the answer you need."  
"Alright, Zak," said Aaron with a calm voice. "I can wait."  
"Are you mad at me?" asked Zak silently.  
"No, Zak, Im fine. We... we are fine."  
And Aaron left Zak without saying any other word.

Zak sat there in the darkness for a moment, before he turned on his phone, found a song that was in his head for a lot of days, but he was too afraid to listen to it, and finally pressed play.

"He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last  
I loved him so but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back

Such pain as this  
Shouldn't have to be experienced  
I'm still reeling from the loss,  
Still a little bit delirious

Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you.

You and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously  
I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be

He's disappearing  
Fading subtly  
I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me  
Please

Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you..."

\---------  
Zak was in his living room. It was one of those precious moments, when he could just sit in his armchair, when he could just read a book without the need to think about reality.  
Just a few days ago, the Sin City episode aired on TV. That moment he had with Aaron seemed to be innocent. Nothing big. He started to believe, that this isnt enough for Nick to come back. He just doesnt care. He didnt call to yell at Zak, he didnt write him an angry message, he did nothing. It was in vain.  
But Aaron, he visited Zak every day. They were talking, watching movies, eating pizza and sometimes they touched each other, softly and gently, all dressed up, without taking off any piece of clothing, without kissing each other, although Zak wanted it so badly and he was sure Aaron feels it the same. But he wasnt forcing Zak to be with him, to make love to him, to love him, to give him the answer, he was just enjoying Zaks presence, hoping that someday Zak forgets about Nick and everything he dreamed of will become truth.  
And Zak felt really happy after a long time. Nick... he does not care. He does not love him. But Aaron... it seemed that he does.  
Zak focused back on what he was reading, but he heard the door bell ring and he went to open the door, expecting that he will se Aaron outside, although Zak told him to come tommorow.  
"Nick... What are you..."  
Nick pushed Zak so hard, that he almost fell down to the floor and closed the door. Zak crawled back on his legs and Nick grabbed him and threw him against the wall.  
"Who did that to you? Him?!" yelled Nick at Zak, when he saw those almost faded edges of a bitemark on Zaks neck.  
"Tell me! Was it him?"  
Zak immediately knew about who is Nick talking.  
"Yes, but he... we didnt..."  
"I dont care, Zak, he touched you! I thought that you promised to be a good boy, didnt you? I see it was really easy to forget the name of your master, huh? Do you still remember my name?"  
"Yeah, Nick, I..."  
"Shut up, Zak... I know I was away from you, for a long time..."  
Nick ran his fingers through Zaks hair.  
"But its me, who owns you, not him! Youre mine, Zak, mine..."  
Nick wrapped his fingers around Zaks neck, squeezing the breath out of it, and everything around Zak darkened, because he couldnt breathe, and he almost passed out, when Nicks left hand found its way under his tight t-shirt, lifting it up and reaching his nipple, and when Nick ran his thumb over it, Zak needed to close his eyes to be able to even stand on his legs, because the feelings he had were overwhelming and so fascinating, that he almost couldnt bare them.  
"Youre mine, Zak, tell me that!"  
Nick brushed his whole body over Zaks and Zak could feel his hard cock pulsate against his own erection, and Nick kissed kim, sucked on his lips and bit them, and it hurt, it was wrong, so perfectly wrong and amazing and Zak meant it when he said...  
"Im yours, Nick, Im yours..."  
Nick didnt wait for Zak to say anything else, although it was clear that Zak wants to tell him more.  
"Tak off your clothes."  
"Nick..."  
"You didnt hear you master? I said take off your clothes! Now!"  
Nick watched Zak strip for him and he, after long months, fell alive again.  
He dragged Zak to the nearest chair. He pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and he cuffed Zaks hand to the chair, making him hiss in pain.  
Pain. Sweet pain. Oh, how much Zak missed that feeling of amazing, dangerous pain. How much Zak missed Nick...  
And then all was dark and Zak felt a piece of fabric cover his eyes. He was blindfolded.  
Nick opened one cupboard, the specific one, the one he remember that was hidding the toys he bought for Zak and he smiled, when he found that everything was still at its place, nothing changed, nothing was moved, nothing was... used.  
He took a whip, a long one, with nine leather strips. This "nine-tailed cat" was his favorite whip to use and it felt like 1000 years since he last felt the weight of it in his hands. He turned back to Zak.  
"So, pretty boy... you broke your promise. And I cant tolerate that."  
Zak screamed, when the whip hit his back, all of those nine strips leaving burning lines on his skin.  
"You said that you are mine, Zak. Why are you looking for someone else? You dont need me anymore?"  
Another hit, another insane touch of cold leather, another almost unbearable feeling of pain, of broken skin, of blood running out of the wounds. And another explosion of burning desire pulsating through Zaks cock.  
"Tell me!"  
"No, Nick, Im not, Im only..."  
Zak felt the whip hit him again, as Nick was standing behind him and close, the leather strips wrapped themselves around his right shoulder like snakes and they touched his nipple, leaving it swollen and aching.  
"I missed you, Nick."  
"You missed me?"  
Another painful hit that fell on his back.  
"Yeah... I... I did..." tried Zak to speak against the pain that was burning like a lava, flowing over Zaks back, but also calmed Zak down, that old, well known, so much welcomed pain, a deep lake and Zak was sinking in its water.  
"But... you were gone for so long and I..."  
Another hit and the nine-tailed cat bruised the back of Zaks neck with its leather claws.  
"And you think that gave you the right to kick me out of your life?"  
"Nick! I didnt kick you out of my life, I tried to..."  
Nick covered Zaks mouth with his hand and threw the whip in the corner. Zak could hear the nine leather tails rustle as they fell on the floor. And he could feel Nicks hot breath against his ear.  
"Oh no, you did. And you allowed Aaron to sneak right into it and take my place. I dont like that, Zak, just for your information."  
Again, it was a well known, almost forgotten sensation. Something so familiar, something Zak missed so much.  
Zak could feel Nicks fingertips dancing on the skin of his waist, as Nick moved his other hand down and then he felt Nicks nails scratching his inner thigh.  
"This fine body of yours is mine, Zak, only mine!"  
Zak moaned, when Nick wrapped his fingers around his cock and started to move his hand up and down.  
"Isnt it? Tell me!"  
"Yeah... it is... only yours... only... aaah..."  
Zak heard the cuffs cling a little, when Nick opened them and Zaks hands were now free, but he didnt move them, it was too wonderful, the feeling of Nicks thumb on the top of his cock, and he didnt want to break that moment, but Nick did it.  
He grabbed Zak, made him stand on his legs for a second and then there was the feeling of falling somewhere and Zak thought its just a matter of seconds when he will hit the floor, but he landed on his stomach, right on the backrest of his couch, his ass exposed and he needed to stand on the top of his toes to be able to keep his balance.  
Nick didnt wait, he couldnt wait, it was too much for him, he couldnt stand that, he needed Zak, he needed to feel him, he needed to feel the power he once had over Zak. And he needed to feel it now.  
It took him just a little moment to find the lube and without preparing Zak, without any warning, he just entered into Zaks body, holding him around his waist to keep him in place.  
It was almost like a punishment. As always, Nick wasnt making love, he just fucked Zak, senseless, without any shame, slaping Zaks ass and leaving his handprints there, biting his neck, earlobes and shoulder, making Zak look like as if a wild, hungry animal attacked him and Zak nearly passed out, because it was so rough, so cruel and... it was the right kind of pleasure, that deep, painful, pleasure... It was exactly what Zak needed.  
"I want to cum in your sweet mouth, pretty boy, suck me... will you do that for me? Please..."  
_He is... asking me to do that?_ thought Zak for a second. _Why does he ask me? He never did that, he just took what he wanted..._  
Zak climbed down from the couch and Nick took off the satin scarf, so he could see again.  
Nick, covered in sweat, breathing heavily, made him to kneel down and caressed Zaks cheeck, so gently that Zak almost couldnt believe that its really Nick, because he was never gentle or tender.  
Zak took his cock in his mouth and when he licked the top of Nicks cock, Nick came, the sound of his extasic moans and screams filled the room, and Zak was watching him, still flicking his tongue and he came too, without Nick touching him, without Zak touching himself, to watch Nick was enough, to watch him tremble and scream Zaks name was just enough...

It was dark outside, Zak and Nick were laying side by side in Zaks bed, all silent.  
And then the phone rang.  
"Yes? Oh, hi, buddy..." smiled Zak, when he heard who is calling him.  
"Hey there... Billy is throwing a party tommorow, nothing big, just with the crew, he wanted to know if you will come over? I know that we wanted to be... alone tommorow, but...its Billys party and he got the idea because of Jay, he said that Jay seems to be depressed because he needs to spend the Christmas alone, so Billy thought we can help him a little to forget about Ashley at least for one evening. What do you think?"  
"Thats a great idea, bro, Jay really seems to be in a bad mood, I will definitely come over."  
"Alright, Zak, the party starts around 6pm, I will wait for you at Billys house."  
"Ok, see you tommorow!"  
"See you, Zak... and... Zak?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Im glad that we are... fine. Right?"  
"Of course, bro, we are fine."  
"Ok... so... good night, Zak..."  
"Goodnight, buddy."

Zak turned back to Nick, wanting to rest his head on Nicks chest, but Nick pushed him away.  
"Was it him, who called you?"  
"Who?"  
"Him! Aaron! Dont try to play dumb, Zak. I know it was him."  
"Yeah, he... he invited me to a party."  
"Aaron is throwing a party?"  
"No, but Billy is. Its because of Jay, he was in a bad mood, because of Ashley and Billy thought he needs some fun to get over it and forget about her, if it only would be for a few hours."  
"Well, thats great."  
Nick turned on his other side, showing Zak his back. It was clear that he doesnt want to talk.  
"Nick, why are you so mad? Its nothing, just a party."  
"Hmmm. And Aaron will be there."  
"Yes, he will, but there is nothing between us, we never... he never..."  
"I dont care, Zak, he tried to take what is mine and I just cant accept it."  
Nick turned Back to Zak and held his face in his hands.  
"Zak, please, tell me... are you gonna stay with me? Or is Aaron now more important to you? More than... me?"  
Nicks eyes were filled with tears and Zak wasnt used to see him like that, not naked and crying next to him, in bed, Nick was always strong and dominant, he wasnt showing his weak side or his emotions. This man was... he was new to Zak, a stranger, someone different, not the old Nick Zak knew and... loved.  
A quiet minute passed, before Zak found some inner strenght to ask Nick what he needed to know.  
"Nick... Do you love me?"  
"What?"  
"Im asking you, if you love me?"  
Nick rolled his eyes.  
"Hey, you know that I dont want to talk about this things, you knew that from the beginning and you accepted that."  
"But I need to know it."  
"Zak, I didnt want to talk about it before and I dont want to talk about it now. Love... it was never... why are you asking me right now?"  
"Because I love you, Nick."  
Nicks blood froze for a moment in his veins, and if someone would stab him, there would be no blood coming out of the wound.  
Nick never thought about it. He was never asking himself if he loves Zak, yes, he was possesive and selfish, when it came to Zak, but loving him... It was always about sex, about dominating Zak, about getting what he wanted, about taking what he wanted. Without asking. Without apologizing. Without... love. Or was there some love?  
He wanted to scream _yes, yes, I love you Zak, I always did, with all my heart, with every inch of my soul,_ but he didnt. He was too afraid that it would ruin everything. That it would break the power he has over Zak.  
"Nick... do you love me?"  
But Zak needed an answer. He needed to hear yes or no, no matter what it will be, he needed to make things clear to know how to continue with his life.  
"Zak, I dont know what to say. You never said you love me, you never ask me if I do love you and now... its just... I... Zak, please dont ask..."  
"But I need an answer."  
Nick kissed Zak, slowly, passionate but soft and Zak was surprised with that kiss and it somehow reminded him of Aaron, of his gentle lips and his tongue, exploring Zaks mouth innocently like as if a young boy would kiss someone for the first time, trembling, frightened that he will do something wrong and his love just dissapeares in the thin air.  
"Wasnt this kiss the answer you need? Do I need to say something else?"  
"No, Nick, you dont need to say anything."  
Zak cuddled closer to Nick and closed his eyes. He could feel Nick breathing calmly, his heart beating slow, his hands wrapped around Zak, pulling him as close as much it was possible and he noticed, that Nick fell asleep.  
But Zak was awake. He didnt know what way he should choose. Nick... he was everything Zak ever wanted, everything he needed, but Aaron... he crept inside his heart, without Zak knowing when and how it exactly happened. And Zak wasnt sure what to do with this situation. Nick was his love, but he will leave, Zak was sure about it. And Aaron, he will stay, he will be there, but it will not be the same. He isnt Nick. But Nick... he has a wife and kids at home, he is a husband, a father and Zak is just a broken toy in his hands, waiting for the moment when his owner decides whether to keep his little doll or throw it away.

\--------

It was cold outside, but inside Billys house, there was warmth and fun, and Aaron laughed, when Billy tripped over a stool, while trying to catch Jay, who was running around, Billys drink in his hand. Grown up men on the outside, but still 5 years old kids on the inside.  
There was no music playing, guys didnt need it, they had many things to discuss, cases, ghosts, women, demons and no one was really paying attention, when Zak opened the front door and walked in, with Nick behind his back.  
Aaron was sitting on a couch with his back to the door, so it was Billy, who first saw Zak walk in. But not alone.  
"Noooo way, Nick, I cant believe my eyes!" Billy ran across the room to give Nick a hug.  
What? Nick?  
Aaron turned over to see about who was Billy talking. There was Zak, in his long, black gothic coat, his neck covered in a thick, grey scarf. And two steps behind him... there was Nick, his eyes dark with anger.  
Jay also went to welcome Nick and together with Billy, he was standing with Nick and Zak in the hallway, asking Nick about the news in his life.  
Aaron, who wasnt able to move for some time, somehow got the strenght to stand up. He greeted Zak, saying "Hi there, buddy," in a low, deep voice, and instead of giving Zak a friendly hug, like he always did, he caressed his whole arm in one slow movement down from Zaks shoulder to the tips of his fingers. And Nick noticed that. It was more intimate, than Aarons usual manly hug.  
"Hi, Aaron," smiled Zak and Nick could say, that he almost melted in front of his eyes.  
"Aaron, good to see you, dude," said Nick with a face made of stone.  
"Hello, Nick," said Aaron and looked Nick straight in the eyes.  
Zak was desperately turning his eyes from Aaron to Nick and back, until Billy finaly said...  
"Why are you standing here? Come, lets sit down, you need to tell us some news about you, Nick! How are you?"  
"Im... fine, thanks Billy."  
Nick took a place on the couch and Zak sat next to him. Aaron choosed a chair right over, so he could see everything that can happen between Nick and Zak.  
"I wasnt expecting you to come, but Im so happy to see you, Nick! Who told you about my party? Aaron?"  
"No, Zak did."  
"Zak?" Billy was surprised. "I thought that you two... you know... dont talk to each other."  
"Well, I thought its time for me to bring things back to life. Zak and I..."  
"Nick appeared at my door yesterday," interrupted Zak Nicks speech. "It was a surprise for me too."  
"Thats what I wanted, to surprise you," smiled Nick at Zak, showing his white teeth. "You didnt like my surprise?"  
"I..."  
"I thought you did, you said you missed me. You didnt miss me, Zak? You said something else yesterday, when we..."  
"Are you gonna stay for a longer time?" asked Aaron and interrupted Nick, because he was afraid of what is Nick going to say. About what he and Zak did yesterday. Together. Alone.  
"I dont know," Nick turned his face from Zak to Aaron, "Why? You want me to leave?"  
"Im just asking," growled Aaron.  
"Zak? Why dont you take off your scarf? Its hot in here," said Nick, still staring at Aaron.  
"Yeah, I would die with that scarf on," laughed Billy. "I think its enough warm in here. Did you catch a cold or something?"  
"No, I... I... its... yes, yes I did," said Zak, his face red as a tomato.  
Aaron could see him shifting in his seat. He was staring at Nick, with a desperate look, that was begging Nick to stop, to not forcing him take off the scarf. Whatever was Zak hiding under that piece of clothing, he didnt want anyone to see it.  
Nick placed his hand on Zaks thigh, maybe too close to his intimate parts, still without looking away from Aaron.  
"Billy is right, Zak. Take that scarf off."  
"But I..."  
Aaron saw Nick squeeze Zaks thigh hard. Zak almost jumped and immediately started to taking off his scarf. Aaron couldnt believe his eyes.  
"Oh God, Zak, you have another allergic reaction?" asked Jay.  
"Uuum... well... I..." Zak wast sure what to say.  
"Do you think its demonic again?" Billy was curious.  
Bitemarks. Maybe 10 of them, maybe more. Zaks neck was practically covered with bitemarks. Aaron cleared his throath, before he said...  
"Nick? I need to talk to you for a second, how about a little conversation?"  
"If you want," waved Nick his hand and followed Aaron to the kitchen. Zak ran to the kitchen the second after.

"What do you think you are doing, Nick?" Aaron was trying to speak silently...  
"Me? And what about you!" while Nick practically yelled.  
"Nick, please, calm down," cried Zak.  
"No! He tried to take whats mine!"  
"Whats yours?" Aaron raised his voice. "He isnt yours anymore, you left, Nick! You left Zak here! What did you think he will do? Wait for you until the end of time?"  
Nick was speechless for a moment. Then he turned to Zak...  
"Is he serious right now? What is this idiot talking about, Zak?"  
"I... Aaron, I didnt promise you anything!"  
"I know, I didnt wanted you to promise that you will be with me, but he is hurting you, Zak! Cant you see it? He hurted you, when he left, and he is still hurting you, even physically as I see. You dont mind him doing that?"  
"Funny, that you are saying that! You bited Zak too! That means Im not the only one who hurted him. But I guess that what _I am_ doing with Zak isnt up to you!" Nick didnt let Zak to tell anything.  
"Yes, it is! You need to stop, Nick! Zak isnt your slave! Do you enjoy torturing him?"  
"You shouldnt ask me, if I like it, ask Zak, if he does enjoy it," smiled Nick.  
"Zak, tell him, what you like the most."  
Zak lowered his head.  
"Oh, you didnt tell your friend? He likes to be tortured," turned Nick back to Aaron. "He likes to be punished, you didnt know that? Maybe thats why you didnt succeed at trying to seduce Zak. You are weak. Zak needs someone, who is strong, who knows what to do, who knows what he wants and is able to give him that. And I am. He _needs_ that."  
"He doesnt need that, he doesnt know anything else. To enjoy pain, he learned that from you! But you cant manipulate him forever. He isnt your doll."  
"He is and he loves it."  
"Youre... youre a monster. How can you talk like that! You are talking about Zak! Look at him! Its Zak, not a thing!"  
"He is mine, there is nothing you can change about it!"  
"Zak..." Aaron turned to Zak. "I was always there for you and you know it. I never left you, not a single time and I.. I was always risking, I always investigated the most dangerous places, so you dont need to do that by yourself, because I was afraid that something will hurt you one day, I did it every investigation after Nick left and I even did it before! I did it... from the beginning."  
Aaron froze and realized, that what he was now telling Zak, is truth. No, he didnt investigate all those scary basements and haunted attics because Zak was forcing him to do that. He did that, because he wanted Zak to be safe.  
And he wanted that from the beginning.  
The feeling of his need to protect Zak was always there, in his heart, he just didnt realize it. Until this moment. It was a surprise for him, same as for Zak, who was staring at him, his jaw dropped.  
"Yeah, thats cute, but Zak is mine, he always was and he always will be, there is nothing you can change, there is nothing you can do. Zak? Could you finally tell him that you will stay with me?! I had enough of this conversation."  
Zak was still staring at Aaron and he didnt know what to say. He just wanted to say "Yes, Im coming with you Nick, sorry Aaron" or something like that, straight, in a simple way, but he just couldnt do that so easily.  
Aaron was there. Now, in front of him, but also before, every day, every investigation. Always. He never left and he always came running when Zak called, whether it was during an investigation or just so, in their normal, personal lives. He always picked up the phone. Zak didnt see how much his friend cares for him, for Zak, there was just Nick, who stole his heart the second they met. But Nick left him. And Aaron... he became his best friend, maybe... maybe more than just a best friend. Aaron was more like a part of his family, Zaks mom loved him and he was a gentleman and everytime he visited Zaks house or museum, he brought flowers, just in case that there will be Zaks mother. For Zak, Aaron was like his brother, the whole time, but so much things happened, just as they happen during the life and they changed so much... Aaron was there, in front of him, with his gentle hands, his kind face, his loyalty, his innocence and his true love for Zak.  
And then there was Nick.  
And Aaron was right.  
He is a monster.  
His monster.  
His master.  
His love.

"I dont know... I..."

Nick grabbed Zaks arm and pulled him closer....

"Enough! Fuck that! Zak, you are coming with me!"

...and dragged Zak out of the house.

Aaron didnt follow them. Whatever will happen between Zak and Nick, he didnt wanted to influence Zak. He needs to do this choice by himself. If he decides to stay with him, great. If he decides to stay with Nick, Aaron was prepared to respect that choice.  
But he was also prepared to never stop trying at winning Zaks heart.

\---------

Zak was sitting in Nicks car, holding his head in his hands.  
"Why did you do that, Nick?" asked he after a while.  
"I... I dont know how to talk about things like that. I need you in my life and he... he is too close to you. He tried to stole you from me! I just cant let you leave me. I know that you want to leave me."  
"Leave you? No, dont tried to blame it all an me! You left, months ago! How do you think that I felt? It was hell! You were there and the next day, you were gone! You didnt call, you changed your number, you ignored me! I though that you dont need me anymore."  
"Zak, I know that I made mistakes, but I swear that I still need you."  
"But you dont love me."  
"Who told you, that I dont love you?"  
"You did."  
"I didnt say anything."  
"Yes, you didnt say anything, you didnt say that you love me and that means that you dont."  
"Zak... I didnt say that I love you, but I didnt say that I _dont_ love you either. It doesnt mean anything. Just because I didnt say those three word, it doesnt mean that I dont feel like that."  
Nick was staring at his left hand, and Zak realized for the first time, that he is not wearing his wedding ring. _Does that mean, that he really means what he says?_  
"Zak, I know, that I was gone for a long time, but that doesnt mean that I dont care about you. But I have family, I love my children and you need to respect that. I cant be with you any time you want."  
"I dont want you to be with me every minute of your life! But it has been months! I understand that you need to be with your family, Nick. But you need to understand, that sometimes... Im just lonely. Without you my life was a complete hell. And Aaron... I... I used him to make you jealous. Im sorry, Nick, so sorry, I didnt know what to do. And he... he was there for me and... I started to feel something. I love you, Nick, and I will wait, but if you dont come back soon... this time I cant promise you anything."  
"Zak... I need to return home tommorow. Its Christmas and... you know, I need to be there. But we can have this night, just for ourselves, we can do whatever you want to, I can do anything you need..."  
Nick kissed Zak and again, it was so new, an unknown feeling, an unknown taste, an unknown man. Was this the Nick Zak wanted? Nick, his rough hands, his filthy whispers, his fingertips, exploring every inch of his body just to "accidentaly" miss the parts that were calling for attention the most. A torture. A punishment. And he loves that. He needs that. But is Nick stil able to give him that? And most of it... Is Nick able to give him his heart?  
"No, Nick. Im gonna stay at Billys."  
"With Aaron."  
"No, with my friends. At least for a while. I own them an explanation. After that, Im will go home. Im tired."  
"I can take you home!"  
"No, Nick, I need to be alone. If I want to make my choice with a clear head, I cant be in your presence. Aaron respected, that I need some time to decide if I will stay with him or with you. He is also prepared to respect my choice. If you want me to even think about staying with you, I need some time to think about it. The question isnt when will I decide whether to stay whit you or not, the question is if you will respect my wish and give me some time, before I tell you the result."  
"Zak... Fine, do what you want. But you have the last chance to see me for a long time. I promise, that I will pick up the phone whenever you call. And I will come back to you, I swear and this time, I really mean it, but I cant tell when it will be. Tonight, I want to spend the time with you, only with you, and we can do whatever you want, we can... talk, if its your wish. What do you think?"  
"No, Nick. Im sorry. I need to be alone."  
Zak got out of Nicks car.  
"Zak! If you will go now, I cant promise you to visit you tommorow, my flight takes time early in the morning. I dont know when I will return. We could have this night for ourselves, to talk, to say goodbye for some time. If you stay here, we will lose our chance to spend at least some time together. Are you gonna risk that? Tommorow, I need to go. You know that."  
"I know, Nick. I know." 

Zak left the car and went back to Billys house.

Aaron embraced him right at the moment he walked in and closed the door. Zak almost melted in his embrace. It was warm and safe there, and he could hide from the whole world and just close his eyes.  
"Is everything alright?" asked Aaron, pulling Zak even closer.  
"Yeah... its... its fine."  
"And.. what about us, Zak?"  
Zak was quiet for a few seconds.  
"I dont know, buddy, Nick... he will leave, Im sure about that, but I... I just cant stand the thought of being without him."  
"You _will be_ without him soon, Zak. Isnt this the right moment to start living again? To close this door and open another one? To leave this all behind?"  
Zak couldnt help himself. He cried, shaking in Aarons arms. He was choking on tears.  
"No, I cant... I cant help myself. I need him, Aaron. But I need you, too. I dont know what to do... I cant leave you, I want to be with you, but I cant make Nick dissapear from my heart. And Im afraid that I will never know how to do that. I will wait until he comes back. I cant find a way to get rid of what I feel."  
"You dont need to do that, Zak. Im prepared to wait together with you. Im gonna be there for you, every day, as I always was. You dont need to be scared. Maybe one day you will choose between me and Nick, maybe... but until then, Im not gonna ask. I just want to spend the time with you. In any possible way, if you will be ok with that."  
"You arent mad at me?"  
"No, why should I be? Its your heart, you decide who will be the one that you decide to give it to. You dont need to give me any answers Zak. Im happy, because I know that I have a small chance, and thats enough for me."  
"So that means that we are... fine?"  
Aaron smiled.  
"Yeah, Zak. We are fine."

\----

Nick went to the airport and he saw him right from the entrance.  
Zak was there. Standing in the crowd, a dark angel, who lost his wings, a gemstone in a pile of sand, a lover, a sinner. Nicks deepest desire.  
"Zak, you what are you doing here?"  
"I came to say goodbye."  
"Goodbye? Does it mean that you _want_ me to go?"  
"No, Nick. I dont want you to go. I wish you could stay with me. For ever, for every single second, but I know that you cant. So that means that I know you need to go. You need to be with your kids. But please, _please_ , promise me, that you will come back. Soon. I dont know how long I will be able to wait."  
"What if I tell you, that you will have to wait a whole year to see me again?"  
"If there is no other chance... Fine. But Aaron..."  
Nick came closer. He didnt mind all those people looking at them, as he embraced Zak.  
"No, dont talk about it. Zak... I want you to know, that I love you. I always did, I was just afraid to tell you about it, I was afraid that it could ruin everything we had. But I love you. And I will. No matter what your choice will be. Please, remember that."  
Zak blinked a few time. _Did Nick really say those words?_  
"I dont care what you or Aaron will do, or what you will do together, even if you give him your body, even if he wins your heart, I want you to be happy, thats what matters the most for me. If Aaron is the one who will make you happy, I can stand that. It breaks my heart, but I can stand that. Please, just promise me, that you will wait, at least for some time, promise me, that you will try to wait, I could maybe visit you sooner, I will find some time for you, I swear. I will be back soon. I know I fucked things up, Im so sorry Zak, so sorry... can you please give me another chance?"  
Nick kissed Zak, in the middle of a crowd, and he was sure, that someone took out a cellphone to take a photo of them, but no one did, no one cared, no one saw that little moment between two famous men, who always craved to have each other.  
Zak knew, that Nick lied. He knew, that Nick will not come back in a few days. It can take weeks, months, years, but Zak didnt want to think about it.  
Zaks heart was broken, but... he knew it will come alive again, when Nick returns to him. No matter when. No matter how many times Nick comes back and leaves. Zak knew, he will wait. And he will give him another chance.  
Over and over again.  
Until the end of his days.


	2. Nighttime Creatures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo! I Know that posting a christmas story in may is weird, but... it just happened :D Well, this is the second part of my fanfiction "What lies in the dark?" that is about a love triangle between Zak, Nick and Aaron. I never thought that I will write a second part, but... this story just crept under my skin and I needed to wrote more. There will definitely be a part 3, maybe part 4, I dont know, maybe this will be longer, I have no idea of how long will his be, but... I hope you will like it.  
> So, the plot - Zak, at this time still recovering from Nicks last visit is getting close to Aaron, while thinking about Nick, trying to figure out where the real truth and real love is hidden.
> 
> I broke my own heart writing this. NAK will forever be my one and only OTP in the whole universe, but... Zak, he just seems so happy when he is near to Aaron, he is smiling again and I WANT TO SEE HIM SMILE, I NEED TO SEE THIS MAN SMILE, my life and my sanity depend on it.  
> XD  
> Okay... :-D  
> I just want my sweet baby boy to be happy, oh my god, I cant... *ugly crying in the corner*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a video for this fanfic, here is the link - https://youtu.be/41sx6Ac5_1Q
> 
> Lyrics used in my FF:  
> Zella Day - Shadow Preachers

Zak was standing in the middle of his livingroom, red, silky ribbons in his hands. Maybe he should put them under the windows? Would they look better above the fireplace? Wouldnt it be better if he would just throw all of these stupid christmas decoration into the fire and spend the evening with a bottle of something good and... stupefying? With something that would numb all the feelings in his heart?

Zak sighed. Every year - since he, Nick and Aaron "created" their crew - Zak was throwing a Christmas party for his friends, who became his family. Every year, the guys, their wives or girlfriends, their children visited Zaks house for a Christmas dinner. Zak wouldnt say that he is great at cooking, but every year all of the food he prepared disappeared in a short time. Zak wouldnt say, that he is a great cook, but there is someone who would. There is someone, who would always say that his house is beautifully decorated, that the dinner tastes perfect and that the presents he got are exactly what he wished for. He would say that... maybe in the past, but now?  
No, he wouldnt.  
And not because it wouldnt be true. Its because he will not be there.

Nick.

The one and only name that still echoed in Zaks heart.

Zak was thinking about Nick every second since he left in the morning, like... _what is he doing? Does he mean the things he said? Does he... think of me in the same way I am thinking of him?_

Back in the past, when Nick still was a part of the Ghost Adventures crew, he used to visit Zaks house on Christmas eve, together with his family. He was always sitting next to Zak and Zak knew that Nicks heart doesnt belong to him, but it didnt matter, Nick was there, sitting close and Zak could smell his cologne, reminding him of the scent of gingerbread spice he remembered from his childhood, he could watch Nick smile and then laugh out loud, when Aaron did something goofy, he could see those little sparkles in Nicks eyes, when he was opening his presents with the joy of a little child. He just was... there. And that was everything Zak needed.

But now...

Nick was gone again and yes, he said that he will be back soon and that he loves Zak, but...  
Zak couldnt shake off the feeling of loss, the feeling of Nick being somehow even more far away and unreachable than he ever was before.  
Yes, he came back for a few moments, he visited Zak, he touched him, made him scream, gave him what Zak needed, said that he loves Zak and then he left again and Zak understood that its because of Nicks children and that he cant steal a good father from a family with little kids, but somehow...  
Zak couldnt tell why, but something was different. A lot. It was like a hole in his heart.

_Was it better just to dream? Was it better to wait, not knowing a single thing about Nick, but hoping that he will show up some day and make everything beautiful again? Is it better, now, when he was here and said all the words I wanted to hear?_

However, Nick was gone. And Zak was all alone. Again. Alone with a love, that was still blooming in his heart, but there was no one who would water its roots.  
In the past, Nick never missed a single Christmas dinner at Zaks house, but now... it has been a long time, since Nick visited Zak on Christmas for the last time and Zak was somehow sure that even if Nick said those three little words, it will never happen again.

Zak shook his head to get rid of all the thoughts he had about Nick. Yeah, the ribbons will look better if he would place them above his fireplace.

Zak wasnt in a mood for a christmas dinner this year. He wanted to throw a party, as he usually did every year, but he changed his mind when he came back from the airport in the morning. He thought that he would feel better alone, just with his crazy mind and those bitter tears, that are probably cried all in vain, but... _what should I do, if I cant fucking help myself?_  
He called Billy and tried to pretend that he is sick, fake coughing and a stuffy nose (which was the only thing that Zak didnt lie about, because he was practically unable to breathe after a few hours of nonstop crying).  
"Well, I hope its not _demonic_ like yesterday, with all those freaky _bitemarks_ all over your neck," said Billy with an odd tone in his voice and then he sighed.  
"Ok, buddy, seems like we all need to change our plans... And because _yesterday_ my party was a little bit... little bit..."  
"Crazy?"  
"Yeah, Zak, that seems to be exactly the right word for it. Maybe I should try it again today, when we all will be in a better... mood. You know, because of Jay. I think my "cheer-Jay-up-plan" didnt work well. Maybe it will be different today. Like a christmas... bachelor party or something."  
"Sounds great," smiled Zak. "Billy? Can you do something for me?"  
"Of course, bro, what do you need?"  
"Can you please call Aaron and Jay and tell him that its you, who is throwing a christmas party this year?"  
"Well, I need to invite them, so yes, sure I can call Aaron... Wait, Zak, whats wrong? You two dont talk? I mean... you and Aaron? Because of something that happened yesterday, when Nick showed up? I dont know what you three did in my kitchen, but after Nick left... And then you just..."  
Another deep sigh.  
"I dont know what happened, Zak, but what I saw was you, coming at the party with Nick, by the way that was a big, big surprise for us, then arguing with him... _and Aaron_ in my kitchen... And after that, Nick left without even saying goodbye. What happened, dude? When you were outside, Aaron was freaking out, like... insanely, Zak, Im telling you, he was out of his mind, he told us that he is afraid that _Nick will hurt you_ and stupid shit like that and when you came back, I almost jumped out of my skin when I saw you, thinking that fucking Death is coming for me, you were pale as a ghost, buddy and you said nothing, you just said that you need to go talk with Nick again and ran away. Aaron almost collapsed, it took me a hour to get a whole complete sentence out of him and guess what he said? He said that he needs to go home! Was it something between you three or was my party really that shitty? What happened?"  
"We... had a little discussion about the documentary, you dont need to worry about, Billy. Its nothing."  
"Then why did Aaron say, that Nick will..."  
"I dont know, Billy," said Zak to stop Billy from asking. "Maybe he thought like he is going to... hurt... my feelings or something, not me, like... physically."  
"Your feelings...?"  
"Yes, because of the documentary."  
"Feelings. Mmmhmmm... Ok, so... alright. You know what, I will call Aaron and tell him that this year the food and drinks are all on me."  
"Thanks, buddy."  
"No problem, Zak. Go to bed, drink a lot of tea and if you will feel better, come over for a while, ok?"  
"Yeah, I will think about that, Billy. Thanks again. Oh, and Merry Christmas, bro!"  
"Merry Christmas, Zak."

So, thats it. Zak isnt throwing a party this year.  
That means he doesnt need to decorate his house with fucking ribbons and fake snowlakes.  
Zak threw the ribbon into his fireplace, where the hungry flames swallowed the red cloth in a second.  
\--------

Zak woke up on his couch. He woke up from a creepy nightmare covered in sweat and tears. He dreamed about Nick, falling into an abyss, and he was holding his hand, trying to get him out, trying to help him, save him, but he lost him, he could feel Nicks hand, slipping from his hold and then he woke up, screaming.  
Zak grabbed the bottle from floor, trying to read the label, but it was just a normal whiskey and he had just one, single glass, that wasnt even full.  
But still it seemed that the clock is ticking louder and louder and the sound was driving Zak almost crazy.  
7pm.  
Zak checked his phone, that he found lying next to him, just to make sure that the clock isnt broken.

**7pm - 24/12/2017**

_Great_ , thought Zak, _so the christmas shit is still not over._

Zak checked his phone again. No one called.  
He tried Nicks number.

**The number you have reached is not accepting calls at this time**

_Yeah, its Christmas, Nick is with his family, fuck, Zak, you are so stupid, so stupid, of course he will not answer the phone_ , shouted Zak at himself in his head.

He threw his phone somewhere on the table and walked into his shower, leaving a trace made of clothes behind his back and allowed the hot water to soothe his nerves for a while, but the feeling of relief lasted just for a minute. He could feel the pain leaving his tensed muscles, but that was all. That feeling of being... _hollow_... was still here and it was unbearable.  
Zak was sitting in his shower, the water pouring on his head and washing away the tears from his cheeks, when he heard the door bell ring.

 _Oh God, Nick!_ echoed through Zaks head, as he was running down the stairs, still wet, his skin warmed up from the bath, with nothing but a towel around his waist, the door bell still ringing frantically.  
Zak opened the door, letting a breeze of surprisingly cold air inside. He wasnt sure, if it was the wind, that made him shiver from _freaking freezing_ immediately after he opened the door or if it was the person, that was standing outside, who cooled him down, because it wasnt Nick, like Zak expected. It was Aaron.  
"Hey, buddy, what are you doing here?"  
"Billy called me and told me, that you pretended to be sick, because you dont want to throw a party today and he told me that you said that its because Nick hurted your feelings in some way that is connected with the new documentary, so Im here to ask you what the hell is this guy talking about. And I brought you some oranges and honey in case you really would be sick, so..."  
Aaron froze and this time it sure wasnt because of the freezing cold.  
Zak, his hair wet and magicaly shimmering in the light of a faintly shining lamp above Zaks door.  
Zak shivered again and Aaron needed to look away from a drop of water, that came alive and made its way down from Zaks collarbone, stopping on his chest and glistening there for a while, and then again, _down, down, down..._ over Zaks belly, and disappeared under the towel around Zaks waist, right there, just where he...  
"Its cold outside," said Zak, still staring at Aaron.  
"Baby, its cold outside..." for some reason, Aaron tried his best at singing the famous christmas lovesong, but Zak didnt react. He was just standing there and staring at Aaron. The only move that Aaron saw was as Zaks left eyebrow lifted a little and then got back down.  
"I guess I should go, because... its cold, so... here," Aaron handed Zak a bag full of fruit and turned away.

Zak was still staring at Aaron, as he walked away.  
_Honey. He brought... honey._  
Zak sighed, before he shouted: "Hey, buddy... are you going to visit Billy tonight?"  
"I guess its the only choice I have."  
"Do you think he would be mad if you would... stay here with me?"  
"Is this an invitation?" smiled Aaron.  
"Probably," blushed Zak. "Come in, dude, Im freezing, its fucking cold, this weather is going to kill me one day," Zak started to talk about something else to hide his nervousness. "Do you want some tea? You brought honey..."  
"I think maybe something less healthy would be better than tea right now..." said Aaron and glanced at the bottle of whiskey that was still standing on the floor, next to the couch.  
"Ok... but this whiskey is weird, I dont think Im going to drink that ever again, but I have something else in the kitchen, wait a minute..."  
Zak went to the kitchen, looking for _at least some wine, please_ , but he found just a bottle of vodka. He rushed back to his livingroom and found Aaron, lightning the fire in Zaks fireplace. The crackling sound of burning wood filled the room together with a gold glow. Zak noticed that the lights are off.  
"Zak, you arent sick, am I right?"  
"Lets say that I was a little bit melancholic and wanted to be alone."  
"Is it because of Nick?"  
"No... well, maybe a little. I went to the airport to say goodbye and he said that he..."  
Zak felt tears running down his cheeks again.  
"He said that he loves me."  
"And you believe him that."  
"I dont know, Aaron, thats the problem. I want to believe him, you know I do and I know that it must be hard for you to hear that, but thats how it is. I want to believe that he loves me, but I cant shake off that weird feeling, like... something is wrong, something is really, really wrong, something changed and I dont know what exactly it was, but... Does this makes sense?"  
"Yeah, Zak... it does. Forget about it. We can just hang out as two friends, drink something, talk and I leave, when you tell me to. Or... should I go now? I dont want to annoy you."  
"Sit down, for the love of God," waved Zak his hand. "Here, shut your mouth and drink."  
Aaron took the glass from Zak and placed it on the table.  
"I need to take on some clothes," said Zak and was about to leave the room, but Aaron stopped him. He grabbed his arm and pulled him back, closer.  
"No, you dont need to," whispered Aaron, his breath suddenly heavier.  
"Are you trying to seduce me by the fireplace, now, when Im weak?" laughed Zak.  
"Weak?"  
"Of course! Because of that christmas stuff. It makes me... melancholic."  
"Then I guess that you dont like the mistletoe tradition."  
Zak looked up. A mistletoe was hanging from his chandelier.  
"Are you serious? I hate that."  
"Its childish, isnt it? God, Im stupid, tell me, Zak, did you see someone who would be even more stupid than I am?"  
"It was a joke," laughed Zak. Aaron lifted his stare and it was funny, how this grown up man, all strong, with that beard and... _and those shoulders_... can look so shy all of sudden and Zak could only smile and shake his head, before he wrapped his arms around Aarons neck, brushing his cheek over Aarons and whispering: "Kiss me, you moron, what are you waiting on?"  
Aaron pulled Zak closer and Zak felt his cold skin warm up again and he was melting in Aarons embrace, tasting his lips in a breathless kiss and Zak was out of breath, but he just didnt want to break the kiss, the wet and hot dance of tongues, he just wanted more, _more_ , he felt an almost forgotten hunger, he was insatiable and he just couldnt get enough of that feeling, of the warmth, the calm, the luxury of feeling safe at least for once, the moment of being loved.

Aaron couldnt believe it. Zak brushed his almost naked body against him and he could feel the need in his kiss, he felt Zaks craving for touch and he placed his right hand lower and pulled his body even closer, making Zak moan into his mouth and he felt Zak being hard under that towel, all ready and willing in his arms, so obedient and submissive under his rough fingertips and Aaron broke the kiss just to breath in quickly and whisper in Zaks ear: "I have a christmas gift for you... Close your eyes."  
Aaron thought that Zak will tell him to stop with the nonsense or something like that, but he didnt, he closed his eyes and waited, his breathing heavy, his perfect, pale lips parted and trembling and Aaron covered his closed eyelids with a piece of sateen cloth and tied it up and Zak couldnt see anything, he was blinfolded and Aaron led him to the couch, making him sit there and Zak was waiting, waiting for the feeling of pain, for the relief of being used and hurt, he was waiting for the same feeling that Nick always left in his aching heart like a burn, he was waiting for the wickedly perfect touch of leather, but nothing happened, there was no pain, no torture and he left out a loud moan, when he felt Aarons lips on his neck, and all he wanted was a bite, he wanted to feel the _fucking pain so badly_...  
"Bite me..."  
"Shhh, dont talk."  
Another gentle kiss.  
"Bite me, please!"  
"No, Zak, I wont bite you."  
Another kiss that felt like a touch of a butterflys wing.  
"Please, please... bite me... please, do it.. I need it... Bite me..."  
Zak almost cried.  
"You really want me to do that?" whispered Aaron.  
"Please..."  
Another soft kiss. And then...  
Zak screamed out in pleasure, when he felt Aarons teeth sink into the skin on his neck, but it was different from Nick, Aaron didnt just bite him like an animal, he used his teeth but also sucked on his skin, being like a thirsty vampire and when Aaron pulled his lips away, Zak felt that movement like a sting, and - _God, that was great_ \- the spot was still pulsing, even if Aaron wasnt touching it.  
Zak would swear that he passed out for a second, because it was so overwhelming suddenly, but he liked that, he loved that and he just wanted Aaron to bite him again.  
"Do it again..."  
"Zak..."  
"Please, just one bite, please, the last one, even if it should be the last time you bite me in my life, please, I..."  
_Dear God, thats amazing..._  
Zak sinked his nails into Aarons shoulders and for a second he saw Nick in his head, being angry because of those little scratches on his back, when Zak once couldnt help himself and was wild for a moment, not thinking about the rules Nick gave him, but the memory just flew away and disappeared in the darkness of Zaks mind, when Aaron touched that burning bitemark with the tip of his tongue and it felt like thousand needles and it was a complete hell, but still it was all safe, the feeling of danger, of doing something that can end in the next second, of loving someone that can be ripped out of your embrace in a paifull heartbeat, the fear, it was all gone, everything was fine, the fireplace was crackling and the air was warm and Zak needed to smile a little bit, when he smelled the oranges, and it was alright, everything felt right, it felt like... _home_... 

"What do you want me to do?" asked Aaron silently and Zak felt his fingers work on the towel around his waist and he allowed Aaron to take away the only piece of a makeshift clothing, that Zak had on. It made him even more vulnerable, but it was in fact something that Zak was hoping for. When Aaron asked him what Zak wants him to do, it suprised him.  
"I... I dont know..."  
Zak wasnt used to tell what _he wants_ , he only knew what _Nick wants_ and it was new for him. Yes, he had dozens of desires, but he wasnt used to talk about them, because it never mattered if he wants or doesnt want to do something. If Nick wanted to do something, they just did it.  
"Alright then, maybe it will help you to come up with something, if I will kiss you just right there..."  
Aaron sucked one of Zaks nipples between his lips.  
Zak moaned, trying to catch his breath, his cock almost aching and he wanted just one simple thing.  
"Kiss me," whispered Zak.  
"Where?"  
"You know where," mumbled Zak, his cheeks blushing.  
"No, I dont, tell me," teased him Aaron playfully.  
"Are you kidding me? Do you like to see me embarrassed?"  
"No, I like to see you being evulnerable. For _me_. Under _my_ hands. And I want you to tell me where you want me to kiss you."  
"I dont know how to say that."  
"Say it quickly. Dont think about the words you are saying. You dont need to say it out loud, you can whisper, I will be listening..."  
Zak felt Aarons tongue on his neck and he did it again, the bite was incredible and Zak just allowed the words in his mind form on his tongue and he whispered quickly: "Suck me. Suck my cock. Take my cock in your mouth, I want to feel your lips around me."  
"Is that what you want, babe?"  
_Babe._ It was all so different. It wasnt like the spell surrounding those two words that Nick used in bed. _Pretty boy._ No, this was different. It was full of love and for the first time Zak could tell that there is someone, who wants to make him feel comfortable, someone, who is doing all this crazy stuff with the blindfold, teasing questions, mistletoe and oranges, because he wants him to feel good. Someone, who actually cares for him.  
"Yeah, suck me, please..."  
Aaron kissed Zak slowly, on his underbelly, on his thighs, before he took his cock in his mouth and started to suck on it, gently, circling around the top with his tongue and Zak was close to the edge and he wanted Aaron to continue, but it wasnt enough, he knew it, he wanted more, he _needed_ more and suddenfly he felt ashamed of himself, he felt the urge to stop Aaron, to tell him to go away, because... because he wanted to wait, he wanted to give his body to Nick, to his master, to his only one desire, but even if he tried to force himself to push Aaron away, his arms just didnt respond, his fingers only clenched like claws in the back of Aarons neck, making him almost choke on Zaks cock, but Aaron didnt mind, and the thought of Nick in Zaks heads was fading and at least for a few second the thought was gone and Zak got a little time for whispering: "Take me."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Dont ask me questions, just do it. Take me."

Zak moaned when he felt two fingers sticky with lube entering his ass, preparing him slowly, but Zak needed more and he moved his hips, trying to take Aarons fingers deeper.  
"Tell me if you are ready," said Aaron patiently.  
"I dont want to wait any longer, Im ready" breathed Zak out, even if it wasnt really true, he just couldnt wait, he was afraid that if he would wait another second, he will just stop Aaron, tell him to go away, because thats what his mind, full with images of Nicks body, of his hands and lips and cruel eyes, was telling him to do.  
He blinked a few times, when Aaron took of the blindfold.  
"Why are you taking that off?" asked Zak and wanted to lay down on his belly, but Aaron pushed him down on his back.  
"I want to see you. I want to watch you when I´ll make you come."  
Zak felt, like as if he should pass out again. It was almost unreal. The feeling of being really wanted was so beatiful that he lost his breath.  
"Are you sure you want to do this, babe?"  
"I need to feel you closer, its... its not enough when you... I need more, I need you, in me..."  
Aaron was gentle and he gave Zak time, so it doesnt feel bad or painful and Zak groaned a little bit, his eyes closed.  
The guilt... was back. Aaron somehow sensed that.  
"We dont need to do that, babe... I can stop, if you want to..."  
And again. That amazing, warm, safe feeling rushing through Zaks veins.  
"Dont... dont stop..."  
Aaron begun to move his hips, slow, and it was driving Zak insane, the feeling of Aarons unbelievably huge cock filling him up was incredible. Aaron was gentle and careful, he tried his best to make it comfortable for Zak and Zak was blown away by the fact that even if Aaron isnt torturing him like Nick did, that even if he doesnt behave like Zak belongs to him, even if he didnt use the whip or another toy to make Zak feel the pain he loved so much, its still hot and _damn, it feels so good_ and Zak loved the way Aaron was holding him close, it was different, so different from Nicks possessive touches and when Aaron held one of his legs up to get deeper, Zak could tell that he didnt change their position because of his own pleasure, but because he wanted Zak to feel more of him, to take him whole, to make him feel even more good and in the end, Aaron wrapped his fingers around Zaks cock, giving him a few strokes that made Zak beg for more.  
"Fuck me faster," whispered Zak, but Aaron shook his head.  
"I cant... I wouldnt last long," breathed Aaron, "you are... so tight around me... Im so close... but I want to come with you, I want us to come together..."¨  
Aaron wrapped his fingers tighter around Zaks cock and run his thumb over the tip, fucking Zak slowly and even if Aaron said that he is close to the edge, Zak was impressed that it all takes a long time, Nick always fucked him hard and fast, reaching his orgasm in a few minutes, sometimes leaving Zak even more horny after he finished, because usually it was just a quickie after a lockdown, in a hotel room or at Zaks house and Nick always left soon, being all worried about being seen in Zaks presence, even if no one ever said a word about it.  
This was all different. Aaron had time, he practically had all the time in the world, he didnt need to hurry, for him, there was no one else but Zak, he didnt need to go home to his family, he could spend every second of his life with Zak, without being worried about anything.  
"Im gonna come," whispered Zak, his long eyelashes casting a shadow on his cheeks in the dying light from the fireplace and wrapped his legs around Aarons waist and Aaron held him in place with one of his strong hands, moving his hips suddenly faster and harder, the other hand still stroking Zaks cock, making Zak tremble and scream in pleasure and Aaron came, together with Zak and it took a few minutes for them to catch their breath and be able to talk.

"Are you ok, babe?" asked Aaron with a silent voice, when his heartbeat settled down a little.  
"Yeah..." whispered Zak, his eyelids still closed. Aaron noticed a tear glisten in the corner of his eye.  
"Do you want me to go?"  
"No, please, stay with me, I just..."  
Zak stared at Aaron with big, watery eyes, unable to say another word.  
_That pain. So much pain in those beautiful, sky blue eyes._ Aaron understood that look. _Nick. Its him. Zak feels guilty because of what he allowed me to do._  
Aaron wiped off that lonely tear with his thumb.  
"I will do whatever you want, Zak. If you want me to leave you alone, I can go."  
"No, no!" cried Zak and pulled Aaron closer again, not minding messing up everything around him, and Aaron didnt say a word, he was ok with that, although it was all sticky between them and Zak again had the picture of Nick in his mind, yelling at him for "making him dirty" once.  
"Please, I dont want to be alone, not tonight, can you stay, please? I dont want you to go, please, dont go!"  
Zak was shaking in Aarons embrace, tears streaming down his face. Aaron held him closer and kissed all of the tears away from his cheeks, he carefuly kissed Zaks swollen, closed eyelids and when he was sure that Zak isnt crying anymore, he whispered: "Im not going anywhere, babe, dont worry, Im here, I wont leave you..."  
Zak calmed down a little and Aaron led him to the bathroom and took care of Zak, washing his whole body and then taking him to bed, where he laid down with Zak, cuddling with him under the blanket and keeping Zaks shivering body warm.

"You really dont mind me staying here, Zak?" asked Aaron after a while.  
"Of course, buddy, I want you to be here."  
"That means we... are we still... you know... fine?"  
"More than that," answered Zak and kissed Aaron.  
"What?" asked Zak, when he found out that Aaron is still staring at him.  
"Was it... good?"  
"You mean... me and you, downstairs, in my living room, on the couch...?"  
Aaron nodded.  
"Why do you think it wasnt?" laughed Zak.  
"I just... I hope I didnt do something wrong. I... I did it for the first time," blushed Aaron.  
"No way, now you are lying to me," laughed Zak again.  
"No... I never... I never was with a man..."  
"Then where did you learn what to do?"  
"I dont know, I wasnt thinking about what Im doing, I just wanted to make you feel good... You were so sad, when Nick left and I... I couldnt stand to see you being so broken, I just hoped this will help you think about something else at least for a while."  
"Aaron, when it comes to Nick, I..."  
"Shh, babe, dont talk about him, now its just you and me and I want you to be all mine, just for a few moments, no matter if you will change your mind tomorrow, can you be mine, just for tonight?"  
"Kiss me, if you want me to be yours for tonight," teased Zak and Aaron kissed him, desperately, like as if it was the last time in his life.  
"Now Im yours," whispered Zak in his ear and Aaron pulled him closer and held him in his embrace, making Zak feel safe and Zak fell asleep in his arms, and finally he didnt dream about Nick, his sleep was deep, without painful images, without memories that came to life in the middle of the night, keeping Zak away for hours, without the fear of waking up in tears again.

Zak woke up in the morning, hearing noises from his kitchen and when he came down just in his boxers, he found Aaron cooking breakfast. The table was full of goods, everything that Zak loved and Zak couldnt believe that what he sees is real.  
"I made breakfast," said Aaron proudly and Zak laughed.  
"Yeah, I see, thats... great, thats... I dont know what to say."  
"You dont need to say anything, you need to sit down and try my famous scrambled eggs."  
"How do you know what I like?"  
"Zak, I know you for many, many, maaaany years, I remember your likes and dislikes, even when it comes to food."  
"So... this is my christmas gift?" smiled Zak.  
"No, your christmas gift is in the living room, under the christmas tree."  
"Bud I didnt decorate a..." Zak jumped out and wanted to run in the living room, but Aaron stopped him.  
"The gift can wait, its just a little something, but your breakfast will be cold in a while."  
Zak sat back on his chair, looking at Aaron over the table.¨  
"I get it," smiled Zak again.  
"What do you mean?" asked Aaron, a cup of coffee in his hand.  
"I get it. _You_ are my christmas gift. You are something I always..."  
Zak paused to take a deep breath. What was he about to say again?

_You are something I always wanted._

Zak was out of breath. It surprised him, that he wanted to say that, because he always thought that everything he wants is Nick. And he needed to admit that he wants Nick, that he wants him to be there, to love him, but... he wasnt sure if Nick would want the same thing. If he wouldnt have a family, if he would be a single man, would he choose Zak? Would it be different? Would he stay or would it be the same? A quick torture, that was leaving Zak craving for more everytime Nick closed the door and left him alone again, a makeshift romance, wasted sighs and unfulfilled wishes, and still Zak was feeling guilty, worried about him breaking a promise, a promise, that was probably given in vain, but felt like a bug crawling in his head, eating on his brain and poisoning whatever was left of Zaks sanity.  
In the end Aaron was the one who broke the silence.  
"The night is over, you are not mine anymore and I know that I dont own your heart. Its fine, Zak, I know it will always be that way. You dont need to say anything."  
"Aaron, Nick is... he was... I dont know. I love him, with all my heart, but I would lose my mind, if you wouldnt be by my side. I need you. I cant be without you. I... I always loved Nick, since the first time we met, but... even if it felt like dying every day after he left, its even worse now, when he showed up and said that he loves me. I wanted him to come back and I wanted an answer, but Im more confused than I was before. My mind is a mess and I dont know what to do and how to deal with my feelings, and I dont know what tomorrow brings, fuck, I dont know what will happen in the next second, but one thing I know for sure. I cant say that I love you, I want to say that, but Im not sure that... but I need you, buddy, because... because I feel like as if I was ill for years and you are like a cure, my medicine, my antidote and when Im with you, in your arms, I... I feel like Im finally healing, and it still hurts like hell, every time Im thinking about Nick it feels like as if a razorblade is cutting my heart, but when you are near, when I can hide in your embrace, thats when I finally feel safe, thats the moment when I can forget about my wounds and thats why I need you to stay."  
Zak was scared that Aaron will leave after he told him the truth about his feelings, but Aaron was looking at him with kind eyes and held Zaks hand in his palms.  
"Im glad that I can help you feel better, Zak. Thats everything I ever wanted, to keep you safe, to make you feel good and happy and that you dont want me to go, thats the only thing that I need to know. Come on, lets open your gift," smiled Aaron.  
When Zak stepped into his livingroom, he couldnt believe his eyes again. A little tree decorated with creepy stuff, straight out of a horror movie.  
"Whats the theme of this tree, The Nightmare before Christmas?" laughed Zak.  
"Yeah, something like that," Aaron scratched his head, "I guess my decoration skills are better when it comes to Halloween."  
"Its cute, actually," said Zak and kissed Aaron on his cheek. "And whats this?" Zak pointed his finger on a little box wrapped in red paper.  
"Thats your gift."  
"Wow, what is it?" Zak was curious and went to open the box. It was hiding a thin chainlet with a small silver pentacle pendant.  
"Thats beautiful, man," said Zak, still frozen in surprise.  
"Its for protection. It will keep you safe whenever I will not be able to be by your side."  
"Thank you..." Zak blinked a few times, realizing that he actually doesnt have a present for Aaron. He completely forgot about searching for presents lately, because... because the only thing in his mind was Nick.  
"But I... I didnt buy a present for you," whipered Zak and he felt bad because of it, he lowered his head, but Aaron took his face in his hands and made him look up again.  
"Thats fine, babe, you can give me something else..."  
"Im not sure what you are talking about," smiled Zak, already knowing what Aaron has on his mind.  
"Im sure you can come up with something."  
Zak took a step closer, helping Aaron to take off his shirt and pants and when he was all naked, he helped Zak in return.  
Aaron sat down on the couch, and Zak sneaked between his legs, placing small kisses on his inner thighs, before he licked the full lenght of his cock and carefuly brushed his teeth over the top, getting him ready and Aaron ran his fingers through his hair, caressing his head and Zak crawled up in Aarons lap and it was him, who dediced how fast, how hard, how wild, how amazing this will be, it was him, who could set the rhythm, the one who was leading this dance and he enjoyed the way Aaron was looking at him, how his eyes darkened with lust when Zak started to ride him faster, how his fingers grasped Zaks asscheeks, how his own name sounded like heaven, when Aaron was moaning it out loud as the orgasm vibrated through his body.  
When he finally opened his eyes, Zak was still there, smiling at him, the rays of the dim winter sunlight illuminating his silhouette, sweat glistening on his skin like tiny diamonds.  
"Youre beautiful," whispered Aaron and Zak smiled even more.  
"Looks like I need another shower..." laughed Zak. "So... are you coming with me?"  
"Sounds good," nodded Aaron and followed Zak to the shower. The hot water was pouring down and Zak felt so carefree, so relaxed and calm and he just couldnt remember the last time when he felt that way and he heard his phone ring, he heard the sound of an incoming message, but he just didnt care about it. This, right here, right now, felt too good and Zak didnt wanted to destroy that moment.  
He heard his phone ring again, but the sound was too faint to make Zak curious, everything he was focused on in that moment, was Aaron, making him experience the heaven on earth, sucking on his cock and letting him cum in his mouth. Zak had a few experiences with Nick, when they started to "date", Nick sometimes worked on Zaks erection with his lips too, but one day Nick was still mentioning that he needs to be home soon and Zak was so nervous, that although Nick tried as much as he could, Zak was somehow unable to relax and it took him a long time to come, and Nick told him that he wont do that again, because in his eyes clearly Zak doesnt like that and even if Zak tried to explain why it all happened, Nick didnt listen.

_Nick_

And again, even in a moment like this, the image of Nick crept inside Zaks head, but he kicked the memory out of his mind.

It was all good and fine, when Zak got out of the shower, and he couldnt stop kissing Aaron, he was too fascinated with his lips to pull away and he completely forgot about his phone, until he heard the beep sound of a new message.  
"Looks like someone wants to talk with you," said Aaron.  
"Yeah, merry-christmas-and-stuff messages, I guess," Zak rolled his eyes and checked the messages. His mom sent him a picture of her christmas tree and... all of sudden Zaks face lost all of its color and he was staring at the second message, completely shocked.

"Are you alright, Zak? What happened?" asked Aaron when he noticed the sudden change in Zaks face expression.

**Hi pretty boy, Ive been thinking about you the whole night, cant get you out of my head and I need to see you again, how about New Years Eve? I can spend some time with you, fuck your nice ass and make you scream, cant wait to do that... call me back. Hope you are a good boy and dont misbehave.**

Zak still wasnt able to talk. He could hear his own heart pounding. _This cant be true, this isnt true..._  
Zak was confused. Nick, Nick! He is coming back! But Aaron...

"Its him?" asked Aaron silently, already knowing the answer.  
Zak just closed his eyes.  
"Is he wishing you a merry christmas?"  
"He wants to see me on the New Years Eve."  
"And what about you? Do you want to see him?"  
"What would you think if I told you that I do?"  
"You can do whatever you want, Zak. Its your decision. You didnt promise me anything. I cant force you to tell Nick that you dont want to see him if you do. If you need to, go talk to him and if you need to... spend some time with Nick, I will respect that. And I will still be here, no matter if this... date... will change something between us."  
"Why are you so kind to me? Why arent you mad?"  
"Because its your life, Zak, your heart, your decision. Maybe Nick is used to tell you what to do, but Im not and I dont want to be. This is your free will."  
"Really? Thats why you dont yell at me for... giving you hope or something?"  
"Lets say that I will always have hope, Zak. And I... you know, that... I love you, Zak, nothing will change that and I want you to be happy and if this is what you need, if Nick can give you what you need... Im ok with that."

_I love you._

Three words that Zak practically never heard in the past and now...

Zaks heart almost exploded when Nick said them, it was the best thing in his life, it was like a miracle, but just for a few moments. Nick said his goodbye and dissapeared and after a while his "I love you" felt like a lie, like an empty phrase, and Zak tried to convince himself that he is just scared, that Nick really meant those words, but somehow it didnt work.  
Now, when Aaron said those words, Zak was sure that he is telling the truth. He wasnt lying.  
And Zak wasnt sure what feels better. He wanted both of them, he wanted the danger and fear, the pain, the roughness, he wanted Nick, but he also wanted Aaron, he wanted safety, the feeling of being love, the chance to have someone, who really cares for him.

"You... love me?"  
"Isnt that obvious?" smiled Aaron.  
"But why?"  
"I dont know, because... because its you."  
"But whats so special about me?" Zak still couldnt get it. He didnt do anything special, he actually behaved like a selfish bastard, when he used Aaron to make Nick jealous. Why did he do to deserve the love of this wonderful man?  
"Everything," said Aaron without thinking. "Everything about you is perfect."  
"No, its not," blushed Zak, "Im a horrible person."  
"Zak, who made you think that? I know you, for years, I know that media made you look like a cold, narcissistic... macho... but I know thats not you, I know the real you, and the real you is different, you are kind, the way you treat animals... its amazing, you have a big heart, you are just scared that people will hurt you, its not easy for you to believe that someone inst playing with you and cares for you. I understand that after everything that happened in your life and with Nick its hard for you to believe me, when I say that I love you just because its you, with your laugh and enthusiasm and kind heart... Who made you feel like as if you were not good enough to be loved?"  
Zak didnt say a word. Yes, now when he was thinking about it, maybe its true, maybe he doesnt feel worthy because Nick always treated him just like a dirty little secret. 

_Dirty little secret._

Yeah, thats how Zak always called their affair. He thought that it sounds cute, but now it felt like a punch in the face.

Yes, he never was more than that for Nick. Just a dirty little secret.

But he needs to know the truth, he needs to see him, talk to him, touch him, he needs all that to make sure that what he feels to Nick is still real.

\-------

Zak asked Aaron for space and he respected that. It was the night before the New Years Eve and Zak spent the last days lying in bed and thinking about Nick. Zak was happy that Nick will come back again, at least for a while, but still there was Aaron, who wasnt asking questions, even if he would deserve a straight, clear answer. The problem was that Zak didnt know the answer. He wanted to tell Aaron, that he feels the same way, he wanted to leave everything that happened between him and Nick behind, he wanted a new start, something that for sure would be beautiful, but he couldnt say that he loves him too, it was too early, everything was too new and fragile and Zak wasnt sure whats better for him. He needed to choose between something that feels right and _is_ right and something that feels wrong and _is_ wrong, but also makes Zak feel alive. He hoped that when he will see Nick, it will help him to make the decision.

Tommorow, he will finally be able to tell how he really feels about this all.

\--------

It was 10pm. Zak was ready. Well, almost. He made something to eat, bought a few bottles of champagne, because, well, it was the New Years Eve. Everything was set up and prepared, only Zak wasnt. He wanted to see Nick so much, but on the other hand he was wishing for a message from Nick, telling him that he cant come tonight, that something fucked up his plans, that he cant make it and Zak would throw his phone out of the window and finally leave this all behind, because this would be the sign he needs, this would be the sign that Nick doesnt really want to see him, and Zak would run to Aaron, he would hide in his embrace and tell him that there is no one, that finally there is no one else, just him and that this is exactly the way he wants it to be. Or... not?  
But the door bell rang and Zak woke up from daydreaming. 

"Hi, pretty boy," smiled Nick and Zak couldnt help himself, he just wanted to kiss those wonderfull lips and Nick did it, he kissed him, wildly, passionate, making Zak forget about the whole world.  
"I missed you so much," said Zak, "Im so glad that you are here, again."  
He wanted to say something else, but Nick was already dragging him to the couch.  
"Nick, I need to talk with you," said Zak silently, Nicks fantastic lips still distracting him from thinking clear.  
"Wait, Nick..." whispered Zak again, trying to push Nick away for a second.  
"I dont want to," murmured Nick, while trying to take of Zaks shirt.  
"But we need to talk," cried Zak and Nick sighed.  
"No, we dont need to talk, Zak. There is nothing to talk about. I said everything that you wanted me to hear, I thought that its enough for you."  
"No, Nick, its not. And its even less, now, when it seems like you said that you love me just because _I wanted_ to hear it, not because _you wanted_ to say it," said Zak.  
"What do you mean? You dont believe me?"  
"I want to, but I... I need actions, not words."  
"Then let me show you how much I care for you," smiled Nick and pushed Zak down on the couch. "I have a gift for you. I know its a little bit late, Christmas is over, but... I think you will love it."  
Nick grabbed his backpack and took out a whip, a long and heavy one and Zak felt his heart drop a little, because a tiny piece of his being was waiting for...

 _Waiting for what?_ asked Zak himself. He wasnt sure what he was hoping for. He wasnt exactly waiting for Nick to give him something special, something specific, he wasnt in fact waiting for a gift at all, but when Nick was talking about the whip and how he could use it to make Zak scream, being all proud of himself and of his present, Zak felt like as if his heart would be heavy as a stone for a while. He just... he was just waiting for... something else.

"You dont like it?" asked Nick suspiciously, when he noticed that Zak isnt listening.  
"I do," sighed Zak unconvincingly.  
"Whats wrong?"  
"Nothing," shifted Zak in his seat. "Everything is fine."  
"Ok, you just looked like... whats this?" Nick glanced at the small silver pentacle, resting on Zaks chest.  
"This? Its for protection," smiled Zak, when he realized, that he used Aarons word. "It will... keep me safe," he added silently.

_It will keep you safe whenever I will not be able to be by your side._

The little silver five-pointed star was glistening in the light of candles, that Zak placed on the table.

_Aaron._

"Its nice. I never saw you wearing this pendant. Its a gift?" wanted Nick to know.  
Zak didnt know what to say. _Yes, it is, from someone who actually cares about me!_ wanted Zak to shout, but he didnt.  
He just didnt.  
"I thought you dont want to talk," said Zak instead, his eyes wandering around the place, just to avoid Nicks stare.  
"You are right. I want to do something else," smiled Nick and suddenly, his hands were all over Zaks body, his lips were exploring the exposed skin on Zaks neck and Nick bit him hard, at the same place, where, just until yesterday, were still noticeable the faded edges of the bitemark that Aaron left there on Christmas night.  
Zak held his breath for a second, because he felt like as if he wouldnt do that, he would cry. He felt tears forming in his eyes and the only way to stop them from running down his face was to hold his breath for a while. The reason wasnt the pain, the pain was amazing, it was...

_Astonishing. Gorgeous. Enchanting. But... empty._

Zak felt a twitch in his cock and he grew hard in seconds, but... it was just the passion, his body just reacted in an usual way, the feeling of needing Nick, the feeling of wanting Nick to be as close as possible, it wasnt there, Zaks heart wasnt beating insanely as it did everytime Nick touched him, and Zak felt cold, he was shaking like as if the air around was freezing, neither Nicks fingers nor his lips were able to change that.

"Do you want to try my gift?" whispered Nick and licked one of Zaks nipples.  
Zak nodded quickly.  
_Yes! Maybe this will finally feel the same, like in the old times..._

"On your knees!" said Nick, with his steady, melodic voice and Zak obeyed. He was waiting on all his fours for the expected relief, for the pleasure in pain, for the final rescue, for the ecstasy of being punished.  
The whip landed on his back, its touch like a wildfire, that is swallowing everything around and Zak thought he will finally feel whole and complete, but instead of feeling alive again, he felt himself shatter inside.

_...nine, ten, eleven..._

Zak lost count of how many times he felt the whip break the skin on his back. This time, Nick was harsh, almost brutal and although it didnt have the impact that Zak hoped for, he allowed Nick to hit him again, and again and again, and it could be twenty, maybe more times and the pain devoured Zaks body like a famished beast, but still... it wasnt enough.

_Its not enough._

The danger, the bestiality, the abuse, so perfect, so hot, it was all the same, just like Zak remembered, but... something was missing.

_Its not enough._

Nick pushed Zak down and fucked him on the floor, soaking his fingertips in the blood drops, that appeared in the wounds on Zaks back.  
"Slow... slow down... please," whispered Zak, but Nick just didnt listen, he fucked Zak even faster and when he came, Zak covered his face with his hands, because this time there was no chance to stop the tears, they just kept streaming down his red cheeks, because this time he really felt used and he knew for sure that this is not how its supposed to feel like, it felt different in the past, it was incredible, the freedom of letting Nick do whatever he wants to, of using Zak in every way he likes, without asking, without permission... back in time, it was fine. Zak didnt need to think about things, Nick was the leader in bed and Zak liked that, but now... now it felt like Nick just used his body for his own pleasure, like a real toy, just like a figurine, that has no soul and isnt capable to feel any emotions. It all was just about Nicks satisfaction. It was all just about sex.

_Its not enough._

"Mmmm, that was great," purred Nick after a few minutes, when he was sitting next to Zak on the couch again. Zak just hissed, the fabric of his shirt brushed against his back, making him feel like as if he had salt in those open wounds.  
"Did I prove how much I care for you?" asked Nick.  
"How much time do you have tonight?" answered Zak with another question.  
"About... twenty minutes."

_Its not enough._

"What? Just twenty minutes? Why?"  
"An old friend is waiting for me."  
"Is he more important than I am?"  
"Zak, stop it. You know why I need to leave, people could notice..."  
"They could notice what? That you spent literally less than a hour at my place? Its not a crime to spend some time with another of your _old friends_ on New Years Eve! Or is it?"  
Nick sighed.  
"Zak... I will not change my habits just because you are not sure about what I feel to you."  
"So this means that this all is just a habit for you?"  
"I didnt mean it like that and you know that. Whats wrong with you? Are you not happy to see me?"  
"I am, I just..."  
"Its not enough for you?"

_Its not enough._

"By the way... how is Aaron doing?" asked Nick caustically.  
"I dont know, I didnt talk with him for a few days," answered Zak.  
"Do you really love me?" asked he after a few second of silence.  
"Of course I do, pretty boy," smiled Nick and caressed Zaks cheek.

_Its not enough._

Nick suddenly jumped up.  
"Well, its time for me to go."  
"You said that you have twenty minutes! You still have some time!"  
"I just realized, that if I want to catch my plane tomorrow, I should go."  
"What? What would twenty minutes change?"  
"Again, Zak? Dont make it harder than it is for me."  
"For you? You dont seem to feel so bad about leaving again."  
"I will be back soon. Dont you trust me? I promised to come back soon and I did, now Im here, what do you want from me?"  
Zak lowered his head.  
"I just... I just want you to love me."  
"I do," said Nick, "and I will visit you soon again. Do you believe me? Tell me that you believe me."  
Zak nodded but no, he didnt believe what Nick said.

A kiss, a smile, a promise... and Nick was gone again, leaving Zak ruined, bruised and empty.  
"Its not enough..." whispered Zak to the closed door.  
It was 22:48, the city was alive with sounds and colours, happy people kissing their loved ones, wishing them a Happy New Year and Zak felt even more lonely than he did ever before in his life.  
Inside his mind, there was chaos.

 _This was supposed to give me the answers, why Im still so unsure about everything?_ asked Zak himself in his head.  
_Why didnt I say anything? Why didnt I tell Nick about the mess in my mind?_

_Because I know that he wouldnt listen._

Zak spent a hour with blaming himself, with blaming Nick, with blaming the world, when he heard his phone ringing. A new message.

**Hi Zak, I hope you are fine. I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. About last time... I dont know if you still feel guilty about what happened, because I could tell that you feel that way but I want you to know that for me it was the best time in my life. Every second that I can spend with you feels like the best time in my life and every second without you feels like hell, so... if you want to talk, Im here, call me whenever you want to. And if you dont want to talk now... well, then I will be looking forward to our next lockdown. I love you, babe, with all my heart. And I always will. Come what may. Aaron**

Zak didnt know how to respond. He just wanted to write Aaron, that he talked with Nick and that it was all in vain, that Nick doesnt care and because of that he is now leaving everything behind, but he didnt do it. He needed one, last assurance to be ready to give this all up.

Zak logged into his instagram account. Nick didnt follow him on social media, but he knew that he for sure has a fake account and that he can see Zaks post. Zak had some fake accounts too, because he needed them to see what Nick is posting - he didnt have another way to be in touch with Nick when he practically dissapeared after he left the crew.  
Zak needed Nick to know how he feels, and, like he always did, when he wanted Nick to know how he feels, he posted a short video of a candle, burning on the table in his living room, with a song playing in the background, hoping that Nick will understand the message in the lyrics.

**You got those scissors from the drawer  
You never dug so deep before  
If I stop trying, we start dying  
You're cutting me out, baby who you fighting?**

**Who you fighting?  
Who you fighting?**

**You make me wanna love, hate, cry, take every part of you  
You make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn every part of you**

**I close my eyes, just close the door  
You want a minute, I'll give you more  
Maybe I don't want you either  
We're both unsettled, nighttime creatures  
Shadow preachers, nighttime creatures**

**You make me wanna love, hate, cry, take every part of you  
You make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn every part of you**

**You wanna break, you break alone  
You wanna leave, you're on your own  
You wanna break, you break alone  
You wanna leave, you're on your own**

**You make me wanna love, hate, cry, take, every part of you  
You make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn, every part of you..**


	3. Only Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im so sorry, this fanfic is full of grammar mistakes and missing letters, but I swear that I tried to fix that, when AO3 fucked up the spacing, so I needed to upload the fic again, of course with all of the mistakes and I was too pissed to fix everything again, the weather is hot and my head aches like hell, so please, be kind to me and pretend that there are no mistakes in the fic. Btw - I know that the episodes arent filmed like a week before they air on TV, but, again, lets pretend that they are for the sake of slash continuity :D
> 
> So, Nick visited Zak on the New Years Eve, but it actually made Zak more confused, because he didnt get the answer he needed. Aaron is taking care of Zak, but Zak still doesnt know whether its better to be with him or with Nick and he gets into a fight with Aaron at the Phelps Dodge Hospital. Aaron is surprised, he didnt thought that Zak would think that he is able to hurt him in any way. Will this fight be the end of their friendship? And what about Nick? Does he still love Zak? And what more important - does Zak still love Nick? Maybe you will find out when you read this :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here I am, sitting in the corner and dying inside, because of what I wrote. Zak is still unsure about whats the best for him and I think that actually it isnt Zak, who is emotinally unstable, maybe its just me, because oh my God, Im just... my fangirl heart... Well, let me explain: You know, NAK is my OTP for ever and ever, Zak and Nick are just meant to be together, Zak belongs to Nick and Nick belongs to Zak, there is no other pairing in my whole fangirl goddamned life that I would feel more emotional about, and I believe that these two jerks were just made for each other, my baby boys are soulmates, there is no doubt about that, but Nick is gone for so long and Zak, after a long period of what seemed to be a break-up depression is now happy again and it seems that its Aaron who is making him happy and I NEED MY SWEETHEART (Zak) TO BE HAPPY, my sanity depends on it and when Zak is together with Aaron, everything seems to be good and right, and I know that it would be good for him to move on, because Aaron will take care of him, and I want him to move on, but I also want Zak to be with Nick, because, well, these guys are my OTP, the cutest, sweetest, hottest, BEST pairing of all times for me... So... I just dont know *cries uncontrolably*
> 
> Used lyrics:  
> Zella Day - Shadow Preachers  
> Chase Atlantic - Friends

Nick checked on his social media. He responded to some late "Happy New Year" tweets his fans sent to him and then logged into his fake accounts. He actually didnt want to browse through Zaks or Aarons posts, he needed to take care of the car and prepare some things for a family trip, but a habit is a habit and he logged into his fake instagram account, immediately noticing a new post from Zak. A candle on a table in Zaks living room. A video.  
Nick pressed play.

And blood froze in his veins.

**Maybe I don't want you either...**

Nick knew well, what Zak tries to say with the lyrics. He knew him, he knew that every song Zak posts on his social media has a special meaning. And he knew that Zak is unsure about their... "relationship", he could tell that from Zaks behaviour when he last visited him, but he didnt knew that Zak is questioning everything in a serious way.

**Maybe I don't want you either...**

_Ok, Zak, if this is the game you want to play..._ thought Nick, _...then lets do it._

\--------------

Zak was practically like glued to his pc and his phone, stalking Nick on his accounts, waiting for an answer.  
And he got it.

A day after he posted his instagram video, Nick posted a video on his instagram too. It was him, working out in a gym, with some faint music in the background.  
_Maybe its just a normal video,_ thought Zak and he just wanted to log out, thinking that Nick didnt bother to post an answer. But then he turned up the volume.  
Yes, the song... first Zak thought that its just a video of Nick working out and he didnt pay that much attention to the song playing in the background, but... the video was edited, the scenes were cut so it looked like the lyrics have no meaning, because there were just some parts from the whole song, but... when he listened closely, he started to panic.

**...tell me what you're doing on the other side?  
And so, just tell me what you're doing with that other guy?...**

**All of your friends have been here for too long  
They must be waiting for you to move on  
I'm not with it I'm way too far gone  
I'm not ready, eyes heavy now  
Heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved  
Running in circles, now look what you've done  
Give you my word as you take it and run  
Wish you'd let me stay, I'm ready now... **

**Just give me some time and space to realize  
That you, were busy lying, sleeping 'round with other guys  
And what the hell were we?  
Tell me we weren't just friends  
This doesn't make much sense  
No  
But I'm not hurt, I'm tense  
Cause I'll be fine without you babe... **

Nick tossed away his shirt, showing his muscular arms and chest, a thing he hardly ever did.  
The shy one.  
The cute one.  
The beast hidden behind an adorable smile.

Zak almost collapsed.  
No, no! Thats not what he wanted - he just wanted to tease Nick a little bit, to provoke him, to show him that he doesnt have a hold over Zak, but it wasnt like a break-up message, Zak just wanted to see some activity, he wanted to... He just wanted Nick to drop everything a run to him, making clear that he didnt lie when he said those three words, but Nick obviously understood it differently.  
And now... now can be too late.  
For everything.

\------------------

Another day, another night, another investigation.  
Another horrible time without Nick.

Aaron noticed that Zak isnt himself. While driving to the location, Zak didnt talk at all, except the moment, when he was introducting the place the crew was driving to. Phelps Dodge Hospital was a big building, standing right next to a mining pit, but that wasnt all, the land was probably cursed by the native Americans. Zak was doing the interviews and he sent Aaron and Jay to meet two paranormal investigators, who were there before GAC. Aaron could tell that Zak isnt feeling well, that he is thinking about something, but he fulfilled Zaks wish without talking back and while Zak went to meet some other people and eye-witnesses, objects were thrown on the floor and Aaron was silently thanking the spirits for doing something, because he hoped that it will make Zak more focused on the case and not on whatever he was thinking about.

When the lockdown started, Zak sent a witness, Ignacio, inside to sleep in alone in a room, because something was choking him and the crew wanted to see if it happens again. Ignacio went to his room, Billy went to a room next to Ignacios, while Zak, Jay and Aaron were watching him sleep. Billy was asking questions using the paranormal puck. The communication was insane and what the ghost said it will do really happened. 

The lockdown started and Billy, Zak and Aaron went to the building. Zak walked the hallway, Billy and Aaron following him with cameras, when Zak noticed a barefoot print on the floor and just right after Billy smelled sulphur. They experienced serious poltergeist activity, stuff was thrown and Zak came up with an idea.  
"Aaron, do me a favor, stay up here by yourself for a little bit, see if you can capture something moving when youre alone."  
Zak placed his hand on Aarons shoulder and Aaron just breathed out nervously and he tried to argue with Zak a little bit, already knowing that he is gonna stay at the second floor anyway, but he at least tried to convince Zak that if anything will be thrown, the x-cameras will capture it, but Zak was like a cold stone. And, _yeah_ , thought Aaron, _its better that Im about to be there alone, than if Zak would be alone in here_.  
Aaron was left alone and Zak went with Billy to check on Ignacio. While Zak was taking pictures, Aaron heard footsteps and the camera captured a light anomaly. Right after that, when Aaron went to the room 201, he heard scary noises and metal scraping and while he was in the room, on the other side of the building the camera captured a strange light on the wall.  
Zak captured a freaky figure standing at Ignacios bed and after watching the tape with Jay and Billy, Zak decided to stay in the base (in this case it was a car) and Billy with Jay returned to the building.  
Zak felt tired. He wasnt sleeping that much lately, because he was just thinking about Nick all the time, trying to come up with some ideas how to let him know that he didnt mean his instagram post like a break up message, but everything seemed like Nick has blocked him and all of his fake accounts and there was no way to send him another video-song-message. He wasnt picking up his phone, he didnt answer to any text message Zak sent him. Every try at making contact with Nick failed.  
After a hour of watching Ignacio sleep, Zak was unable to keep his eyes open, so he went back to the building, trying to find Aaron and when Zak finally found him, Aaron was visibly shaken.  
"Whats wrong?" asked Zak.  
Aaron was scared, he captured a crazy EVP and then he just got lost, because he felt dizzy. After hearing some noises, Zak decided to investigate with Aaron, but he bounced into some wires and Aaron couldnt help himself and laughed, which was a thing that he probably shouldnt do, because it made Zak angry.

"Are you ok, babe?" asked Aaron, when Zak remained silent for more than five minutes.  
"Dont call me _babe_ in front of rolling cameras, _please_ ," hissed Zak agressively.  
"Sorry, bro," Aaron lowered his head. "Not that Billy or Jay wouldnt know."  
Zak paused his camera.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I... I think that Billy..."  
"Did you tell him something?"  
"No, no! He just asked me two days ago, how..."  
"He asked what?"  
"He asked how serious is this bromance between me, you and Nick."  
"And what did you say?"  
"I said that I have no idea what the hell is he talking about."  
Zak slowly breathed out the air he was holding in his lungs, while panic was trying to make him hyperventilating.  
"Zak, its ok, no one knows," tried Aaron to calm him down. It was too late.  
"No one knows?" shouted Zak. "You said something else like a minute ago!"  
"I... I meant it like... I meant that _I_ didnt tell anybody about _us_."  
"Well, you couldnt tell anybody about _us_ because there is no such thing as _us_."  
"Zak, I never told anybody..." whispered Aaron and placed his hand on Zaks shoulder.  
"Ah, dont!" hissed Zak in pain, trying to shake off Aarons touch. "Dont touch me!"  
"Zak, what happened to you?" Aaron immediately wanted to find out why Zak was in pain and he saw a long, thin wound on his shoulder.  
"Dude, you got scratched! Give me the camera, I need to capture that!"  
"No."  
"What? Why? You got..."  
Before Zak could stop him, Aaron lifted his jacket and shirt. Zak closed his eyes. Blood was rushing through his veins, having a strange, fizz echo he heard in his ears. He knew what Aaron found.  
"What... what is that?"  
"Aaron..."  
"This isnt demonic, is it?"  
"...no."  
"Did he do this to you?"  
"Yes." Zak felt his hands freezing.  
"And you... you liked that?"  
"I... I dont know. Not that much."  
"Then why didnt you tell him to stop?"  
"I just cant, Aaron, I cant, I dont know how. I never said _no_ to Nick. Never. I dont know if I will ever be able to do that."  
"But... but he is using you! Dont you see it? Or is it because you really like it? To be abused? I know you like it... rough, biting, maybe cuffs or something, blindfolds, but please... Dont tell me you like to be beaten?"  
"He doesnt _beat_ me," shouted Zak. "He isnt like that!"  
"No? Those wounds on your back are telling me otherwise! They are practically screaming! Gosh, you have like twenty wounds on your back! Dont tell me that this is something normal for you! Or for him!"  
"No, it isnt. It happened just a few times... and now."  
"Now?"  
"On the New Years Eve."  
"I will kill him, Zak, this needs to stop! I swear, Im gonna kick his ass so much that his wife will not recognize him when he arrives home!"

_His wife._

And again. Those thousand knives and daggers cutting Zaks heart alive.

"This is my problem, Aaron. Its none of your bussiness!"  
"It is! Because I dont want the only person that I love more than anything in the world to be abused!"  
"Aaron, please, stop."  
"Do you still love him? Even after what he did to you?"  
"I... dont know. I want to. I do, somehow, but... God! I dont know! I just dont know! I get it, you dont understand, but thats just how it is!"  
"Zak, its not like I dont understand you, I just wanted..."  
"Can we focus on the investigation, please? We came here to search for ghost, not to talk about shit like that, right?"  
"Right," said Aaron silently and pointed his camera towards the dark without saying any other word.

Zak held a recorder, trying to get some spirit voices captured and when he felt dizzy like Aaron did before, he decided to listen to the tape.  
And he got an EVP.  
"Oh my God, I know what it says! Zak, do you know what it says? I know what it says!"  
Aaron was shaking. At the moment, he was really worried about Zak.  
"I dont know if I should tell you what I hear..."  
Zak played the tape again.  
"Im gonna kill Zak Bagans," said Aaron.  
"WHAT?" shouted Zak.  
"I hear Im gonna kill Zak Bagans. Listen..."  
The EVP captured a growling voice.  
"No, thats what youre wanting to hear," Zak refused to agree with Aaron.  
"Thats what I hear. You dont hear it?" Aaron felt Zaks stare piercing through him like a knife.  
"No. Do you know what worries me more?"  
"You dont hear it?"  
"No. What worries me even more is that youre hearing that."  
"Well, I hear I want to kill Z--. And I hear Zak, maybe its not your last name, but..."  
"No," Zak was stubborn. Aaron knew what he heard, but Zak just refused to talk about the possibility of the EVP saying anything like that.  
"You dont hear that at all?" asked Aaron.  
"I dont hear that. The question is why are you hearing that?"  
"I dont know. I dont have feelings of killing Zak Bagans or anything."  
"No, I know, but I dont hear it, but why do you hear it?"  
"I dont know. I hear I want to kill... Or maybe its not kill, its tough. It goes IwannakillZakBagans. Like, thats what it sounds like to me right after youre done talking like that."  
"Is that what you want it to say?" asked Zak suspiciously.  
"No," said Aaron, a panic feeling squeezing his stomach, because _hey, what the hell is going on? Is Zak trying to start a fight or something?_  
"I just hear - I want to kill..."  
"I know, but its just weird how you heard that the very first time."  
Aaron was speechless for a moment.  
"Dude, stop," laughed Aaron, hoping that Zak is just joking or something.  
"What?"  
"Im not trying to like say Im hearing something because of that. No, Im just... I just hear.... I just heard I wanna..."  
"'m just saying, is there something influencing you to hear that?"  
Aaron thought about it for a second, but he didnt feel like something is affecting him.  
"I dont think so."  
Zak was staring at Aaron, holding the camera and filming him, his eyes flaming with anger.  
"I dont wanna..."  
"Dude, stop," said Aaron quickly, trying to stop Zak from whatever he was about to say, because when Zak said _I dont wanna..._ the panic inside him just grew bigger.  
"No."  
"Stop, dude."  
"No, you just said that you want..." Zak was unstoppable.  
"Dude, stop."  
"You just said that you want to kill Zak Bagans!"  
"I didnt say that," tried Aaron to defense himself. "I said I heard I want to kill..."  
"The problem is that I dont hear it. Why are you hearing that?"  
"I dont know."  
"Youre hearing that in your head!"

 _Fuck, thats just... crazy... What the hell is going on?_ thought Aaron when Zak continued to yell at him.  
"We just got an amazing EVP, but I dont hear I want to kill Zak Bagans."  
"Okay, what do you hear?" wanted Aaron to know.  
"Something, but it doesnt say that."  
"Okay... Well, I dont know."  
"Well, it makes me nervous to know that youre hearing that."  
Zak faced the camera.  
"This man right here said that that EVP said I want to kill Zak Bagans. It does not sound like that. Theres an amazing EVP here. Its a sentence and were going to have to analyze it. But the first thing he hears is he thinks it says I want to kill Zak Bagans! Do you think I want to be in a dark building with this man, whos acting strange, who spent over an hour and a half upstairs by himself, and now he wants to kill Zak Bagans."  
Aaron was desperate. Despite trying hard to stay calm in front of the rolling cameras, Aaron felt tears forming in his eyes.  
"I dont want to kill Zak Bagans..." cried Aaron, tears streaming down his face, his voice shaking. _Everyone who will watch the episode will hear me cry because I argued with Zak,_ thought Aaron, but he in fact didnt mind. He just wanted Zak to stop, he just wanted it to be alright again, he just wanted to wake up in his bed, this fucked up investigation being just a bad, strange dream.  
"Well, you said that. I dont want to be around you right now," said Zak.  
Those words felt like a collision with a big truck.  
_He didnt talk to me for a few days. Maybe he thought about us and decided to stay with Nick for ever. Maybe this is the way he tells me that... its all over... What should I say?_  
"Okay, well... lets... not be around each other..." said Aaron silently, his head down to hide the tears.  
Aaron was barely moving. Placing one of his feet in front of the other seemed to be the hardest thing in his life. He wanted to say something else, maybe _Please, dont leave_ or _Yes, you are right, the EVP says something else and Im just affected by this crazy place_. Something wasnt right with Zak, Aaron could sense that somehow. He wanted to pull Zak closer for a kiss, hold him in his embrace until Zak would calm down and tell him whats wrong, but he couldnt do that in front of the cameras, because he knew that it would make Zak even more angry.  
"Then go that way," said Zak.  
"Ok..."  
Aaron went to the other hallway to go down the stairs, leaving Zak alone in the building.

Billy immediately noticed that Aarons cheeks are wet from tears, but Aaron refused to talk about what happened. He just waved his hand, telling Billy that "Zak has got one of his mood swings again" and dissapeared into the dark, yelling something about _fresh air_ and _a little walk around_ over his shoulder.  
"Im gonna check on him," wanted Jay to follow Aaron, but Billy stopped him.  
"He probably wants to be alone for a while, let him breathe. Zak can be a pain in the ass when his mood changes suddenly."  
"Im wondering how did Aaron endure that the whole time. I mean... Zak is so mean sometimes, especially when it comes to Aaron."  
"He doesnt mean the things he says, he is just that way, he cant help himself. He is a great guy, usually. He doesnt want to be mean, he just isnt able to control his tongue when he gets into this... angry mood or whatever it is."  
"Yeah, but... sometimes he just says things... Im just wondering why didnt Aaron quit like Nick did."  
Billy raised his eyebrows.  
"You dont know why? Bro, its pretty obvious!"  
"Why?"  
Billy placed his hand friendly on Jays shoulder.  
"You should wear glasses more often. I thought that I cant see shit without my glasses, but dude, you are practically blind if you dont see what is going on between Zak and Aaron. At least... whats going on with Aaron."  
"Huh?" Jay was confused. "What the hell do you mean, Billy? Are these two dorks gay for each other and now their honeymoon is over or what?"  
Billy smiled a little.  
"No way... NO - FUCKING - WAY!" shouted Jay. "Are you telling me that Aa..."  
"Shhh, he doesnt need to hear you," shushed him Billy.  
"How did you find out? Did he tell you?" wanted Jay to know.  
"No, he doesnt need to. Just... watch him. Look at him. How he stares at Zak, how many times he tries to touch him and when he does, its not... he isnt touching him like a friend, he is touching him like as if Zak would be a chick, you know, soft and... gentle and... yeah... You didnt see that? Like... never? They fucking spent the Christmas together!"  
"Yeah, and you spent the Christmas with me, so whats the point?"  
"Yes, I did, but Zak called me and told me that he is sick, but in fact he just didnt want to throw a party. I talked with Aaron, and when I said that Zak pretended to be sick and everything else, he told me that he will come over to me, that he just needs to visit him. Aaaaaand... he didnt show up at my party. He stayed overnight. With Zak."  
Jay gave Billy a frightened stare.  
"You mean... like... they two... uuum..."  
"Yeah, exactly!"  
Jay turned to the dark, seeing Aarons silhuette leaning against a tree, his head down.  
"So... what are we gonna do? Are we gonna... I dont know... help them to be together?"  
"I think we should pretend like we dont know about anything and just watch them from afar. Dont tell Zak, for the love of God! He would kill us both and it wouldnt help Aaron at all. Lets keep an eye on them... on our... honeybuns."  
"Honeybuns? Thats freaky, dude."  
"Yes, it is... I just felt like we need a _password_ for this. Now, when I will come running, yelling honeybuns, you will know that something is happening."  
"You will be the one who is gonna explain Zak, why are you running around a haunted building, yelling _honeybuns_ at me through your walkie-talkie."  
"Alright... Watch out! Aaron is coming back! Lets pretend we were packing the gear or something..."

\------------

The crew was packing the equipment silently. Everyone could tell that something happened between Zak and Aaron and nobody was in a mood to risk the possibility of arguing with angry Mr. Bagans.  
Billy was taking the static cameras off of the tripods and Zak was helping him. Aaron rushed in like a tsunami.  
"Zak, I want to talk to you."  
"But I dont want to talk to _you_."  
Billy almost dropped the x-camera.  
"Oh, sorry... Im just gonna... pack these and... leave."  
Zak turned back to Aaron.  
"Zak, about that EVP..."  
"You really think it says I wanna kill Zak Bagans?"  
"I dont know, maybe it says something else, lets play it again with Billys audio software to find out what it says!"  
"Im tired, Aaron. Im not in the mood for going through the files for evidence right now."  
"But... Zak! Are you really gonna be mad at me for some bloody EVP?"  
"Im not mad because of the EVP, its because what you hear in it!"  
Billy was slowly taking steps backwards, hands full of gear, leaving those two arguing weirdos on their own.  
"Zak, how can you even think that I hear something evil in the EVP because I want to do that to you? I always wanted you to be safe, _always_! How can you even think that I would want to hurt you?"  
"I dont know, maybe because Im not completely yours. Because you dont own me for yourself."  
"I told you that I respect all of your choices, no matter how much they will break my heart, if you think that something is good for you and you want to do that... I said that I will be okay with it! If you dont want to be mine, I cant force you to! And I would never hurt you! I would never hurt your feelings and I would never hurt you physically. Im not Nick!"  
"No, youre not," whispered Zak. "And you never will be."  
"Yes, thats right. And I knew it from the beginning. And I told you, that Im fine with that, because I understand that you just cant tell your heart to stop love someone and fall for someone else. And Im sad that you even thought that I would force you to do that by using violence against you. Im sorry, but as you said, I will never be like Nick. Im not gonna treat you like he does. Im not like him. And if you thought just for a second that I could be, then Im done here, Zak. Im done."  
"What do you mean by _done_?"  
"I thought that I proved to you that Im not like the others, not like Nick. I thought thats why you seem to... like me. I never wanted to harm you, but you obviously think thats what I want to do."  
Aaron scratched his head.  
"I dont want you to see me like someone who wants you to do something you dont want to. I tried to understand you, support you, give you time, space, so you can decide whats better for you on _your_ own, so it _your_ choice, but clearly its still not enough for you. I love you, Zak, and I would never do anything that would hurt you in any way, I thought that you know that."  
"I know, Aaron, I..."  
"No, you dont. You couldnt see me as something that Im not, if you would. I said, that I will wait forever, no matter what happens, but maybe its time for me to stop at trying to show you that love can mean something else than just obeying your master. I wanted you to see how great can be to have your own will and still be respected. I wanted you to feel how beautiful it is to be loved just because its you, with all your imperfections and little flaws and mood swings and glasses and weird taste in house decorations and... and... cute high-pitched laugh, because thats beautiful, when someone loves you because of you. When someone loves the whole of you, all of you. And I do."  
"Aaron, I..."  
"Please, dont. I know that you dont love me the way I do love you and I know that you never will, I just thought that I can keep you company, that I can at least be near to you and make you smile. That was all I asked for. Perhaps it was too much. And that leads me to think that maybe... maybe I should stop at trying to win you, because it could be better for both of us."  
Aaron turned away and left the room, without any gear, as he completely forgot about taking anything to the base.  
"Aaron, no, wait!"  
Zak tried to stop Aaron and catch him with both of his hand, but the pulled them back righ after, because Aaron was out of reach.

Zak sat down on the couch, suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of loss and it was so physically affecting, that Zak thought he is going to die for a moment. He was just sitting there, his head in his hands and he expected to burst out crying, but his eyes remained strangely sore and it felt even more worse than if he would start to cry.  
Footsteps made him to look up.  
Aaron returned for the cameras.  
"Im sorry, Aaron," said Zak quicky before Aaron vanished again.  
"You dont need to be. Its my fault that I have put you in this position."  
"In what position?"  
"You feel quilty, because you love Nick, but you allowed me to touch you. Because you allowed yourself to let me touch you. Thats why you are mad at me. But you dont need to be. You can do what you want. I will no longer try to convince you to be mine, when you feel guilty because spending time with me."  
Aaron grabbed the gear and left Zak alone.

\------------

Everything was packed, Billy and Jay were already outside and Zak was still inside, uploading the files with the videos from the cameras to his flash disc to watch them at home.  
Aaron stepped in with an angry face and when he saw Zak, for a second it looked like he is going to turn around and run away, but he just sat down on a chair next to Zak.  
"You are crying," realized Zak, when he saw Aarons wet cheeks.  
"Im not," bawled Aaron and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.  
"You are. Talk to me."  
"Gosh, Zak, if you only knew..." Aaron left the tears fall from his eyes. "No... I think you know how it feels. To be next to someone, who likes you, but his heart belongs to someone else. To see someone smile, knowing that you are not the one who makes him smile the brightest. To touch someone, knowing that in another second he is making love to someone else than you. To feel your heart break everytime youre alone at home, knowing that the person you love more than you life is happy somewhere with someone else. It hurts to move, to talk, to breath. I guess you know that feeling well."  
Zak was silent. He knew exactly how Aaron feels. And he knew that Aaron is talking about him.  
"You said that youre about to stop at trying to show me how real love feels. Aaron... I dont want you to stop. Please, dont ever stop at trying to do that. I know, Im selfish, Im giving you hope and I... I dont know whats wrong with me. I love Nick, but the thought of losing you feels like dying. Please... believe me. I dont know how to live without you. Im kinda used to be without Nick, even if it feels like hell, but please, please, do not ever leave me, _ever_! I would die without you, I swear."  
Aaron took Zaks cold, shaking hands in his palms.  
"I will never leave you. And I will never stop at trying to win you, I dont know why I said that. Maybe I thought that you will feel less guilty, if I quit doing that so... obviously."  
"Why are you still loving me? After everything that happened?"  
"I said that multiple times, Zak, I dont know how to better explain it to you. I love you, because its you, thats the only reason. Because everything about you is perfect to me. You are perfect. In every single way. When you smile at me, the whole world just lights up with bright colors and when you kiss me, I wouldnt mind to die in your arms, because it feels like I need your lips more than the air. Im just crazy about you. I need you to keep me breathing, because only when Im with you living makes sense to me. Thats why I love you, Zak. I know, I tried to live like a normal guy, I had relationships with women, but this... loving you, only this is real. For the first moment in my goddamned life its for real. You, Zak, youre the only love I found. And I guess I knew it from the beginning, because obviously there is no way of how to not fall in love with you. I just kept it as a secret, trying to avoid that feeling of being desperate to touch you, but when you started to show me some affection, I just couldnt help myself, I left the feeling inside me grow, break its chains and swallow me whole. I dont regret doing that, I dont regret anything. Im not sad that I left that to happen, because its the best. Loving you is the best thing in my life, even if you dont love me back."  
"Aaron, I..."  
"Shh, let me talk. Im gonna be by your side until you tell me to leave you alone. Im gonna be with you as long as you want me to.  
Zak gave Aaron a shy, soft kiss.  
"Youre not gonna ever leave me, are you?"  
"Never, babe. All of the stars in the universe could burn out and it would never change a thing."  
Aaron caressed Zaks cheek.  
"I will never, ever leave you."  
"Does that mean youre gonna spend the rest of the night with me?" asked Zak playfully.  
"No, Zak. I dont want it to look like we made up and now I need you to validate that in bed with me."  
"So what about some late dinner? Or maybe early breakfast?"  
Aaron hesitated.  
"Come on, buddy, lets have at least a coffee, I dont think I will fall asleep tonight."  
"Coffee and some chocolate muffins," said Aaron and Zak bursted out laughing.  
"And muffins, yeah, and some donuts with strawberry flavour, if it means that you are gonna spend more time with me."

The two guys got up and went outside with the last gear. Billy and Jay were already in the car. When Aaron closed the car trunk, Zak pulled him closer, being sure that nobody can see them.  
"How much does your kiss cost?"  
"What about a slice of cake with cream?"  
"How about two slices of cake with extra cream?"  
"Thats two kisses," smiled Aaron and kissed Zak twice and quickly. Then he embraced him, giving him a long, passionate kiss.  
"What was this kiss for?" asked Zak, smiling, his eyes still closed.  
"Thats for the extra cream," whispered Aaron is his ear and Zak laughed, when he got in the car, making Jay and Billy exchange a "honeybuns-alert" stare.  
Oh, yes, like these two wouldnt know what was going on outside between Zak and Aaron.

\--------

A hour after, Zak and Aaron were sitting in a small local cafe, both of them having a strong black coffee and Zak laughed, because Aaron looked like a hamster, when he shoved a big piece of cake in his mouth and Zak almost spilled his coffee when Aaron tried to say something and it probably was _Dont laugh_ but is sounded like gibberish and Zaks eyes were filled with tears from laugh.

"Can I tell you something?" asked Zak, when they settled down a little, Aaron finally eating his chocolate muffins.  
"Of course."  
"But you need to promise to not be mad at me."  
"I wont be, I promise."  
"So... when... I dont know how to start."  
Zak was nervous and it was cute, the way he played with one of his sleeves to hide that made Aaron smile a little. _No, there is absolutely no way to be mad at you, love..._  
"You know, Nick and I... me and Nick... he... I loved him since the first moment we met and I didnt mind to do whatever he wanted to do and I loved it, when he was rough, but sometimes it was too much, but I somehow enjoyed that, meeting with Nick meant sex and sex meant pain and I really, really loved it that way, we tried almost everything and it was great, even if I have some scars, I dont mind them, but this time, on the New Years Eve, Nick was like out of his mind, but I didnt stop him, because I thought that... experiencing the pain I loved so much again will make me feel better, good, like in the old times, but it didnt. I felt used, like a toy and I didnt like the feeling, but I just left him to continue, because I never said no. Thats why I have these wounds that you saw during the lockdown. Do you think Im weak?"  
"No, Zak, youre just in love. You have never been in love with someone else than Nick. You learned everything you know about love and sex from him. Its normal to do things that your lover likes to do to show him that you care, but its also normal that your lover does the same for you. You learned to obey, to sacrifice your own free will, to accept something without asking why and now you think its the right way, but it isnt, good relationship are not like that and you just need some time to find that out by yourself, to think about what you really want to do, just because you love someone and what is too much for you and you dont want to experience it again."  
"And what did you learn about love in the past?"  
"When it comes to women, I failed multiple times, I guess its because it just wasnt the right way for me, but I learned that you need to respect your loved one, that you cant force people to do what you want them to do, because one day the pressure will be heavy enough to make them leave you. Forcing people to do things that they dont want to do, thats not love, thats dictatorship. And when you came into my life, I learned to never give up on someone, if your love is real, because its not about owning someone, but about taking care of the one you love and make that special someone feel good, even if its not me to whom you always come back to. To be with you, at least now and then, thats everything I need."  
"Then why dont you want to spend some time in my hotel room?" smiled Zak.  
"Because... God, Zak, youre teasing me, I want to go to your hotel room, of course I do, I just wanted to say that..." Aaron paused in the middle of his sentence and looked at Zak.  
"What?"  
"Youre right, lets go," said Aaron and paid for their orders.

When they arrived at the hotel, Aaron pushed Zak to the bed and took off his shirt.  
"Im gonna take care of those wounds, babe," whispered Aaron between kisses, took off Zaks glasses and put them on the bedside table and Zak lay down on the bed.  
Aaron took out an ointment from this bag and Zak could smell marigolds.  
"Whats that?"  
"Just an ointment, it helps the skin heal."  
"Should I be worried?"  
"No," smiled Aaron. "Im always bouncing into things and sometimes its worse than just a little hit, Im covered in scratches and bruises and this helps the skin heal without having a scar."  
Aaron slowly caressed every wound on Zaks back with a single finger covered in a healing ointment. Most of them were just thin scratches, but some of them were more than skin deep. When he was done, he kissed Zaks nape gently. Zak was just lying there, his eyes shut.

"Do you think that it was a mistake?" asked Aaron after a while of silence.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well... you and me... you know... Christmas night..." Aaron blushed like a teenage boy and he was glad that the lights are out and Zak doesnt see him, his face buried into the pillow.  
"No... not really. I feel guilty sometimes, but... I wouldnt say that it was a mistake. It... happened. You wanted it to happen. _I_ wanted it to happen. I mean... Both of us wanted it to happen, so it happened. It was... I dont think its a mistake, because I felt..."  
Zak sighed.  
"Gosh, its so hard for me to talk about it. What I wanted to say, is... I enjoyed every moment with you. The Christmas night, the Christmas morning, it was beautiful, I never experienced something like that, like never in my life and you... the time I spent with you, I feel somehow guilty because of that, but on the other hand I dont regret a single second I spent with you on Christmas. I... loved it."  
Aaron lay down on his back next to Zak.  
"Thank you."  
"For what?" Zak got up, leaning on his elbows.  
"I was so scared that you think that what happened between you and me was wrong. You are in love with Nick and I... I..."  
Zak leaned to Aaron and kissed him.  
"You are the best thing that happened to me, Aaron, and I know that well. Im just too blinded by Nicks darkness to see your light. I love Nick, but you... you mean a lot to me. More than I ever thought you could. If I can tell you the truth... I think that I want to be with you, like... for real. I think that I really do, I want to be with you so bad, but... the thought of letting Nick go is killing me... I loved him for years, now its almost 14 years, its hard for me to let it all go. I dont know what to do. I feel like an idiot. I know that its right to move on and that I should do that, because it would be good for me, but I guess that Im just too caught in the past to do the first step. Im lost, Aaron, Im so fucking lost in this. And I just cant find my way out. Maybe... maybe time will tell."  
Aaron thought about what to say to comfort Zak, but suddenly he realized that there could be a deeper meaning hiding in Zaks confession.  
"That... that means that I have a real chance?"  
Zak was just staring in Aarons eyes, his face close. He said nothing, his only response was a gentle kiss. Aaron pulled him closer, not asking any other questions and Zak was resting his head on Aarons chest, all silent, snuggled to his body, when Aaron suddenly noticed he fell asleep. He wasnt trying to wake Zak up, even if he wasnt about to sleep at all, those two black coffees that didnt clearly work for Zak at all were keeping him awake, but he didnt mind. He was just staring at the ceiling, smiling, holding Zak in his arms, guarding his sleep, nuzzling him whenever it seemed that Zak is having a bad dream. Zak was sound asleep for a couple of hours and when he woke up, Aaron screamed inside his mind like a freaking fangirl, because Zak was just _so damn cute_ , when he lifted his half-closed eyes and just said _Hi_ in a husky voice. Aaron just melted at that sight.  
"Good afternoon, sleepyhead."  
Bright sunrays were creeping through the closed jalousie, that was casting a striped shadow on the wall, while the room was filled with soft white light.  
"Afternoon? How long was I asleep?"  
"Just a few hours."  
"A few hours? Damn, sorry, I didnt want to fall asleep, why didnt you wake me up? It must have been uncomfortable for you just to lie here with me being asleep, not mentioning that holding me the whole time without moving at all must have been painfull after a while... Wait... You _held me_ the whole time?"  
"Uuuum... just a little bit," smiled Aaron brightly. "I didnt want to wake you, you needed some sleep, you were tired, I knew that since we arrived to the lockdown location. How do you feel? Do you feel better?"  
"How do _I_ feel? I feel great, actually. Much better than I did in the past few days. But you need to be exhausted, and I bet that half of your body is already numb because of me lying motionless on your chest for hours..."  
Aaron pulled Zak back down.  
"I could just lie here with you for the rest of my life without complaining about any pain or discomfort, do you believe me?"  
Zak smiled shyly, his cheeks blushing bright red and again, Aaron would swear that his whole body and mind just melted.  
"Yeah, we can do that, but Im not sure what would Billy and Jay think if you would tell them that we are not leaving this bed."  
"They would probably carry us out with that bed, so we dont need to leave it."  
"Im afraid that they would need to break the walls, because I think this bed is too big to fit through the door," laughed Zak and cuddled back to Aaron, entwining his fingers with Aarons and then he just sighed silently.  
"Are you ok, babe?" asked Aaron, placing a small kiss in Zaks messy hair.  
"Yeah... I just... maybe... Maybe I dont want to leave this bed either. Right here, right now, its just... perfect. But outside of this room... I dont know what to do. I dont want to leave, because now Im safe, but once we leave this room... Im afraid of how this all will end."  
"Zak, you dont need to be afraid. Whatever comes, Im gonna be there for you. I know you are gonna make it. _We_ are gonna make it."  
"You promise?"  
"I promise."

\-----------  
The days were flowing like a water in the river and nobody knew what Aaron did to cheer Zak up, but it worked. Whatever it was, it caused that everything went back to normal and maybe it was even better than before. When the crew met to prepare the gear and discuss the next investiation, Aaron was joking and Zak was laughing so much that he had tears in his eyes and Billy winked at Jay, forming the word _honeybuns_ just with his lips without making any sound, causing Jay to feel so awkward that hed rather decided to check the cars.

The investigation at the Slaughter House was intense, but also incredibly funny, with Post Malone absolutely confused and scared of sounds that only he heard, but they were never captured on the audio and it seemed that most of the time the guys were scaring him to make the episode even more amusing.  
Somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode couldnt believe his eyes. 

_How come that they arent mad at each other after the last episode? How come that they actually never analysed the EVP that made Zak angry at Aaron? ___

__The investigation at Ripleys Believe it or not! started like a great afternoon spent in a museum full of oddities and Zak enjoyed that place so much, that he overcame his fear of small places and crawled with Aaron inside a tunnel made out of connected boxes to find a hidden skull. When he wanted to get out, Aaron was joking, he didnt want to move out of Zaks way and Zak, instead of yelling at Aaron, he just said _Please, Im serious, Aaron, Im gonna panic_ , instead of freaking out and being mean.  
Somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode raised his eyebrows in surprise and his jaw dropped._ _

___Why isnt Zak yelling at Aaron like he always does? Is Zak realy asking Aaron politely to let him out instead of telling him to get the hell out of his way?_ _ _

__The second day was meant to be only just a lockdown night, but _honeynbuns_ just wanted to have some fun and they tried everything that the museum offered, being so cute while running around, twisting tongues at themselves in a two-way mirror.  
Somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode _fucking knew_ what is going on between those two dorks._ _

___Zak wants to have fun on the investigation just when he is in a good mood. Does that mean that he is happy? Does it mean that Aaron makes him happy?_ _ _

__When the lockdown started, Zak noticed that Aaron isnt himself after a little while. The energy was swirling around them and at the same time the camera downstairs captured a light turn on, and when Billy, Zak and Aaron went to check that out, they found out that a black tape fell off a security camera. While standing in the hall, Aaron felt something touch him, like a feather would tickle the back of his neck. The place was strongly affecting him and he immediately started to freak out.  
"Dude," cried Aaron out with a shaking voice. Zak was still standing in the hallway, but when he saw Aaron desperately waving his hands around he practically came running to calm him down.  
"Hang on, hang on, hey, come here, come here." Zak was on his way.  
"Seriously man, Im just... there is just so much going on with me..."  
"I know, Im here, shhh, I know... Calm down..." Zak placed his hand on Aaron shoulder and to his own surprise, Aaron immediately calmed down, he breathed out in relief and his panic attac was gone at least for a few moments.  
Somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode almost choke on his drink, when he saw that._ _

___Did Zak just fucking comfort Aaron? Did he just give him a pat on the shoulder to make him feel better instead of leaving him alone at that place?_ _ _

__Zak even offered him and Billy to go back to the base if they dont want to be at the same place as Zak when he will hold the mummys foot, and although Aaron said its a bad idea, he didnt want to leave Zak alone and followed him to one of the museums oldest artifacts, being all brave, standing close to Zak, closer than Billy and shouting out a worried _No_ when Zak told him he felt his heart palpitate strangely after touching the mummys foot.  
The guys captured some really incredible evidence on the SLS camera, that was maping a figure next Zak and when Zak needed to sit down because of a sharp pain in his foot, it was only the knowledge that Zak wouldnt be happy if Aaron would take him in his arms and carry him out of that building in front of everyone, that stopped Aaron from throwing away the camera and kneeling down to Zak.  
After that happened, the guys separated. Zak was watching them on cameras from nerve centre, Jay and Billy were doing an experiment with ions and Aaron, who was directly below Billy and Jay in the basement, started to hear loud noises and Zak suddenly noticed that he needed to sit down and after he got up again, he heard a chant and it made him extremely confused. Zak went to check on Billy and Jay and right after that he told Aaron to meet him at the nerve centre, because he didnt want to leave him downstairs in the basement longer than necessary.  
Aaron returned, his eyes wet and full of tears, and he told Zak about what he experienced down there while trying to capture some EVP and when Zak saw him, he just couldnt continue, he just couldnt expose Aaron to such a danger, so he decided to make a quick Paranormal Puck session before they finished the investigation, still having Aaron next to his side and keeping an eye on him to make sure that he isnt feeling bad anymore.  
Somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode was practically out of his mind._ _

___Is Zak trying to keep Aaron safe? What happened to "leave Aaron alone as long as possible to gain some evidence"? The whole episode was like a soap-opera! Zak, the mean one, the one that always forces the others to do the dirty job was now caring for Aaron? He was worried about him?_ _ _

__The Alley of Darkness investigation was in the sign of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. Not literally, but the place that GAC visited this time was a former recording studio, that had many secret rules and only the chosen ones were able to get inside. It was very interesting and Patti Negri, a psychic medium GAC fans know well was a part of this investigation. It was one of GAC classics, a scary, heavy atmosphere and Zak even told Aaron to go alone and do a spirit box session, but he didnt force him to, he just asked Aaron to do that and Aaron just went to fulfill Zaks wish and climbed on the staircase where a man fell down and died. After a while he jumped off and nearly hide himself behind Zak.  
Somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode saw that just as another confirmation of what was happening during the whole episode._ _

___Like as if I couldnt see whats going on between you and this son of a bitch. He is close to you the whole time, he is next to you the whole episode, you are walking around together the whole fucking investigation, if he would grab you by the hand I wouldnt be surprised at all._ _ _

__The Kennedy Mine investigation was full of emotions. The GAC actually investigated the remains of two mines, the Kennedy Mine and the Argonaut mine where many miners burned to death in a tragic fire accident. Everything was in fact looking pretty innocent, so innocent that somewhere, in some other state, a man watching this episode was actually questioning his own sanity, because now it was looking like those signs of affection that Zak and Aaron were sharing just... dissapeared. They werent clinging to each other like they did in those episodes before, they had their distance, everything just looked like a normal GAC investigation without any hidden subtext in the way Aaron is staring at Zak like as if he would be an angel or in the way Zak is talking to Aaron in a soft, calm voice.  
When Zak, Aaron and Jay arrived to a nearby mineshaft, Zak decided to leave Aaron alone out there. Yeah, a GAC classic. No hidden subtext.  
Until Zak and Aaron got out of the car.  
Aaron refused to stay alone and grabbed the car wheel and didnt want to let go and Zak just scuffled with Aaron, at least that what it did look like, like as if these two morons were wrestling and laughing like two young guys, who have feelings for each other, and one of them isnt quite sure if the other guy really likes him, so he wants to test that by touching him, but because he cant do that directly, he tries to camouflage his shy touches as a scuffle.  
Fangirls all around the world were screaming and it took maybe just 20 seconds, before the fans started to discuss this scene on internet, saying that _Zak and Aaron had a moment_ , that was so cute that the only other moment that could be compared to this was when Zak met a little cat and was petting it while saying _Hi, kitty kitty_ in a high-pitched voice.  
A _Zaaron moment_. Thats how fans called it. And everyone saw it.  
Everyone including a man, watching this episode somewhere, in some other state.  
Everyone including Nick Groff._ _


	4. New You/Mercy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... the plot: In the last chapter, Nick saw a few episodes of GA and he noticed that Zak and Aaron are behaving a little bit more than just friendly to each other when they are together, so he comes back to Zak to tell him and whats more important TO SHOW HIM, that he doesnt tolerate that. What will happen? Will Zak forgive Nick for leaving him? Will Nick finally figure out that he wasnt treating Zak good? Maybe you will find out if you read this chapter ;-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... I dont know what to say, I changed my opinion on how this chapter should end for like thousand times and I... Im confused same as Zak. Yeah, thats the right description for this chapter. Anyway, enjoy, its still not the last one!
> 
> Im sorry for any grammar mistakes etc., when I write I dont care for them :D I read it again and edited what I saw, but there can be some mistakes left, so please, dont mind them :-)

Nick almost fell off his couch. He was secretly watching all of the Ghost Adventures episodes, getting proves that something is really going on between Zak and Aaron, but what he just saw, was... He didnt think twice. He grabbed his phone and sent a short text message to a number he didnt have in his phonebook, but he knew it by heart, packed a few things in a backpack and even if his wife didnt understand why he suddenly needs to meet some ghost hunters from another TV channel on the other side of USA and was upset that he didnt tell her earlier, he just kissed her on her cheek, telling her that he will be back home soon and he left her standing between the door without even turning around to wave his hand.

The sound of incoming message woke Zak up. He felt tired, because he was editing the files from GAC investigations non-stop and he also needed to gave some interviews, because the Demon House documentary caught a lot of attention, so he took a little nap before meeting with Aaron, because he didnt want to fall asleep in the cinema.  
Zak grabbed the phone, still half asleep.  
What he read woke him up completely, blood freezing in his veins.

**Meet me at 6am at the airport**

Zaks heart skipped more than just one beat and he felt like paralyzed. Again, when he thought that Nick forgot about him, he appeared like an evil spirit from the dark, luring Zak back into the lowest depths of their own personal hell.  
Zak hesitated, but the text message from Nick worked like black magic and Zak had no chance to resist.

When Zak arrived at the cinema, he got out of the taxi with a guilty and desperate look on his face.

"He is coming back, isnt he?" sighed Aaron, when he saw Zak. It was clear as day.  
"I dont know if he is coming back, he just wants me to meet him tomorrow in the morning."  
Aaron just sighed again.  
"What should I do?"  
"Its your choice, Zak. If you want to meet him, then go and meet him."  
Zak lowered his head, feeling awkward and stupid for wanting to meet Nick, when Aaron is standing right in front of him.  
"You dont need to feel bad about it," Aaron caressed Zaks arm, "Im not mad. You will see him tomorrow, that means that tonight we dont need to think about that, if you dont want to change our plans."  
"No, No! Not at all! Im just... Im stupid, so stupid," Zak shook his head. "I dont want to meet him, but I also crave it so much... I dont know why Im so drawn to him..."  
"Its ok, Zak, dont think about that. It doesnt matter for tonight."  
Zak lifted his stare.  
"Really?"  
"Really. So... movie night?"  
"Movie night," smiled Zak and followed Aaron to the cinema.

The cinema was dark and full of laughter and Zak forgot for a while that he is about to meet Nick tomorrow and that it makes him nervous as hell. Aaron held his shaking cold hand in his warm palm and when the movie ended, Aaron drove Zak home.  
"So... are you gonna call me tomorrow?" asked Aaron, afraid that even if Zak said that he actually doesnt want to meet Nick, tomorrow will change things again.  
"I will... actually... I..."  
"What?"  
"I dont want to be alone tonight... do you think that I can spend the rest of the night with you at your place? I know that Im meeting Nick tomorrow, but right now... I want to be with you."  
Aaron leaned to Zak and kissed him.  
"I couldnt wish for more," said Aaron happily and started the car.  
They were driving the whole way to Aarons house silently, Zaks hand squeezing Aarons thigh, distracting him from keeping his eyes on the road.  
When they arrived, Aaron turned to Zak.  
"Are you sure that you dont want to go home?"  
Zak seemed to be caught up in the clouds.  
"Zak?"  
"Yeah, no, Im sure, I want to stay with you, can I? Please..."  
Zak moved his hand from Aarons shoulder to his lap and Aaron gasped for air. He didnt want to waste time, so they got out of the car and went to Aarons house, they stripped each other, clothes flying through the air, creating a messy pile on the floor.  
Aaron kissed Zak from his neck down to his belly, tasting Zaks skin with his tongue. Zak closed his eyes and tried to not think about Nick, but the image of his eyes and lips just kept creeping in Zaks head and he just wasnt able to enjoy the attention Aaron was giving him.  
"Aaron... stop..."  
"What happened?" Aaron blinked a few times, but he immediately pulled back.  
"I... Can we just... cuddle this time?"  
"Of course, my love."  
Aaron crawled under the blanket and covered Zak with it and held him close, spooning him from behind, his big arms like angel wings protectively hiding Zak underneath them and Zak felt small and lost and for a second he thought that he actually doesnt want to be found.  
"Why are you doing this?" asked Zak quietly.  
"Why am I doing what?"  
"You know that Im meeting Nick tomorrow. I persuaded you to let me spend the night with you and now Im just lying here in your bed without even... Why are you still with me?"  
Aaron kissed those healing wounds on Zaks shoulders gently.  
"Because I love you."  
"But Im behaving like a teenager."  
"No, Zak, you are just confused."  
"Im hurting you."  
"Zak... babe, you are my dream that came true. You are my fulfilled fantasy. You are a miracle. I never needed to regret a single second that I spent with you."  
"But... you dont want me to do my decision?"  
"I do, but I cant force you to do anything, Zak. Of course, I want you to choose me, but if this, this embrace, this feeling of having you close, if this is what you decide to give me now and then... And even if you decide to end it with me... as long as you are happy, I am too."  
"I would be selfish if I were you. I am, in fact, selfish as fuck, because Im dating both you and Nick."  
"As I said, I want you to be mine, there is nothing in the world that I would want more, but... you are my love, Zak. I want the best for you. And if the best for you means that you will be happy with someone else, then... go for it. Ill be good."  
"Are you sure? Youll be good?"  
"God, no, I would be devastated. But I cant make the decision for you, Zak and no matter how it would break my heart, you need to do whats best for you, you need to do what makes you happy. And if sometimes... I promise that I will be waiting. You know that."  
"Yeah, I do," whispered Zak and he was sure that there are thousand things that he doesnt know, but yes, he knew for sure that Aaron will keep his promise and with this thought he fell asleep in Aarons arms.

\---------------

Zak woke up, his legs feeling numb and strangely tangled with Aarons.  
"Damn, I need to go! Nick is waiting for me!" freaked Zak out, when he checked his phone to see what time it is.  
Aaron opened his eyes, looking like a sleepy teddy bear.  
Zak put on a shirt and pants and kissed Aaron gently.  
"Thank you for a wonderfull night."  
"No problem," smiled Aaron. "I will call you later to check on you, is that ok with you?"  
"Yeah, buddy, call me later. Bye," Zak gave Aaron another kiss, that was a little bit longer than before. Aaron could tell that Zak doesnt want to leave, so he embraced him tightly.  
"No matter what happens, babe, I will be here, waiting for you."  
Zak looked up and Aaron kissed him on the tip of his nose.  
"Now go, dont make him wait. I dont want him to be angry at you because you are late."  
Zak sighed, when Aaron let go of his hold.  
"See you soon, babe. Dont make me wait either."  
"I wont," promised Zak.

\---------

Nick was waiting in the airport hall, looking impatient, wearing a baseball cap with its brim back and he was looking so weird and unfamiliar, that Zak almost mistaked him for some strange, nameless guy, because at the airport actually were like dozens of men looking like that. Zak wanted to give him a hug, but Nick took a step backwards to get out of Zaks reach. Instead of saying _Hello_ or something like that, he said a cold _You are late_ to Zak, before focusing his attention on Zaks clothes.  
"Wheres that t-shirt from? I have never seen it on you."  
Zak checked his clothes.

_Fuck! Aarons t-shirt!_

The skull of Jack Skellington printed on the shirt smiled wickedly, like as if it was alive.  
"Its mine," blushed Zak awkwardly.  
"Looks like something that Aaron would wear."  
Zak shrugged his shoulders.  
"And that pretty pentacle. You are wearing this pendant from the New Years Day. Its new? You never told me if its a gift from someone. Why werent you wearing it earlier?"  
"I... dont know. I wasnt? Never thought about it. I have tons of pendants."  
Nick gave Zak a suspicious stare, but that was all he did. Zak breathed out in relief, when Nick took his backpack and went outside to get in Zaks car, not asking other questions.

Once they arrived at Zaks house, Nick didnt wait any second longer and he begun to strip off Zaks clothes by unbelting his pants.  
"Nick... I need to talk to you," said Zak, trying to push Nick away.  
"Again? We can talk later... I have the whole day and night booked for you, pretty boy."  
Zak wanted to stop him first, but he left Nick to help him to take off his shirt.  
"You dont have any scars," said Nick, surprised when he saw Zaks back.  
"Yeah, I took care of it. I had a healing ointment."  
"What a shame! I thought I left a mark or two for them to see to who you belong to."  
"Them? Who do you mean?"  
"Everyone."  
"Everyone?"  
"Like Aaron, for example."  
"Aaron? He knows that I belong to you."  
"Does he? Oh, thats new for me. So he knows. And yet he is still trying to steal you from me."  
"He isnt trying to steal me."  
"He isnt? So what were you two doing at the Kennedy Mine?"  
"What? Nothing!"  
"Then why did you... _wrestle_ with him by the car?"  
"He didnt want to let go of the wheel when I told him to stay alone!"  
"Zak, are you trying to lie to me? I saw the episode and it was clear as day! Two average straight men wouldnt be wrestling like two gay teenage college roommates. I watched enought TV shows and series to know how a scene like that will end. And I know you well. I see right trough you and I know the way you are touching someone who is more than a friend for you."  
"Funny that you said that. Who was the one that I fell in love with? Who was leading me on and giving me hope? Who taught me how to touch a man?"  
"Me, I know it was me. And thats why I know you so well."  
"Fine, so you know me. But sometimes it seems like _I_ dont know _you_ at all."  
"What do you mean?"  
"You are still so far away, Nick. I know that its because you have a family, Im not mad at you that you love your children. And Im not mad at you that you didnt break up with your wife, because that would mean destroying your family and leaving your kids. But you have been married practically since we met. You knew that we will never be together and I knew it too, but I thought that we can be together at least during lockdowns and it was enough for me, but you left and now after those years you are visiting me again like... twice in three months and all you do is that you are arguing with me about Aaron. He is close to me, but he knows that I still belong to you and Im repeating it all the time, so believe me, he really knows. Even without any marks that would prove in some sick way that Im yours."  
" _Sick_? What about that little scar on your ass? You almost celebrated the fact that I left a scar on you!"  
"Yeah, but that was something different! How would it look like if I would be forced to take off my shirt during lockdown and the whole crew and the _whole world_ would see like twenty scars on my back? How would I be able to explain that? I bet you wouldnt be happy if I told everyone that you _marked_ me during sex so the whole world knows, oh no, so _Aaron_ knows that Im your property. You are married, you have your wife. You have no rights to claim me as _yours_ , because you are not _mine_. Im spending time with Aaron because I always did. Now its just more often and its because you left."  
"I dont know what tricks you are trying to play on me. Are you still trying to make me jealous by dating Aaron? Because if so then you are succeding."  
"Am I?" blinked Zak in disbelief.  
"You are," whispered Nick as he took a step closer, "and its driving me fucking crazy."  
Nick suddenly pulled Zak close and he almost lost his balance, but Nick catched him in his arms, brushing his body against Zaks so he can feel him being already hard in his pants.  
"Kiss me," Nicks silent voice cracked a little, "before I lose my mind completely."  
Zak got lost in the kiss, as Nick pressed his mouth on his lips, kissing Zak wildly and Zak could feel all of Nicks angry emotions in that kiss and for the first time he could tell that Nick is really desperate and out of his mind because of the thought that Zak could really be questioning whatever it is that they share.  
"You dont want to break up with me, do you?" asked Nick.  
Zak just shook his head quickly, kissing Nick again, taking off the cap of Nicks head.  
"Im so mad, Zak, Im so mad at him," said Nick and walked around Zak, standing behind his back.  
"Im so mad, because he is still trying to get in your pants."  
Nick embraced Zak from behind, shoving his hand under Zaks pants and boxers, giving him a few strokes. Zak leaned his head back on Nicks shoulder, closing his eyes.  
"And thats a thing that only _I_ am allowed to do, right?" whispered Nick in Zaks ear.  
"Right," answered Zak faintly, being distracted by Nicks touches.  
"You are mine, say that you are mine," Nick kissed Zaks neck and Zak slowly opened his eyes again.

_Am I? Am I still yours?_

Suddenly Nick pushed him forwards, face to the wall and he pinned Zak with his body, holding his hands behind his back.  
"Say it!"  
"Yo-yours... Im yours..."  
"Thats right, pretty boy," smiled Nick, brushing his clothed erection against Zaks ass.  
"God, I cant wait to fuck you," purred Nick into Zaks ear, making Zak breathe heavily instantly, "but I guess I just like to play."  
Nick sat down on the couch, unzipping his pants, his cock firm and swollen and he started to jerk himself off.  
"Take off your clothes, I want to watch," ordered Nick and Zak begun to strip, first he took off his shirt, then pants and boxers. Nick was watchig him, pleasing himself slowly.  
"Come to me..."  
Zak got closer and after a long time when he was refusing to do it, Nick took his cock in his mouth, sucking on him, making Zak moan out loud, when he started to finger his hole to make him ready. After a while he dragged Zak down into his lap. Zak fucked himself on Nicks cock slowly, his eyelashes fluttering like two butterflys wings.  
"Thats right, pretty boy, ride me," groaned Nick and lifted up his hips a few times quickly to speed things up, "fuck me hard..."  
Zak held onto Nicks shoulders, overwhelmed and almost collapsing, begging Nick to slow down, when Nick held him around the waist to keep him from moving, and he was thrusting into him quickly, and Zak was almost crying, so Nick stopped but just for a little moment. Then he told Zak to get on his back, and Zak was half sitting, half lying on the couch, while Nick got down on the floor on his knees, Zaks legs over his shoulders to keep Zak open, so he can fuck him even deeper. He started with slow, deep thrusts and Zak groaned in pleasure.

 _Yeah, thats right, thats what I want..._

"Damn, you are so tight around me, pretty boy. You like that, huh? Do you like to feel me so deep inside you, fucking you nice and slow?"  
Zak only nodded, unable to form words in his mind, not to mention that he wasnt able to speak out loud. Nick growled like an animal.  
"You know that I need to punish you... I told you that I want you to be a good boy, but you were misbehaving, again... On your knees, now!"  
Zak crawled down on the floor, Nick grabbed him and held him with one hand by his shoulder, with the other hand by his hip and fucked him hard, making Zak scream with every hit, with every thrust, and Zak tried to get free from Nicks hold, but Nick held him tight, giving him no chance to escape.  
"You always loved it this way, why are you not enjoying it now? Its because of him? Did he fuck you differently?" asked Nick without slowing down the tempo.  
Zak was unable to answer. Yes, the way Nick fucked him was amazing, he was thrusting into him quickly, sharply and aggressively, hitting Zaks prostate in a way that only Nick was able to, but Zak just didnt want to end it so quickly, like usual, he wanted it to last longer.  
"Tell me!"  
"No... no... I... I just... I dont want it to be over yet..."  
"So you cant get enough of me," smiled Nick, before biting on Zaks shoulder, leaving a wet, red imprint of his teeth on Zaks skin.  
"Sadly, this is gonna be my punishment... you can get more of me, but only if you start to behave right... Dont cry," said Nick when he saw a tear roll from Zaks eye. "This isnt my fault! Its you who forced me to do this to you... So now... hold still, I want to fuck you so hard that you will have a real reason to cry!"  
As Nick said, he fucked Zak rougly, shoving him to the floor, laying down on him and when Zak left out a sobbing "Please, dont...", he covered his mouth.  
"Be quiet, pretty boy, dont you know that this is what you deserve? Why do I need to remind you to who you belong to? You are mine, I can do what I want with you, dont you like that?"  
Zak tried to say something, but he just couldnt do that with Nicks palm covering his mouth.  
"Shhh, I know you do, I know you love it as much as I am, dont try to pretend that you dont want me to fuck you like a wild animal, you want to feel me deep, do you? Im gonna show you that there is no one who can make you feel better than I do..."  
Zak would swear that he was unconscious for a few seconds, when Nick bit him so hard, that he broke the skin on Zaks shoulder with his teeth and yes, _oh, God, fuck_ , it was so amazing, so incredible and _yes, I need that, punish me... teach me how to behave... do it..._ and Nick came, groaning next to Zaks ear like a real wild animal. Zak blinked a few times when Nick slipped out of him, thinking that its over again.  
"Lick me clean," ordered Nick, and Zak turned over to do what Nick told him to do, licking his cock from the bottom to the top, and again, again, again, and Nick grew hard once more in Zaks mouth in no time. Zak almost choke on his cock, when Nick grabbed his head, fist full of his hair, pushing him down, fucking his mouth, giving him no space, no chance to breath properly.  
"Yeah, suck me, pretty boy..." moaned Nick. "You are so beautiful, down on your knees, mouth full of my cock, I like to see you like that, look at me... yeah, suck my dick, make me come..."  
Zak lifted his stare, looking Nick right in the eyes, licking his cock, drawing circles with his tongue around the top and for a little while it was Nick, who was a moaning mess under Zaks control, but it lasted just for a minute, before Nick got up, holding his cock above Zaks face, jerking himself off.  
"I want to cum on your handsome face, will you help me?"  
Zak sticked out his tongue, rubbing Nicks cock, waiting for him to cum and Nick was looking down at him, caressing his cheeks, moaning and closing his eyes, his breath heavy, his cock twitching and pulsing with the coming orgams and Zak licked the leaking precum from the top of his cock, his cheeks red, his tongue wet, waiting for Nick to come, his fingers working on his erection, and it made Nick cum for the second time, every single muscle in his body tensed at once, as he was squirting his hot seed all over Zaks face, and the sight of Zak kneeling in front of him was like as if a filthy porn movie turned into reality.  
"Good boy," whispered Nick, when he catched his breath. "Now... what about you?" asked he with a cold voice, handing Zak a paper tissue to clean his face. Zak accepted it and he felt awkward like never before. Like... _a slut, like a cheap whore_. But... he needed to admit that he kinda liked that and it made him even more confused, he wasnt able to orientate himself in his own thoughts, because yes, it wasnt right, Nick wasnt treating him good, but even if it was awkward for a second, the memory of Nick coming over his face and waiting tongue was hot as hell, so exciting that he needed to hold his cock in his hand and squeeze it tight to prevent himself from coming.  
"Looks like someone isnt satisfied..." smiled Nick cruelly. "Alright then..."  
Nick helped Zak to get up from his knees, only to push him down on the chair and then he left the room for a moment. When he came back, he tied both Zaks legs and arms to the chair.  
"Im not sure if you even deserve to be satisfied tonight, but... you know, I have this weakness for you, I want to hear you moan, I want to see you shiver, so..."  
Nick kneeled down.  
"...so I guess its time for me to give you what you need, at least for once."  
Nick licked the top of Zaks cock with his tongue.  
"But you..."  
Nick licked Zaks cock all the way down from the top.  
"...need to promise me..."  
Nick took Zaks cock in his mouth, trying to take as much of Zaks lenght as he could.  
"...that you will never, ever misbehave again..."  
Nick lifted his stare, looking almost innocently at Zak.  
"Can you do that for me?"  
The rope tied around Zaks wrists and ankles was tight and Zak felt it breaking his skin. He looked down, Nicks dark eyes sparkling with passion and danger, a combination that was driving Zak wild.  
"Promise me, that you wont misbehave again and I will treat you better, I swear."  
Zak took a sharp breath. He felt tired and every muscle in his body was tensed and he felt like on fire. He couldnt do anything else than just nod his head.  
Nick smiled and got up on his knees, kissing Zak and when Zak wasnt paying attention, he pulled on the chain with that little pentacle pendant and the chain broke. Nick tossed the pendant away somewhere. Zak suddenly felt even more exhausted, like as if the tiny pentacle was giving him strenght and now, as Nick took it from him, he felt just like a bag of bones and muscles, that he isnt able to control.  
Nick bit on his inner thigh, making Zak squirm underneath his touch and the bite was so painful, that it made Zak cry. It seemed like its funny for Nick to see Zak like that, because he laughed, when he saw Zaks tears.  
"Little boy is crying? Maybe you need a little more entertainment..."  
Nick left Zak again and opened the drawer full of whips, chains and another _toys_.  
"Yeah, here we go," smiled Nick and took out a paddle.  
Zak just swallowed. They never used this one specific tool, so he didnt know what to expect from it.

Nick kneeled down again, his tongue circling around the tip of Zaks cock, while he untied the rope and dragged Zak down on the floor again.  
Zak was on all his fours, shaking.  
He wasnt prepared for the first hit.  
Sharp pain rushed through his whole body, when the paddle touched his ass and balls.  
"Nick, please..." cried Zak out through the tears, "please, stop... it... hurts!"  
"Since when you dont like the pain? Its because of him? He changed you! He made you this way!"  
Another hit.  
"Please, Nick, stop!"  
"No! Im not gonna stop! You are mine, Zak! _Mine_!"  
Another hit.  
Zak thought that he wont be able to bear the pain and he screamed out loud. Nick shoved a gag in his mouth to keep him silent.  
Another hit.  
"Your ass is so beautiful, pretty boy. And your balls, swollen and red, I like that sight."  
Nick started to stroke Zaks cock.  
"I think you like it, you are still hard as a stone."  
Another hit.  
Zak almost fell down to the floor. His arms and legs were shaking and he felt dizzy.  
"Cum for me, pretty boy," ordered Nick and took the gag out of Zaks mouth.  
"I want to hear you," Nick pushed three fingers in Zaks ass, fingering him roughly while working on his erection and even if it was painful as hell and uncomfortable, Zak came with a loud scream. Then he collapsed down to the floor immediately, his legs and arms no longer being able to function.  
Zaks eyelids fell down like two heavy curtains and everything around him went dark and silent.  
His last thought, before the world around dissapeared in darkness was Aaron, his arms wrapped around Zak, while they were lying in the bed at Aarons house, when Zak asked why Aaron is still with him, and Aarons voice telling him _Because I love you..._

\----------

It was about 11pm, when the ringing tone of Zaks phone filled the room and woke Zak up. He was lying in his bed, Nick calmly breathing in and out next to him. He opened his eyes.  
"Who is that?" wanted Nick to know, while rubbing his eyes.  
"Um... Aaron," said Zak the truth.  
"Dont answer the phone."  
Zak raised his eyebrows and suddenly felt defiant. He just pushed the button for answering the phone and said "Hi, buddy," softy, while continuing at something, what seemed to be a staring contest between him and Nick.  
"Hi, Zak, Im just calling like I promised."  
"Thanks, Aaron, thats very nice from you."  
"Is everything alright?" asked Aaron when he noticed a strange tone in Zaks voice.  
"Yeah, Im fine."  
"Really?"  
"Im a little busy right now, but Im glad that you called," added Zak quickly.  
Aaron understood.  
"Ok, good. Im gonna call you tomorrow. Bye, _Zak_."

 _Zak_. Just _Zak_. He didnt say _babe_ and Zak suddenly felt like as if he was left alone somewhere in a foreign country and he cant find his way home.

"Bye, buddy."  
"Bye."

Aaron ended the phone call and Zak placed his phone back on the bedside table. He felt guilty, but not because he talked with Aaron in front of Nick, although he didnt want him to answer the phone. He felt guilty because Aaron is worrying about him, he wants to be sure that Zak is at least ok and alive. And he said _Im a little busy_. Saying _Call me later, Nick just sucked my cock and fucked me like a cheap whore and Im tired_ would sound better than that.  
"Zak, would you do everything for me?" asked Nick.  
"Of course," answered Zak with a steady voice, but his aching soul was immediately questioning it.  
"You and Aaron, I dont want you two to be friend anymore."  
"What do you mean?" Zak turned to Nick to face him. "I cant just tell Aaron to stop being my friend!"  
"Why not?"  
" _Why not_? Are you serious? I know him for so long, he is a part of the GAC..."  
"I was a part of GAC too."  
"Yeah, Nick, but leaving us was your choice! What do you want me to do? Kick him out of the team?"  
"If thats what makes him to stop acting so _friendly_ around you, then yes."  
"Are you fucking kidding me, Nick?!"  
"No. I want you to fire him."  
"Im not gonna do that, ever!"  
"I want you to do that!"  
"But I dont want to do that! Aaron didnt do anything wrong, I cant fire him! And beside that, he is my friend!"  
"He is more than that, Zak! Admit it finally! You are different and he made you that way! I cant recognize you, Zak! You are a completely new person!"  
"What if I want to be a new, better person? What if I want to be the person he allows me to be when Im with him? He doesnt want me to follow any rules, I feel free and safe and I want to feel like that. With you Im not feeling that way."  
"Thats because he is around you too much. Let him go, Zak. Tell him, that you belong to me, that he cant visit you anymore."  
"Interesting order from someone, who visits me after years, makes me choke on his cock and then goes home and sleeps in one bed with someone else. Every night."  
"Thats different, Zak. Im married."  
"Yeah, Nick, you are married, thats the point. It means that I will never have you."  
"I thought that you are ok with that."  
"I was, but it was years ago, when you were a part of GAC, I could be with you nearly every day, at least two or three days and nights in a week, it was easier for me to accept that you are alway going back home to your wife when I knew that it is just for some days and that soon I will be a moaning mess in your arms again. Now I cant count on that. And Im asking myself every day if what you said at the airport was true. Do you really love me, Nick?"  
"I do, Zak. And you? Do you love me?"  
Zak was staring at the floor, whispering and Nick couldnt almost hear what he said.  
"Thats it, Nick. Im asking myself every day if you really meant that you love me. And whats even worse, Im starting to ask myself if its still true when I say that I love you."  
Nick was completely frozen. He was so shocked, that he literally wasnt able to move, speak or think for a few seconds.  
"Maybe you should go."  
"What?!" Nick doubted what he heard. "Are you telling me to get out?"  
Zak didnt say a word, he was just staring at Nick, his stare steady, but drowning in the salt water of tears he was trying to hold back.  
"I dont know when I will be able to visit you again, Zak. It can be months. And I still have time, Im yours till the sunrise. Im yours for the whole night."  
"Yeah, Nick. You are mine just for a couple of hours, sometimes for the whole night, but thats not enough for me, I just can handle it anymore."  
"I get it. Aaron is better for you, because he has all the time in the world to spend it with you."  
"Its not about Aaron or anyone else, Nick! Its because I want to have something real. I want to have someone I can call _mine_ , knowing that Im the only one who can call him like that."  
"So you are breaking up with me. I love you, Zak, and what we did before, didnt that feel real enough for you?"  
"Oh, come on, Nick! If loving someone means meeting him ocassionally and fucking him senseless, than you have a really wicked picture about love. We never talk."  
"What? I think we talked a lot today!"  
"One conversation that didnt in fact solve anything. I dont want to break up with you, I just want our relationship or whatever it is to change! I want to experience usual stuff with you, like a date, a real date, I dont know, maybe a dinner or something, when we will just talk about us, about our future, if we have a future at all. I just want those small things, to watch a movie and laugh and cuddle, to go out, a phone call to say goodnight, well, I dont know, small things. Something nice, not just mindless sex."  
"Now you are talking like a chick. I dont know what got into you, but you know that I cant take you out on a date. People would see us together."  
"So what? They saw us together before."  
"But I was a part of GAC then!"  
"Whats the difference? Does it mean that they cant see us together in public because you are no longer a part of our crew?"  
"Everyone thinks that we dont talk to each other."  
"I think that our fans, both of yours and ours would be happy if we became friends again."  
"We arent friends, we are more than that."  
"Yes, but no one needs to know! When I said _Take me on a date_ I didnt mean it like you need to kiss me in front of thousand people! Tell me whats wrong with going out with an old friend, just talk, have some drinks, nothing horryfying!"  
"Its still a big risk. Someone can find out. People are curious."  
"Like who? Like your wife for example? I know that you left because she told you to and many people think that too."  
"Yeah, like Aaron."  
"No, like half of the internet and half of the fans I talked to! They told me about some posts on your facebook page, where a few people said that Im a douchebag, that I have treated you like shit and that you will be better off without me. Your wife gave a thumbs-up to those posts. Now tell me that she doesnt have a personal problem with me."  
"I dont know what to say, Zak. I never saw those posts or my wife reacting to them. But even if she did, why are you mentioning that?"  
"Because I think thats why we are still hiding! I dont want you to come out, I dont want you to tell the world that there is something going on between me and you, I just want us to be at least friends in the public, so we dont have to play hide and seek with the world every time we meet. Thats all. I want a little taste of normal life. This _little dirty secret_ of ours... I dont know how long will I be able to hold on, to live like that. I dont want it to end, but sometimes its just too much. Its unbearable. And it doesnt matter wheter Aaron is trying to win me or not. I had this feeling inside me for a longer time. I felt like that earlier, much earlier than when I tried to make you jealous by touching Aaron in front of the cameras. I was just desperate and this was my last attempt at trying to get you back after you left. And its not Aaron, maybe its the whole situation that somehow helped me to open my eyes."  
"And what is it that you see?" asked Nick.  
"I see a man, that has my heart, my body and soul, all of me, but it isnt enough for him to treat me a little better than just someone you can fuck over and over without showing him at least a friendly affection. I was waiting the whole time time, I was thinking about you every day. I was thinking about you a lot, more than I probably should! You know, sometimes you like someone so much, that you dont see the way they really are. And sometimes you love them so much that you dont even want to. And thats how I feel about you, Nick. I thought that we are meant to be together, I thought that you want to be with me, but when you left... I found out that you lied to me, I was just an affair for you, but I tried to convince myself, that what I think its not true, I wanted to believe that you are different."  
"I am."  
"No, Nick. You´re not. And its time to face it. For both of us."

Zak crawled out of the bed, leaving Nick in his bedroom and headed to the shower. He stepped in, turned the water on and closed his eyes.

 _Fuck. Again. A grown man crying in his bathroom. Thats very mature, Zak, really,_ talked Zak to himself.  
The sound of an opening door made him force himself to stop crying, because...

"Zak?"

... _yeah, who else would it be than Nick_.

Zak didnt say a word.  
Nick stepped into the shower and took Zaks head in his hand to make him look in Nicks eyes.  
"I would die for you."  
Zak just blinked, confused.  
"Do you believe me, Zak?"  
Zak still just stared at Nick, his mouth open in surprise.  
"I... I... yeah... maybe..."  
"Tell me your favorite memory, when it comes to us."  
"What?" Zak almost slipped on the wet shower floor, when he took a quick step back, as Nick grasped for his arm.  
"Us, think about us and tell me your favorite memory, quickly."  
"Well... I dont know... Nick, what the hell, what are you trying to do? Make me sad? Make me melancholic? And for what reason? To hurt me even more?"  
" _Love_ , please... tell me about your favorite memory, I want to hear every single detail."

... _Love_...

_Love?_

Zak felt goosebumps all over his body and the warm water was suddenly like hot oil on his cold skin.

"So... I dont know... Maybe... Maybe... Why dont you tell me first? I still dont get what do you want to achieve."  
"Okay, my favorite memory?"  
"Yes."  
"When it comes to me and you?"  
"Yeah, surprise me... for once."  
"My favorite memory is... do you remember Transylvania?"  
"An experience like that is something that is hard to forget."  
"Yeah, but... us..."  
"Im talking about _us_ , you moron. Your... _bloodlust_ was... And I called you _My Dracula_ , dont force me to think about that."  
"Zak... wait, Im talking about that moment, when we were all together, the whole crew, watching tapes, you were sitting next to me and we both had hands under the table and our fingers touched, you brushed your fingers over mine and I took your hand and..."  
"Wait, what? Thats your favorite memory?"

_So simple. Yet so breathtakingly beautiful._

"It is. Now tell me about yours. I told you about mine, you tell me about yours."

Zak swallowed. He didnt want to open up those wounds, to let those memories, that Zak was trying to starve to death by not thinking about them, come to life again. He didnt want to do that, but a memory just appeared in his mind.  
"When we were in San Diego, we... we kissed at the beach. We were trying to drive the waverunners and when the guys went to their hotel rooms, we stayed at beach till sunset, till no one was around and we ran into the water like little kids and then you kissed me... You kissed me. At the beach. And the sun was setting right at that moment, and everything was like covered in gold. Me, you, us. Your eyes, before you closed them, when you leaned to me to kiss me, were reflecting the sparkling water and it was like magic. Like fire that came to life. Thats the most beautiful moment I remember."

Nick came closer. Zak was too upset to resist, when Nick wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly.

"Why?" Zak looked at Nick, cheeks wet from tears. "Why are you doing this to me?"  
"Because youre everything to me."

The kiss felt like an avalanche and Zak was caught in it, his head dizzy, because the hot water filled the bathroom with steam and it was hard to breath and Nick was stealing the air from his lungs, and one part of Zak wanted to fight, to push him away and yell at him to get the hell out of his life, but he just surrended, and suddenly he lost the time, for a while it was another world, another dimension, another life where Nick is his and will never leave him again.  
"And now," said Nick, while continuing to kiss Zak, "tell me about your favorite sex related memory..."  
Zak laughed, his lips still brushing over Nicks.  
"What are you trying to do, Nick?"  
"Nothing, Im just curious," smiled Nick back, connecting their lips again.  
"You go first," whispered Zak.  
"Alright... We were investigating the Jerome Grand Hotel. We spent the day in our hotel, doing stupid vlogs and I came back to your room in the evening. We heard someone outside and you panicked, because you thought that it is Aaron, doing another of his vlogs, and I pushed you against the window... We could be caught at any moment, but we didnt care and we even left the lights on..."

_Naughty. Of course, but... yes, we could be caught and he... he just didnt care... nothing was more important, nothing, even being caught wasnt that important to stop him from..._

"Whats your favorite sexy memory?"  
"Thats easy. I was in Paris, I was about to go into the catacombs and I saw you in the crowd, so I followed you and found you in a hotel. We were on the floor in front of that big, marble fireplace."  
"Thats it? This is your favorite memory? Why? Because of that fireplace?"  
"Dude, you went to Paris! And you brought me fucking flowers! Oh, and yes, that fireplace just made it all even better. If this isnt the most beautiful sex related memory, then..."

Zak froze.

"You... you went to Paris."  
"I did."  
"You didnt need to. You just came to visit me. Because... you wanted to."  
"I know. Now you see why I wanted you to think about those memories. To show you that I always cared for you. To show you that I still do. Nothing changed."

Zak lowered his head. 

_Maybe... maybe is Nick telling the truth... maybe... No. Even if he would, this... this is too much._

"Do you wanna know why is Paris my favorite memory?"  
"Why?"  
"Because we were far away from here, Nick. Far away from our real lives. In Paris, there was no crew, no paparazzis, no... _Veronique_. Thats why it was so beautiful. In Paris, thats the only time when you were really mine."

_It hurts. It hurts so much. Please, God, let me die, I dont want to feel this pain..._

Zak needed to take a deep breath and gather all of his courage to say out loud what he couldnt hold in any longer.

"I cant forgive you. No. I _wont_ forgive you. You know that this doesnt lead to a good and _lived happily ever after_ ending. Why are you still ruining my life? Why are you still coming back? Every time I think that I finally erased you from my mind, you come back and everything starts over again. And Im tired. I so tired of this. I just dont know how to hold on. You... you promised to stay with me! You said that no one... you said that the fact, that you are married, wont stop you from being with me whenever you can."  
"You dont need to forgive me, Zak. I just want a chance. After all those beautiful moments we shared together, doesnt I deserve at least that?"  
Nick kissed Zak slowly.  
"Nick... I dont know. I just... I just want to be alone. I dont want to see you. I dont want to hear from you. I need time to think about that."  
"So youre really breaking up with me."  
"Im not. I just need to... I need to be alone for a while and maybe... maybe I will forgive you. Try to call me... after some time."  
"How long means _after some time_?"  
"I dont know... a few weeks. Give me few weeks."

Nicks arms were suddenly empty. Zak got out of the shower, a towel around his waist. Nick ran out naked and found him downstairs.

"You really mean this..."  
Nick couldnt believe that everything he thought is... everlasting, is now turning to dust in front of his eyes.  
"You dont love me."  
"I do, Nick, I swear I do. And thats the problem. I need some space to think clear. When youre near... Im a mess."  
"What if... What if I can prove you, that I care for you?"  
"Try it," shrugged Zak his shoulders, "but Im not sure how well will it work."  
"I promise, that I will find a way to let you know that I really care for you."  
" _I promise, I promise..._ Im hearing that too much and you never keep your promise. Why should I believe you this time?"  
"Because you love me. Thats how it works, you trust those you love."  
"Great. But you dont need to trust me, when I say that Aaron isnt forcing me to leave you."  
"Okay, I trust you."  
Zak gave Nick an angry look.  
"Really? You are saying that just because you want me to trust _you_ , not because you really mean it. And again, you are saying things just because I want them to hear and you think that saying them to me will shut me up."  
"Zak..."  
"Im not a little kid. And I know you. Dont try to say that Im not right."  
"Okay, but just maybe when it comes to Aaron. I really meant when I said that I love you, and I will say it again. I love you, Zak, I dont want the end of us."  
"Me neither... but... maybe you should really go. Leave me alone for a while. Think about those ways to convince me that you love me, if you really do," hissed Zak and handed Nick his shirt.

Nick took it without saying a word. He found the rest of his clothes, still being silent until he was fully dressed.

"I have the rest of the day. The whole night. The morning. Dont tell me you dont want to spend this time with me."  
"I do. But also... I dont. I dont want to see you... for a while."  
"Zak, is this all for real? If you dont want to see me, how can I prove to you that I love you?"  
"You know what, Nick? Maybe its not because I think that you dont love me. Maybe its because I think that I... that I..."

Zaks voice faded. He couldnt stop the tears and Nicks face turned to a fuzzy surreal portrait.

"Maybe its because I dont know if I still love you."

Nicks eyes darkened. He took his bag and went to the front door. He didnt turn around when he said:  
"Alright, do what you want. Take your time. I might call you. Or not. I will, if you want. I know you do, youre just not gonna say it, you want to make it harder for me. And thats fine. But if you want to think about us, Im gonna do the same thing. And like you, I cant tell what this will mean for us."

The door slammed behind Nicks back and Zak was left alone.  
He got what he wanted.

...or not?


	5. Eye Of The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So... Nick is now gone again, how is Zak gonna deal with that? How much close with Aaron is he going to be after Nick left? And will Nick ever come back again? Read this chapter and maybe you will find out ;-)
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, Im not a native english speaker, so... there might be mistakes, please pretend that you dont see them, thank you :-*
> 
> Used lyrics:  
> Chase Atlantic - Now!  
> Chase Atlantic - Tidal Wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, seriously, for me, this chapter was the hardest to write. I found out that Aaron has a girlfriend (or might) when I was writing that part before they went to investigate at the Leger Hotel and I had like the biggest writers block of my life (except of those two years, when I wasnt able to write a single word for my vampire-themed book, but I need to praise myself, because I did it in the end and it was published in Czech Republic 3 years ago and now Im writing a second one :-) ). I just couldnt force myself to write Zaaron, I want to say that - yes, Im so happy for Aaron, he is like the biggest heart of GAC and he deserves to be happy, but I just couldnt shake off that feeling of betrayal, he fucking left Zak Bagans? Who the fuck would do that? Oh yeah, we actually know who did, Nick Groff did and it broke my fucking heart to see Zak being desperate and in a depressive state of mind for YEARS and now when he finally became happy with Aaron by his side, it just happens again? Like, I know that Nick was married, so he didnt actually "leave" Zak, because they couldnt be together from the start - like officially, a full relationship, I think you understand, he left the crew and Aaron didnt leave the crew, so he didnt "leave" Zak, but... aaaaaaargh, I just got so fucking pissed off, like hey, I know this is fan FICTION, and that means that this stuff isnt REAL, but everything in my fic was looking like as if these things are really happening, like the pentacle Aaron gave Zak for Christmas and wham bam! Zak is wearing the pentacle in the "Zak Bagans and CW's Jeff Maher talk about 'Demon House' film and production issues" interview which can be found on YouTube (and some scenes with Zak wearing this pentacle are in my video) and I may be blind, but I cant remember Zak wearing a pentacle ever before and on top of all that, the pendant looks exactly like I described it in the fic, small, silver. And now the feeling of "Oh my God, I knew it, its fucking real, the are really in love" was gone and I really was about to leave this without ending or at least change something, because I just couldnt bare the feeling of being angry at Aaron for leaving Zak for a girl- and I admit that I have no right to be mad at Aaron, because he didnt do anything wrong, all of this is just a story, a fiction that was born in my head and like I said somewhere in my another fanfic - "If you dont have a proof, then it isnt real, its just a fantasy" - and I dont have a proof of Zak and Aaron being together, so... But then, after suffering for a long time, I got this crazy idea! I saw somewhere on pinterest, that not just Aaron, but even Zak might have a girlfriend at this time, Rosie Mac and there are some pictures on internet where she is with Zak, but I dont care, Zak has this public image and he always has... Im so sorry for that, but... plastic barbie girls as girlfriends and, lets tell the truth, every girl he was with was keeping his bed warm just for a while, so I think that he might be just pretending to have girlfriends to look like a straight guy, so why wouldnt Aaron do the same? He posted a picture on twitter, the first one and he wrote there that they were friends for a long time and now they realized its bigger, but now here is my theory - you know someone for a long time, so you tell the person to fake a relationship with you because of the public image, because people keep whispering about you and some person of the same sex. Sounds crazy right? But belive me, these things happen, I had a friend(boy) in school, who was gay and didnt want anybody to know a friend(girl), who wasnt lucky with boys, so they started to pretend that they are together just to make it to the end of school without dealing with bad jokes from the others. They werent kissing at the school hall, it was all just a facebook thing, but it worked. So now, if a 16 years old kid can come up with an idea like that, why wouldt anybody else do that? So I forced myself to think, that both Zak and Aaron have fake girlfriends to cover up their own real relationship and that helped me to get over this... trauma and write this chapter. Yeah, I may be crazy, but... Im just a fangirl, that ultimate type, so... please dont judge me and my emotions. :D

It was 6pm, when Aaron couldnt wait any longer and called Zak. The phone rang strangely long, until Zak finally answered it.

"Zak! Thank God! I know you said that youre busy and I dont want to bother you, but I just had this feeling that forced me to... Zak?"

Nothing.

"Zak!"

_Was it a breath? Was it a weep?_

"Babe? Are you ok? Zak! Talk to me! Talk to me, or I swear that Im gonna call the cops, but you can be sure that I will be at your house sooner than them to find out whats goign on! Say something, _please_!"

"Aaron..."

"Yeah, babe, Im here, are you alright?"

Zak couldnt help himself, the tears that dried out just a minute ago were falling from his aching eyes again.

"I..."

"Whats going on? What happened?"

Zak didnt answer and all Aaron could hear was loud sobbing.

"What happened, love? Talk to me..."

_Love..._

Zaks cry only got louder.

"Fuck, it doesnt matter what happened, Im on my way to you. Give me a few minutes. Im gonna stay on the phone with you, until I will be standing at your door."

Aaron ran out of the house and started the car, just as he was, dressed only in black boxers and grey tight undershirt, with pair of old blue slippers on his feet, a freshly made coffee left unseen on his table. He was still talking to his phone, trying to calm Zak down, and he was driving the car way faster than the limit allows to, although he was sure that it will cost him hundreds of dollars on speeding fines and what was even more dangerous, was the hard rain that flooded Aarons windshield like a river. But he didnt care, he would rather risk his life and the possibility of being hunted by cops than not to try to be at Zaks house as soon as possible.

When Aaron arrived to Zaks house, he was prepared to kick the front door open, if Zaks gonna be locked inside without answering.  
He didnt need to do that.

The front door was unlocked.

Aaron slammed them open and ran inside the house. 

It was a mess.  
The couch was looking like as if some animal attacked it. Or maybe as if someone imagined to stab a person, but stabbed the couch instead. And the tv... it was broken, lying on the floor in pieces. Someone was throwing bottles all around the place and sharp pieces of broken glass were like... everywhere. In the middle of this all was Zak, sitting on the ground behind the couch, naked, just with a towel around his waist. Aaron kneeled down to him, without thinking of getting his legs hurt by shards.

"Babe, what happened?"

Zak turned to him, eyes all red. He was looking completely exhausted, more like... devastated and his beautiful eyelashes were covered in little, almost microscopic crystals of salt.

Aaron saw them.

_Oh God, how long was he crying?_

"Zak! Tell me what happened!"

Zak covered his face with his hands and even if he was silent, Aaron could tell that he is crying again. Zaks shoulders were shaking and he was trying to hold his breath, because he didnt want to make any sound.

"Did you drink something?"

No answer. 

Aaron held Zaks hands down. 

"Did he hurt you?"

_He did._

Zak shook his head.

Aaron was looking at him with worries. Zak couldnt hold the cry any longer. 

_He fucking did._

His eyes filled with tears, as he nodded his head.

"What did he do to you?"

Zaks hands were trembling and he didnt say a word. He just kept staring at the floor, eyes wide open and crying uncontrolably.  
Aaron was desperate. He didnt know what happened, he didnt know if Nick did something to Zak, he didnt know if Zak isnt hurt, and above this all, he didnt know what to do.  
So he just embraced Zak, held him tight, caressed his back and kept whispering:  
"Its ok, my love, its ok, Im here, youre safe, everythings fine, Im here, you dont need to worry, I will never leave this to happen again, I swear, babe, Im here, its ok, its ok..." 

"Aaron..." Zaks voice was so faint, that Aaron almost didnt notice that Zak is talking.  
"Yeah, babe?"  
"Im... Im... so tired... I just want... to sleep..."  
"Yeah, you look like you need some rest, babe, come on..."  
Aaron helped Zak to get up, but Zaks legs were weak and Aaron needed to hold him around the waist to help him walk.

"Did you drank those bottles?" asked Aaron, looking around the room.  
"Just one of them... I think."  
"Can you make it to the bed?"

Zak just nodded.

Aaron almost dragged him upstairs, ready to take Zak in his arms and carry him to the bedroom, but it wasnt necessary in the end.  
Once Zak was safely lying in the bed, Aaron sighed.  
He didnt notice any injury on Zaks body, well, except the big wound shaped like _...dear Lord, are those... human teeth?_... on Zaks shoulder. And the fresh bruise that also looked like a bitemark on Zaks thigh. And those scrapes around Zaks wrists and ankles... _are those from a rope?_ And all those giant bruises on Zaks ass and on the back of his thighs.  
Zak lifted his stare to look at Aaron.  
"I just... I´ll be fine... I just need some sleep..."

Aaron caressed his cheek.  
"Of course, babe. I will be watching over you."

Zak stretched his right arm out from under the blanket, clutching Aarons hand.  
"Please, tell me youre gonna stay... with me."  
"I am. Im gonna stay with you. Dont worry, I will be here when you wake up, I promise."  
Zak smiled a little and closed his eyes. The second after his breath calmed down and when Aaron leaned down to him, Zak was already sleeping.  
Aaron was sitting next to him on the bed for hours, watching him taking deep, long breaths. Zak was pale as a ghost, except for his eyelids and cheeks, that were dark red from crying.  
Aaron left Zak alone just for a little while, when he went downstairs to clean the mess in Zaks livingroom. Once he heard some sounds from the bedroom, he ran up the stairs.  
"Im here, Zak, its ok, its just a bad dream..." whispered Aaron to Zak, when he found him crying from his sleep. He decided to lay down next to Zak and stayed awake and held him till the first rays of sunlight entered the room and Zak finally woke up.  
"I dont think he will ever change," were his first words. Aaron embraced him tighter.  
"I really wanted to give him a chance," started Zak to talk slowly, "but I dont know if he deserves it. We talked about some stuff and I... He said that he loves me, and I may even believe him, but... sometimes even loving someone just isnt enough, do you understand what I mean?"  
Aaron nodded. Even if Zak wasnt telling him the whole story, Aaron could imagine what happened.

_Those two were clearly arguing. There is no doubt about it._

"He told me that he will find a way to prove that he still cares for me. He was begging me for a chance and I... I told him... I told him to leave me alone for a while, so I can think about us and our future, so he left. He said that he will think about us too and that he doesnt know what will happen. I wanted him to go, I was so angry, but when he left for real.. I dont know if he will ever come back."

Zak turned around and lay down on Aarons chest.

"I was so mad at him, for everything he said, for everything he has done, _everything_. I just couldnt stand it, that feeling in me, that need to tell Nick that Im not like I used to be, that I want something different, that I need to change, that both of us need to change together, but... I didnt mean it that bad, but he clearly understood it that way. He understood it like Im... breaking up with him. I said that I dont want to, but... perhaps he does. Maybe he was just waiting for me to say something first, so he doesnt look like a complete asshole or... _fuck_ , I dont know. I wanted him to realize that I love him and that I need to see that he loves me too. I wanted him to need me, but the only thing I may have achieved is that he realized that its true, when I said that Im just an affair for him. Maybe he realized that he really doesnt need me. Maybe he likes me less now, because I disagreed with him. Maybe he doesnt want to be with me, because Im not doing what he wants me to do. And maybe... maybe its because were just not meant to be."

Tears started to roll out of Zaks eyes again, leaving wet stains on Aarons shirt.

"I didnt want it to end like that. He told me, that he might call me, but I dont think he ever will... I dont know what to do... I didnt want this to happen, I just wanted to talk things out, to speak with him about our problems and wishes, but it ended up like... always. Is it really love when he is setting rules for me? Aaron... he told me to kick you out of the team and I... I said..."

Aaron tensed up. Zak realized that he is holding his breath.

"I cant do that. I told him, that I will never do that."  
"You said _no_ to him?"  
"Yeah, because... I need you, Aaron. I... Me and Nick... we... we..."

_We did what? We fucked? No, that sounds rude. We made love. Nah, that would be a lie..._

For a split of a second, Aaron was looking at Zak with pain in his eyes and Zak could tell, that he is hurt.

"I know what you did together with Nick. I understand."

Zak felt terribly awkward. 

_What am I doing? Im just fucking things up, I dissapointed everyone, Nick, because I never did what he wanted me to do, Aaron, because he would do anything for me and Im sleeping around like a slut..._

"I know you are goíng to leave me, Aaron. I would hate me if I were you, because Im hurting you so much. And I know its no excuse, but... when we... you know... I couldnt help myself, I was thinking of you... Please, Aaron, _please_... dont leave me... I wont be able to live without you... Im a sinner, I know. Please, be my angel. Hold me, hide me under your wings. Please, dont let me fall..."

Aaron took a deep breath.

"I will never leave you, Zak. I dont care what happened. I mean that I dont care that you... Im just worried about you, ok? The wound you have on the back on your shoulder... its more scary than those wounds you had the last time. He did bite you like a wolf, he broke your skin with his teeth... The only thing I want to do right now is punch him in the face so hard, that I will broke the bones of his skull."

Zak swallowed.

"The only reason why I didnt jump in the car, drive trough the states to his house and kick his ass in front of his wife is because you wouldnt want me to do that. Thats the only thing thats holding me back."

Zak looked up to Aaron.

"Im gonna say just one thing. Nick is an asshole, if he left you, because letting you go... oh God, who the hell would do that? He must be crazy if he doesnt want you. I know that, because youre my everything and I would rather die than not be with you."  
"Can you forgive me...?"  
"I dont need to forgive you, Zak, you did nothing wrong. You... you tried to... you tried to save something between you two. You did what you thought will help."  
"But I shouldnt. Im sorry, Aaron, so, so sorry..."  
"I know, baby boy, I know..."  
Aaron kissed Zak in the hair and he breathed out in relief, when Zak smiled. In the next second Zak was sound asleep again.

\-----

It was around afternoon, when Zak woke up for the second time. The bed was empty, but next to it on a chair was Zaks bathrobe and some of his underwear. That little pentacle that Aaron gave him was lying on the table. Zak felt guilty. This pentacle... It was... _no, it is_... a sign that he and Aaron are sharing something special and Nick somehow sensed it, thats why he didnt want Zak to wear it while they... did stuff together. But Zak... he cherished this simple gift more than like... 99% of things in his life. And Aaron found it lying somewhere on the floor, probably somewhere under the couch or under the closet, because Zak was searching for it, when Nick left, but he was too upset and just couldnt concentrate himself and that was in fact the real reason for throwing things on floor in anger and breaking the tv.  
Zak dressed up and went downstairs. He felt his heart warming up by seeing Aaron standing by the stove.  
"Hey," said Zak silently, the feeling of shame hitting him again.  
"Hi, babe," Aaron turned around with a smile on his face. "A made some chicken soup and salad, nothing is better when youre not feeling well."  
Zak sat down to the table. Aaron placed a bowl full of steaming soup in front of him.  
"Its nearly like the Christmas day..." started Zak slowly. "Well, except for the tree. Im... I failed you and still... you are cooking for me, you... oh God, you cleaned all the mess!"  
Zak turned around. The house was clean and the air smelled like... like Halloween.  
"You used an air freshener or something? I smell... cinnamon..."  
"No," smiled Aaron, "that must be the caramel cheesecake thats hidden in the oven," said Aaron, still having a smile on his face.

_Is he mad at me or not? I would hate me... why am I still so special to him... after all the things that I have done wrong?_

"You made a cake?"

Aaron opened the stove.  
"Yep, its not that complicated, some cinnamon cookie crumbs, butter..."  
"Yeah, I get it... I just... Why are you doing this? Why do you care for me?"  
"Because you are not feeling well and I want you to be comfortable."  
"Thanks, but... I never did anything for you. Im an idiot and you... arent you mad at me for...?"  
Aaron sighed.  
"Zak... Im not mad, I expected that... something will happen between you two and... I cant say that Im happy that it really happened, or... that I dont care..."  
Aaron looked straight in Zaks eyes.  
"But as I said, as long as you allow me to spend my time with you, as long as I can touch you, hold you... kiss you... Zak... you disagreed with him, you told him that youre not gonna kick me out of GAC and it is... it means a lot to me, Zak, you did more for me than you can probably imagine... I appreciate that."  
"I cant even imagine to do that, Aaron. Youre... you are close to me and I... I just couldnt stand the thought of being without you, even if it was Nick, who told me to do that. I was prepared to do almost anything for him, but not this. You are too... dear to me for me to do that."  
"And you mean the world to me, Zak. You asked why I care. I care for you, because I love you and even if you sometimes seem to... be under Nicks spell, Im happy that you allowed me to be near to you and I see... well, I think that you... like me. If you wouldnt, you would tell me to quit the crew."

Zak blushed a little.

_Its true... I like you... a lot. More than... more than I thought I ever could..._

"And thats more important to me than anything that you two did... together."

Zak was still just sitting here, watching his feet and the floor.

"Eat something, it will help you to feel better," Aaron pointed his finger at the soup. Zak did what Aaron wanted. He took a spoon and tasted a little of the soup, even if his stomach wasnt really ok with that, but after a while and few another spoons he actually really felt better and he ended up eating the whole bowl of soup and the whole plate of vegetables.

"How do you feel?" asked Aaron.  
"Better... thank you..."  
"Okay, so... maybe you need some time to... uhm... perhaps... well... I can go now, if you dont need anything else."  
Aaron took a step out of the kitchen, but Zak stopped him.  
"Aaron... There is something, that I need."  
"What is that?" Aaron sat back to the table.  
"I... I need you to stay here."  
"Youre still not feeling well, are you?"  
"Im feeling fine, but... I just need you to stay here, with me... can you do that for me? I dont want to be alone. I dont want to... _be without you_. Can you stay with me for another night? Just one night, please..."  
"If you want to..." Aaron shrugged his shoulders.  
"I do! Just for tonight, I swear..."

Zak said _just for tonight_ but it actually wasnt just one night. Every evening, everytime when Aaron said that he maybe should go, Zak stopped him and begged him not to leave and Aaron just didnt want to say no to him. Zak always made those sad puppy eyes and Aaron had no choice but to stay with him. Aaron just went back to his house every evening to take some of his stuff like clean clothes or a toothbrush and neither Aaron or Zak did knew how that in fact happened, but it looked like Aaron moved into Zaks house. It wasnt only clothes and shower gel, Aaron brought his coffee machine, his painting stuff and more of his stuff.

But although Aaron practically lived with Zak, nothing happened between them. Zak was too ashamed of himself to try to touch Aaron and Aaron... he was kissing Zak, holding his hand, caressing his cheeks, embracing him, while they were sleeping in one bed together, but he wasnt trying to get in Zaks pants, because he wanted Zak to heal, not physically, but emotionally and he was scared that Zak would be more confused if they would be taking things too fast, so they just cuddled on the couch while watching a movie or before they went to sleep.

Nobody actually found out that Aaron is spending all of his time at Zaks house. Zak and Aaron behaved like as if they would be just friends. As they were investigating the Old Gila County house, Aaron even made fun of Zak, when he didnt want to open the door and let Zak inside, when he was standing on _the bridge of sighs_ and Zak got his revenge when he locked Aaron inside a jail cell. Aaron was a little bit angry at Zak and there was... nothing, nothing in the episode was indicating that Zak and Aaron are closer to each other than before. There were no soft touches, no hungry stares... nothing. The guys investigated the place, got some amazing evidence by communicating through the Ovilus device, Aaron spent most of the time locked up alone in a cell and Zak wandered trought the halls of the Old County house with Billy. Nothing special happened.  
And nothing special happened at Zaks house, until that one night before investigating the Leger Hotel.

Zak woke up in the middle of the night. Everything was covered in darkness. The moon was hidden behind clouds and it was raining heavily. The streetlights were off for some reason. Zak woke Aaron up immediatelly.  
"Aaron? Aaron, wake up..."  
"Huh? Whats going on?"  
"Nothing... I just had a dream and it felt so real..."  
Aaron was half asleep. His eyelids were heavy and even if he tried to keep his eyes open, the sleep was stronger than his will.  
"What dream?"  
"I... I leaned over the kitchen table and you... you fucked me from behind..."  
Aaron tensed up. What Zak just said was like an aphrodisiac. He was thinking about making love to Zak for some days, but he didnt want to do something that can fuck things up.  
"Aaron? Are you awake?" asked Zak when Aaron didnt respond in any way.  
"Completely," said Aaron. He was staring into the dark, Zaks words made him grow hard under the blanket and Zaks hand, resting on his stomach was dangerously close to his erection.  
"Maybe we could..." whispered Zak, his hand finding its way under Aarons boxers.  
Aaron didnt think twice. He didnt want to force Zak to do something, but when Zak said _Maybe we could..._ it was a sign for Aaron that Zak wants it, that he decided to let this to happen. He got on top of Zak, kissing him wildly and Zak seemed to enjoy that, but when Aaron moved his lips to Zaks neck, Zak begun to tremble and he started to hyperventilating after a while and in the end Aaron needed to turn on the light and bring Zak a glass of cold water.

"Was I too.. was it too fast for you?" asked he, when Zaks breath slowed down.  
"No... you did nothing wrong. I... I dont know what happened. It was... a panic attack or something. I swear that I wanted... but I... gosh, this is stupid. _I am_ stupid."  
"No, babe, youre not," Aaron crawled back to the bed. "Forget it. We can go back to sleep, I promise that I wont touch you, unless you want to."  
Zak cuddled to Aaron and tried to sleep, but he felt nervous as hell. Aaron stayed awake with him for the rest of the night, talking about everything that was on Zaks mind until 7am, when they needed to leave the bed and meet the rest of GAC before they headed to Hotel Leger.  
Zak felt better, he needed to talk, to let things out and he slowly stopped being worried about letting Aaron in, to open up for him, to show him what he really hiddes inside. Aaron knew him well, maybe he knew him better than anybody else in this world, but there were some mysteries about Zak, about his love-life, about his childhood and about his mood-swings that Zak didnt discuss with anyone, he rather didnt think about these things at all, but on this night, je just talked and talked, about _everything_ and Aaron just listened, happy that Zak is trusting him so much, that he tells him things that no one else, except Zak himself, knows.

It was a big, important night for Aaron, but he was exhausted after being awake for the whole night and he just slept through the whole investigation at Hotel Leger, getting no evidence, except the sound of his loud snoring.  
Zak wasnt mad at him, he actually felt sorry for Aaron, because it was his fault that he kept Aaron awake for the whole night, talking and talking non-stop about nonsenses.  
Zak was grateful, he appreciated what Aaron is doing for him after Nick left. It was nice to come home, when the house isnt empty and cold, when someone is there, waiting for Zak. And it was nice to be at home, where it is all cozy and comfortable, with warm tea and good meal, that someone prepared for Zak. Zak was rather with Aaron at home, he didnt need to go out, to be with other people, he went out alone only when it was necessary or with Aaron - to see a movie, to take a walk, to visit museums and interesting places. He stopped going to bars and clubs, he didnt visit a casino since Aaron moved in and he didnt drink that much and he needed to admit that he somehow feels better, both physically and emotionally and he liked it that way. Zak knew, that everything happened because Aaron has a new place in his life. He helped Zak to get better and Zak wanted to show him that he apprecaites it, so he came up with the idea of investigating the Enchanted Forest, an amusement park, where Aaron spent his childhood. It was a gift and Aaron knew that.  
When he and Zak were filming the intro for this episode, both of them were smiling and Aaron just couldnt take his eyes off Zak, because after a long time, Zak seemed to be in a good mood again and for this time it was real, not just faked in front of the cameras.

 _How I love to see him smile..._ thought Aaron, while watching Zak talking about the location.

Zak told him, that they have the whole park just for themselves and Aaron was like a little kid, he ran to the amusement park and Zak followed him, it was like the scene from the National Lampoons Vacation movie as the Griswolds arrived at Walley World.  
Aaron gave Zak a high five and then, not thinking about the cameras, he threw himself around Zaks neck. Zak pushed him away after a few seconds, but everyone who has got a pair of eyes could see that he did that just to make the scene funnier, because he laughed all the time, he wasnt mad at Aaron, he didnt yell at him, he clearly did that just because he isnt used to be hugged in front of cameras or other people, but in fact he didnt mind, he was actually glad that his idea of investigating the Enchanted Forest made Aaron so happy.  
They walked through the park, their eyes sparkling and Zak paid attention to everything Aaron talked about, he wanted to visit every single place Aaron wanted to show him. They even met Aarons sister Amy to talk with her about hers and Aarons exeriences in the park. After they talked to her and the cameras werent rolling, she pulled on Zaks sleeve and whispered:  
"Hey, you, you better gonna be good to him, or Im gonna kick your ass, you understand? I... I know that my brother is into you. He didnt say anything, but... I can see the way he is watching you, talking to you and I... I dont want him to get hurt... so please, at least... dont let him down. I dont know if you feel the same as my brother, but... dont let him down, Zak, please," and Zak was just frozen for the first few seconds, because he thought that no one knows whats going on between him and Aaron, but he promised her, that he is gonna behave nice to Aaron, because...

_I... like him too much to do something that would make him sad..._

The night after this investigation was the first night that Zak needed to spend alone after weeks, because Aaron went to visit his family. His sister wanted to introduce her new boyfriend to them and Aaron didnt want to miss that. Zak told him to go, to not worry about him and Aaron was nervous, because he didnt want to leave him alone, but Zak told him that he is gonna be fine, that its just for one night and this is an important thing and that he wants him to meet with his family, so Aaron went to see them in the end.

It was 3am, when Zak woke up from his sleep, because his phone was ringing. He fell asleep maybe a hour ago and he thought that maybe something happened with Aaron, but Aaron wrote him a message before he went to bed around 23pm, telling him, that everything is fine and that he misses Zak and cant wait to see him the next day.

_Maybe its Jay or Billy, maybe something paranormal happened to them at home and they dont know what to do..._

Zak checked his phone.

**Incoming call from**

**NICK**

"...yeah?"  
"Zak! Hey, hey... how... how are you?"  
"Um... good."  
"Good! Youre... good... thats... thats good."

Zak needed to check his phone again to see Nicks name on the display again to make sure that he is really talking with Nick.

_That Nick_

"Why are you calling me, Nick? To ask me how Im doing?"  
"I said that I will call you, so Im doing it."  
"No, Nick. You said that you _might_. And to tell the truth, I actually didnt expect you to call..."  
"You didnt?"  
"Kinda... I dont know, Nick."  
Zak sighed sadly.  
"Nick... What happened to us?"  
"Aaron happened."

Zak hung up the phone immediately. If this call should have been like any other conversation he and Nick had in the past few months, than he doesnt need to hear that shit all over again.

The phone started to ring for the second time. And then again. And again. Everytime Nick reached Zaks voicemail, he tried to call him again. It was so annoying, that Zak answered the phone in the end.

"What? What do you want from me?" shouted Zak.  
"A chance."  
"A chance?"  
"You promised to give me a chance, if I will come up with something that will prove to you that I care."  
"I told you, that you can try, but that Im not sure if it will work."  
"Come on, Zak, you dont wanna know what I came up with?"  
"For real? Well... Im afraid that its gonna be a new toy or something..."  
"A toy? Zak, what do you think of me? Its something better!"  
"Alright, what is it then?"  
"I know that you and the crew will be investigating the Washoe Club for the last time. And Im gonna be there."

Zak got up from his bed, turned on the light and walked around his bedroom like a lion in a cage, not being sure if he is awake or still asleep and none of this is real.

"Zak? Are you still there?"  
"Yes, Im just... surprised, you know... you... you really want to come with us to the Washoe Club?"  
"If you want me to..."

Zak thought about it for a second. He actually wasnt sure if he wants Nick to be there, but... Mark and Debbie were Nicks friends too. And thats what this investigation is about. To try to talk with Debbie and Mark, to make sure that they are ok, to get a real proof that afterlife isnt just a fairytale for those who fear death.

"Yeah, Nick, I think you should be there with us."  
"Really? Thats perfect, Im gonna..."  
"Wait, Nick... You can go with us, but first... I want to know why do you want to investigate the Washoe Club with us? Is it because of me?"  
"Of course, Zak. Its because of you, because I love you and I know how important is this investigation for you. And not only you, but also for Billy. Mark and Debbie were my friends too and this is a chance to talk with them. Zak, I thought about what you said, about the change, about being... _friends_ in public and I think this is a great opportunity to make it happen, to make it real. This case is bigger than us, its more important than me, you or our relationship. This is about the friends that we have lost. Its time to put aside our twitter fights and the fact that everyone thinks that we are no longer communicating. I want to be there because I feel it woul be the right thing to do. And not just because I love you and I wanna prove to you that Im willing to change and this is the first step I know that you want me to do, but because me, you, Billy and Aaron, we all were their friends, so it would be right to be ther, for all of us, together."  
"Yeah, thats true..." agreed Zak.  
"So? Where and when?"  
"On monday. Early in the morning. The crew meets at 6am."  
"Alright, Im gonna be at the airport at 6:30. Can you pick me up?"  
"Yes... Can I tell the guys that you are comming with us?"  
"Of course, Zak, if you want to."  
"And... the fans?"  
"Um... you know what? Lets make it a surprise for our fans! No one will expect that!"  
"Okay..."  
"Okay, so... Im really excited about it! And I can wait to see you... so... see you on monday!"  
"Yeah... on monday."  
"Great! Bye, pretty boy, I love you!"  
"Love you too, Nick. Bye."

_Love you too..._

Zak smiled a little when he ended the phone call.

_Maybe Nick really wants to change. And maybe... maybe he really loves me..._

\-------------

Zak convened an unexpected crew meeting. He was mysterious, he didnt tell a thing since he, Aaron, Billy and Jay were sitting at one table.

Aaron was nervous. He had a feeling that something big and bad is about to happen, but when Zak told the crew why he wanted to meet so quickly, he almost collapsed.

"Nick is coming with us to the Washoe Club."  
"Youre kidding," said Aaron, hoping that Zak is making a bad joke, but somewhere inside he knew that Zak wouldnt be joking about something like that.  
"No, Im not," mumbled Zak, while staring at the floor to avoid eye-contact with Aaron.

_And... I did it again. Im such an asshole. Im sorry, Aaron, Im so sorry, but I cant help myself... Im so sorry..._

"You told him that we are gonna film at the Washoe Club? You invited him?"  
"No, Aaron. He called me yesterday and said that he knows about this last investigation at the Washoe Club and that we want to talk with Debbie and Mark. He also told me, that he wants to be there, because Mark and Debbie were his friends too and it would be right for us all to investigate together.  
"So you didnt tell him?"  
"No."  
"Then who told him?"  
"I dont fucking know, Aaron," turned Zak to Aaron. "I dont know!"  
"Then why didnt you ask?"  
"He told me that he is gonna be there with m... with us! I didnt think about details! I was as surprised as you are now! I only asked him why he wants to be there."  
"And what did he say?"  
" _I already told you_! Its because of Mark and Debbie, because we all were their friends, because talking with them is more important than the fact that he is no longer a GAC member. Because he feels that this is the right thing to do!"

The room was silent for a few seconds, before Billy said:  
"Well, lets see what happens when Nick is gonna be there. I understand that you couldnt just tell him to fuck off, because its true that he was a friend with Debbie and Mark too, just like us, so he kinda has a right to be there, even if he... left quickly. What do you think, Aaron?"

Aaron felt like in a bad dream. Right, he said that if Zak chooses to be with Nick, he will respect that and he was prepared to do that, but... after Nick left weeks ago... he and Zak practically lived together. They didnt make love, but they shared everything else, one bed, one shower and Aaron felt that Zak did let him to be a part of his life in a way that he never did before and whats more important, Aaron was the only person in the universe, who could move into Zaks house, not just stay for the night and...

_...and that needs to fucking mean something. Zak is closer to me than ever and now Nick is gonna come and ruin everything..._

"Aaron? Are you ok?" asked Jay, when Aaron was just staring in front of himself without saying anything.

"What? Yeah... If he wants to come, Im ok with that."

\-----------

Although Aaron claimed o be ok with the fact that Nick is going to be investigating the Washoe Club with GAC, Zak knew that he isnt. It was already time to go to sleep and he didnt say a word since they returned home.

_Why cant Zak just tell me, that he already decided between me and Nick? Just one word and Im on my way home._

_Home._

_Is this our home at all? Am I here because Zak wants me to be here or because he is just scared to be lonely?_

Aaron took off his shirt and went to bed. Zak was already lying in the bed, his eyes closed.

_Why cant I let him go? I want Nick to be with me, so why cant I just tell Aaron to go home?_

_Home._

_Is this our home now? I told him to stay, but why? I cant imagine to be without him, so why am I still drawn to Nick? Tomorrow... is going to be a big day..._

 

"Goodnight, Zak," said Aaron and kissed Zak on his cheek before turning off the light.

Zak was lying in the dark for a while, eyes now wide open before he asked:  
"Are you mad at me?"  
"No. It was his idea."  
"But I didnt say no."  
"Billy is right. We cant just tell Nick to go to hell. He knew Debbie and Mark well. Its something different, something that touches us all, me, you, him, Billy... You cant expect me to throw myself around his neck and act like his friend, but Im going to respect the fact that he is there with us, as a paranormal investigator, as Marks and Debbies friend."  
"I dont know what to do..."  
"You dont need to do anything, Zak. Give Nick a camera and a digital recorder and thats all."  
"I know, I meant... what if..."  
"I will be there with you, Zak. Im not afraid to punch him right in the face in front of the whole crew and rolling camera if he is gonna behave like a dick to you, dont worry."  
"But what if... what if he wants to change? Because of me?"  
"Well... then everything will be fine. You will be happy. And thats what matters."  
"But..."  
"Shh, let it be. We need to get some sleep, this will be a difficult investigation. Tomorrow will tell."  
"Okay..."  
"Good night, babe."  
"Good night, Aaron."

\-------------

It was 6:23 am.  
Zak, Aaron, Billy and Jay were waiting at the airport.  
Zak and Aaron were standing in front of the car, close to each other and Aaron placed his hand on Zaks back to caress him, to calm him down a little, because Zak was clearly nervous, pale as death and trembling.  
Billy and Jay were standing behind the car, staring into the car trunk and pretending that they are talking about the gear. They were in fact silently speaking about the new situation. 

"Aaron must be completely devastated. Look, look at him, how much he tries to calm Zak down. I actually think that Aaron is the one who is near to having a heart attack, because Nick is coming with us. When Zak told us about Nick, I actually thought about calling an ambulance for Aaron, dude, he was completelly shocked. You could see his face lose all of its color, it was insane. If Nick really shows up, I can imagine Aaron to hold back for like... five minutes, before he snaps at Nick, because Nick isnt able to keep his mouth shut, so its just a matter of time before he says something that will make Aaron finally kick his ass," whispered Billy.  
"Yeah... if he really shows up," mumbled Jay.  
"You- you think Nick lied when he told Zak that he is coming with us?" Billy raised his eyebrows and almost dropped an audio recorder.  
"I dont know, man. I just... I feel... this wont end well."

Zak checked his watch.

**6:28**

_Just two minutes._

"Everythings gonna be alright, Zak, dont worry," said Aaron and smiled calmly, but Zak felt his hand shake.

_He is nervous as hell._

**6:29**

Zak took a deep breath.

The door opened and between a bunch of people was finally a guy in a familiar baseball cap.

_Oh God, Nick... he is here..._

Zak tensed up.

The guy went by him, not paying any attention to him and kissed a young girl.

_Thats not Nick._

**6:32**

Cold sweat was running down Zaks spine. Billy and Jay were now standing closer. No one said a word and the atmosphere was heavy. Aaron checked his phone.

**6:35**

"What if he is not gonna come?" worried Zak.  
"Try to call him," suggested Aaron.

Zak dialed Nicks number. The phone was ringing, but no one answered.  
Aaron raised his eyebrows as a silent question. Zak just shrugged his shoulders.

**6:41**

"Maybe his flight was late. He might still be on the plane," came Jay up with an explanation, when it looked like Zak is going to lose it in seconds.  
"Right?" smiled Jay encouragingly.

Zak just lowered his head and Aaron embraced him around the waist and pulled him closer, holding his right, trembling hand with his left, sweating hand. Zak could feel his legs getting strangely numb and weak and he was actually glad that Aaron is holding him, so he wasnt really paying attention to the fact that they look more like a couple, and not exatly like two straight friends, but for the first time he didnt care. He _didnt want_ to care about that at the moment. His whole world was on fire and this... being embraced by Aaron in front of people with cell phones and cameras was the last thing that bothered him. He leaned to Aarons shoulder with his head and closed his eyes.

"Yeah, Jay is right. Nick is probably gonna be just a few minutes late," said Billy, but his voice somehow lost its calm and optimistic sound.

_A few minutes late._

The crew was waiting and waiting, but Nick just didnt show up.

It was nearly 8am, when Zak completely broke down. In the past hour, he tried to call Nick like 20 times. He sent him 15 messages, 9 of them were worried, 5 of them were angry and the last one message was so long, that it was more like an essay, in which Zak was begging Nick to come, promising to do whatever Nick wants him to do, swearing that he will never misbehave again, but... he got no answer.

**8:03**

"Zak, we need to go, its time," said Billy when the crew couldnt wait any longer.

Zak was standing still for a few seconds, making silent deals in his mind, first with God and then with Devil, selling his soul to every demon and god or goddess he could think of, hypnotizing the door, but Nick didnt came through.  
Billy tugged on his sleeve.  
"Zak... come on, we need to go."

**8:06**

Zak sighed and followed his crew to the car. He turned around to the door for one more time, before he got into the car.

_He didnt show up._

_He lied._

_Again._

\---------

The Washoe Club.  
_The_ Washoe Club.

Those memories, oh, those...

_fucking memories. He should have been there. He promised to be there. He lied. And I believed him. Again. Why? Why is Nick still hurting me? How come that whenever Im convinced that he dissapeared from my life, he comes up with some new way to hurt me? And why I keep giving him the chances to hurt me over and over again?_

Zak was doing the intro. He needed to collect himself as much as he could to be able to even speak into the camera and yes, he made it, he successfully filmed the intro without breaking down in tears, which he was afraid of, but... 

The whole time he felt like he is short of breath, like as if there just wasnt enough air to breath and it cost him a lot of strenght to talk.  
Right as he said those first words, _This is a very... special episode, ladies and gentleman_ , he felt two giant hands squeeze his lungs.

The crew didnt visit this place for 9 years.

"A place that has left its mark on me... Both physically," Zak looked into the camera with his aching, tired, tearful eyes, "mentally, spiritually..."  
Zak made a little pause. Yes, he is talking about Mark and Debbie, because he is missing them. Yes, he is talking about this place, because a lot of paranormal things happened there and changed his life. And Nicks life. He and Nick... they were in this shit together, standing next to each other, hearing ghost calling them by names, but it couldnt break them, Zak was convinced that the spirits of Washoe Club cant hurt him, not with Nick by his side, not when they are together.  
But today... Nick isnt with him. 

_Who knows what can happen? Now, when he isnt there? What if some ghost finally decides to kill me? And wouldnt it be better that way? Life doesnt have a meaning when you dont have someone to live for... And it... it just hurts so much... its... I cant stand the pain..._

"And emotionally. We are returning to the Washoe Club, in Virginia City. This is the last time that we are ever coming back here. This is the Washoe Club..."  
Zaks clenched his fists, when he realized that _yes, this is it. This is the last time. Another thing that I had in common with Nick... is fading away_.  
"Final Chapter."

\----------

The interview was a little bit easier. For some reason, Zak felt better, when he was talking with Scott Burrell, the owner of Washoe Club, because he needed to focus on the investigation and it distracted him a little from thinking about Nick. But he needed to admit that this place really scares him. Yes, those ghost were one thing, and talking with Mark and Debbie will sure be extremelly affecting the whole crew emotionally, but what was the scariest part of it was the thought that Zak needs to deal with all of that alone, without Nick, without his strenght, without his sceptical thoughts, without his steady and calm voice.

Zak was setting up another interview with Carl, the tour guide, when he realized, that Aaron is missing. 

_Thats it, now Im gonna lose it completely,_ thought Zak, but Aaron wasnt that far away and Zak quickly noticed him standing a few meters down the street and nearly came running to him.

"Sorry, I just had like... I feel like I had to get off of the Washoe property..." laughed Aaron nervously.  
"Whats... what do you... whats wrong?"

Aaron decided to told Zak the truth. Since they got into the car at the airport, Aaron couldnt think about anything else than about finding Nick and telling him what he thinks of him. When Aaron saw Zak doing the intro, he needed to get out of the building to be alone for a while and breath some fresh air. Inside the Washoe Club it felt like the air is heavy and hard to breathe. He was mad at himself, because he felt that he should have done something way earlier to prevent this from happening, but... now it was too late.

"I just felt like... angry."

Zak turned away from Aaron.

_Great. Now the only person that really cared about me is angry at me. And I cant blame him. Its my fault that I didnt tell Nick to fuck off when he wanted to go to the Washoe Club with us._

"But not against anybody!" shouted Aaron. "Just more like... just frustration and... aaargh! Its like I just wanna punch the wall, Im mad at myself."

"Ok, come here, ok," jabbered Zak the whole time Aaron was talking, because he... he just didnt want to hear it. 

_Yes, I screwed up, I know that, but the whole world doesnt need to._

Zak told Jay and Dakota to stay at the Washoe Club and go inside with Carl, but after they got some new informations about the place, Zak wanted to immediatelly be there, so the whole crew went to the building, even if Zak didnt want to go inside until lockdown and everyone moved to the crypt to try to record some voices.

After hearing various sounds and feeling blasts of air, rocks were thrown at them. Everyone was completely excited, because...

_Oh my God, it works! Are we... communicating with Debbie and Mark?_

"I keep getting weird visions of..." and then Aaron felt something touch his head. It completely shocked him, because it felt unbelievably real in a physical way.

_Yes, they are here._

"Dude, its them..." Aaron had the same thought as Zak.

Zak looked down at Aaron and saw him crying all of a sudden. And then Zak felt it too. That wave of sadness. His eyes filled with tears and he just jumped down, went to Aaron and caressed him softly to calm him down, to show him that he is there, but that sadness, the feeling was just too heavy to bear and he couldnt stop himself from crying. He just kept standing in the crypt next to Aaron, tears streaming down their faces and they knew it, the whole crew knew it...  
Mark and Debbie...  
They are here.

And on top of that, Nick isnt here to witness whats happening, to feel what the crew is feeling, what _Zak_ is feeling.  
It made Zak cry even more. He wasnt used to cry in front of cameras, but this was a special moment. This time... it didnt matter. Mark and Debbie were his friends and Nick... he was... _I dont know what the hell he was, I just know that he didnt show up and left me in this shit alone..._

Zak decided to take a little break and review the audio. And they got a voice. It wasnt just the voice of some unknown person, yes, they captured a strange sound before the rocks were thrown, but what surprised them the most was a ladies voice asking "That one?"  
It was Debbie.  
There were no doubts about. There was no way to mistake her unique and well-known voice for something else.

\----------

It was the second day of the lockdown. Zak was in a better mood, he didnt talk that much and he didnt laugh at all, and the guys could tell that he isnt happy, but he was kind to the others and didnt yell at everybody like he used to do before. He decided to take a walk through the city and because he wanted the crew to have some fun before the lockdown, he asked if there is anything they would like to do. Aarons inner kid immediately showed up, when he shouted that he wants a caramel apple and even if Zak was a little suspicious about it, it turned out to be the best idea possible.  
They went to a local candy shop, Aaron got his caramel apple, Zak got some sugar-free chocolates and in the end Billy forced Zak to try to make some candies. Zak didnt want to, but the crew convinced him.  
Aaron needed to thank Billy for that idea. He was watching Zak working with the chocolate while he was eating his caramel apple and he was grateful for that smile that finally appeared on Zaks face for a moment.

But... that was the last bright moment in that day and night.

And when the sun went down, it all started. The final chapter. The last visit to a place, that had a lot to do with Zak, Nick and their common history.

The guys went into the building, trying to capture anything weird in a hope that Mark or Debbie will show up or communicating with them.

Zak felt sick for a while. He felt something affecting him so much, that he wasnt able to talk and then the sls-camera captured a figure, that was clearly in a shape of a woman, it was walking towards to the guys, shaking its hips in a very womanly way and on top of that, the crew received some amazing voices through the spirit box.

After exploring the building, Billy tried an experiment and used three types of recorders, each with different quality of recording.  
Billy wanted to talk with Mark and Debbie. He was overwhelmed with emotions, because he felt them being around him and he cried, he wanted to hear Debbie so, so much... and he did.  
One of the records really had a voice in it.  
Debbies voice.

Before the crew sat down to one table to listen to the records, Aaron and Zak were alone for a moment and heard a door slam, but it was nothing when they compared to what Billy recorder.  
And all of a sudden, the crew started to hear all kinds of noises from the building, so Aaron returned to the specific room from where the noises were coming from and tried the Ovilus device. The ghost clearly talked about a suicide that happened there and even mentioned the word "door", so maybe it was the spirit that slammed the door earlier.  
After Aaron came back, he did a paranormal puck 2 session in the crypt with Aaron, while Billy was in the ballroom. The device started to talking without Zak asking any question and the camera in the room where Billy was started to malfunction, so Aaron and Zak joined Billy to find out whats going on and when the three of them were walking through the house, someone threw a coin at them.  
It had the date 2015 on it.  
The year of Marks and Debbies death.

And the talking device Billy left in the ballroom suddenly said "communicate".

They guys went to check on it, talking about how shiny and new the coin that was thrown at them looks and the talking device said "fresh".

Zak asked to who was this message directed and the talking device said "you".

Zak asked who is this message from and the talking device said "us".

Mark and Debbie were talking with the guys. They were answering every single of Zaks questions. This was the proof the crew wanted. This was the proof that afterlife is real and they got this proof from Mark and Debbie, from their friends, there was no doubt about it.

\--------

The investigation was over and the evidence left everyone in shock. The crew was silently packing the gear, their minds full of thoughts. This investigation was tough, but they talked with Debbie and Mark and they have got the ultimate proof that afterlife is real and that the research the crew was doing over the years was worth the effort.

"Are you ok, Zak?" asked Aaron carefully, when he ended up alone in one room with Zak.  
"Im fine, Im just... Im sad that we wont see Mark and Debbie again. This was our goodbye, you know, tonight... we let them go. We talked to them for the last time."  
"I get it, but I dont think it was exactly a goodbye. We have got proof that somehow they still can hear us, see us and that gives us some hope for the future. If they can talk it means that their souls still exist and maybe, when our own time will come, we can meet them in afterlife. I believe its possible. And what happened tonight proves that Im right. We just need to wait a little before we will meet our friends again."

Zak nodded his head. 

_Aaron is right. Debbie and Mark are able to talk with us. That means their energy still lives on. And that means that one day we will be able to be with them again._

"Nick should have been here."  
"Im sorry about that, Zak," said Aaron. He didnt know what else to say. On one hand, he was happy that Nick didnt show up, but on the oher hand, seeing Zak being hurt again after a long time was breaking his heart.

"I dont know why he did that. He told me, that he wants to come with us, he convinced me to give him a chance, he told me that he cant wait, that he wants to prove that he loves me, but instead of that he just made me look like a complete asshole in front of the whole crew, in front of you. And he didnt give a shit, he didnt respond to my messages and calls. He promised to be here with me at the Washoe Club! And I told him to come with me! I wanted him to be here, I _needed_ him to be here! But he just didnt give a fuck, as always, he played me again, I dont know why he did that, if this should have been a bad joke, then... he should have stayed away, why, why is he still ruining my life like that? Do you think he enjoys that? I mean... hurting me? Is this funny for him or what? What does he want from me? Is he punishing me, because I told him that I need some space and time to think about us? I wasnt the first who left! He was the one who left the first! He left me!"

Zak bursted out crying.

"He fucking left me!"

Aaron embraced Zak and held him tight.

"Since he left four years ago, I... I have these frigging nightmares... I fall asleep and then... there are wolves, everywhere around me and they keep attacking me, biting me until I bleed out and when I think that Im going to die, I wake up, but before I wake up I can see Nick. He is the pack leader, he is the alpha, the one who is controling the wolves and its him who sent them to kill me... I know I fucked up when I told him that he can go with us. I know that I made a bad decision, I just... its like he has this power over me, its like a fucking spell, a curse and everytime he shows up or calls I cant resist the magic. Im so sorry, buddy, I dissapointed you again... and now... now you are going to leave me..."  
"Zak, Zak, look at me," whispered Aaron. "You did nothing wrong... Why do you still think that Im gonna leave you?"  
"Because Im a mess, because I fucked up, because... because when he called me and told me that he is going to investigate with us, I wanted him to come. I should have told him to go to hell, because you... because me and you, we are... but I didnt."  
"Zak... stop. Look at me and listen carefully - I will never leave you. Never. You have my word. No matter what happens, I will be by your side."  
Zak cuddled back to Aaron.  
"Only when you are next to me, Aaron, only when you are sleeping in one bed with me, holding me, thats the only time when I can sleep well. Those dreams about Nick and his pack of beasts... they are taking my energy from me. I know that I dont deserve it, I know that I dont deserve _you_ , but... please, tonight... I need you to be with me... Can you scare away the wolves?"  
"Im gonna fight them, dont worry, they are not gonna get you, not when Im around..."

The door creaked a little, but Zak didnt pay attention. This was a tough night and he needed to get through this hell without having Nick by his side, but now, in Aarons embrace, everything just magically started to fade away, the pain, the sorrow, the despair and when it all dissapeared, everything that was left was this warm sensation of Aarons arms protectively wrapped around Zaks body, and once again, Zak was amazed by how easy it is for him to relax and calm down under Aarons touch.

"Do you think that Nick... lied when he told me that he loves me? Because thats how it seems to be."  
"I dont know, Zak, I think that he loves you, he just... isnt that kind of guy thats gonna show you what he really feels inside."  
"Im tired, Aaron... Im sick of his... fake love. I just want to be with you and..."

This time the creaking door finally caught Zaks attention, but when he went to open it, nobody was there, the hallway was empty. Zak thought that maybe a ghost wants to play a little game and just smiled into the dark, saying "What? Do I not deserve to be happy?"

What he couldnt see was Billy, who ran away right when Zak turned to the door, because he didnt want to get caught sneaking around.

Zak returned back to Aaron, back into his arms and rested his head on Aarons shoulder.  
Meanwhile, Billy rushed to the nerve centre, his face all red from running, catching his breath and Jay breathed out in relief when Billy finally said "Ok... our honeybuns are now together and it seems... everything seems to be fine again."

\--------------

Two days after the lockdown at Washoe Club, Zak was sitting with Aaron in his living room, watching some movies. Zak was still in a bad mood and Aaron wanted to know if there is anything that he can do for Zak to help him feel better.  
"Actually... there is something that I would like to do..." blushed Zak. "But I dont know if you would want to..."  
"What is it?"  
"A band that I like is playing tonight in the town and I have two tickets... I dont feel like going alone, but Im afraid that the music isnt your kind of favorite..."  
"What band is it?"  
"Um... Chase Atlantic."  
"Well, I dont know about them or their music, but you want to go, so lets do it," smiled Aaron.  
"Really?"  
"Of course! You want to see the band and I want you to be happy, so if this will help you to get in a better mood, then lets go."  
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!!" Zak threw himself around Aarons neck and then jumped up from the couch.  
"The concert starts at 7pm, so we have three hours left. I need to find some clothes to wear... and I need to take a shower and..."  
"Then do it," said Aaron and smiled again.  
"Thanks buddy," Zak gave Aaron a little kiss and went to prepare himself for the night

\-----------------

Downtown Las Vegas Events Center was already full with people, when Aaron and Zak arrived. They needed to find a parking spot, because cars were like everywhere and Aaron parked Zaks car at a small parking lot, that didnt belong to the Center and it took them a few minutes to get to the entrance of the Center, but Zak didnt mind that. He was just happy that he is going to see a band he likes play live.  
Yeah, Chase Atlantic. Zak found about them a few months ago and he was surprised how much he likes their songs, because this band didnt exactly fit his taste in music. And maybe thats why he didnt tell anybody that he likes to just sit and listen to the band with eyes closed, because... because it didnt fit his public image. Like really... a grown up man listening to music that makes 16 years old fangirls scream?  
But at this moment, it didnt matter. Aaron may be surprised, but he needed to deal with things that were a lot weirder than strange taste in music, when it came to Zak. Zak saw his eyes get bigger, when Aaron found out that the Center is full with hundreds of sreaming young girls, but he didnt say a word about it. He actually smiled a little, when the concert begun and when the lights turned off, he was holding Zaks hand.

\-------------

**"...I'm up in the forest trying to kill demons  
Standing with a hand full of pills screaming**

**It's right now, right now  
I ain't got the time to fuck around now  
Everybody told me to settle down but  
It's right now, right now**

**It's right now, right now  
Only got one bullet make it count,  
I ain't got the time to fuck around  
It's right now, right now..."**

The place was dark and full of artificial fog and laser lights and nobody seemed to notice Zak or Aaron and recognize them.  
All of sudden, Zak brushed his whole body against Aarons, wrapping his arms around Aarons neck.  
"What are you doing?" Aaron was surprised.  
"Im misbehaving," smirked Zak and kissed Aaron without thinking about the people around them. Aaron froze for a second and it took him a while before he awkwardly grabbed Zak by his hips like a nervous teenage boy on his first date. Zak nuzzled to his neck.  
"Lets get out," whispered Zak.  
" _But what about the cocert?"_ wanted Aaron to ask, but he didnt get a chance. Zak grabbed his right arm and dragged him out.  
Zak didnt say a word as they walked to the parking lot and once they were there, Zak pushed Aaron against the car and pressed his lips on Aarons. The music from the concert was so loud that Aaron could still clearly hear the lyrics of the song they were playing at the moment.

**Lay your body on the floor baby  
I love it when you're breathin'  
And I've been drinking so much more lately  
But that's just how I'm feeling  
If you don't wanna break his heart  
Where the fuck is he then?  
See I just wanna waste a little time with ya...**

"Zak," breathed Aaron out, "someone could be watching us."  
"I dont care," said Zak and attacked Aarons lips with a fiery hunger.  
"Really?" worried Aaron.  
Zak just shrugged his shoulders, opened the car and lowered the back seats so now they were flat like a makeshift bed. Then he just shoved Aaron into the car, making him lay down on his back and crawled on top of him.  
He unzziped Aarons pants, taking out his cock and pumping the fist up and down fast. After a while he decided to lick on Aarons cock, making him moan Zaks name like a filthy mantra. 

"I want you to fuck me in the car."  
"What?" Aaron jumped up and almost hit his head. He couldnt believe his ears. For a long time, Zak was afraid to go wild and Aaron didnt force him to make love, because he didnt want it to end like the last time.  
"Here? In the car? In the parking lot? Zak... Someone can hear... Someone could see..."  
"They can hear what?" asked Zak and licked the full lenght of Aarons cock, looking in his eyes while doing that and his stare was so filthy, that Aaron needed to close his eyes and open them again to make sure that he isnt dreaming.

**Flood it like a tidal wave  
See I'm just tryna misbehave  
I know it's hard when you know you're no better  
Just open up let your body talk for ya like o-o-o-oh  
Flood it like a tidal wave...**

"Do you think they will hear me begging for your cock? Because I cant get enough of how good you taste on my tongue."  
Zak licked the top of Aarons cock, drawing wet circles with the tip of his tongue.  
"Zak..."  
"And what can they possibly see? What about me, riding on your cock and then sucking on it until I get the last drop of cum out of you? Because thats what Im about to do..."

**Passion dripping off the wall baby  
Damn you make it easy...**

**Don't you think about turning the lights out  
I want them to see this  
And I say fuck the rules and let them find out  
But that's just how I'm feeling...**

"But we... we dont have any..."  
"I think I will find something."  
Zak crawled between the seats to the front and took a little bottle of lube out of the glovebox.  
"You were prepared for that?" raised Aaron his eyebrows.  
"No... But _a habit is_... um... nevermind."

_... a habit._

_Fuck that_ , thought Aaron, when he realized why is Zak always armed with lube wherever he is. Nick taught him to. But now... Nick isnt here. Its Aaron, who is now a moaning mess under Zaks hands. 

**Throw another stone at a glass house  
He might kick my ass if he finds out  
I don't wanna share it's a damn shame  
I still play it fair don't drop no names...**

He didnt have time to think about things like that anyway, because Zak got already rid of his pants, sitting in Aarons lap, pushing himself down on Aarons cock, his eyes half closed, but still watching Aaron shiver and moan in pleassure.

Aaron knew that anyone, who would walk through the parking lot will have no doubts about whats going on in Zaks car, but Zak apparently didnt care at all, as he held Aaron down, scratching on his neck and shoulders with his nails everytime he felt completelly and _so amazingly_ filled with Aarons cock, and he continued moving, up and down, in a slow rhythm, his lips trembling and Aaron couldnt get enough of the soft skin of Zaks chest under his fingertips and he was amazed of how those muscles tense under his touch.

**Flood it, let the water hit the floor, run it  
Open up your soul a little more, flood it  
Ride that fucking wave into the shore, ride it  
The beach is like a meter from the bed, slide in...**

"Zak... Im... Im close..."  
"Do you want me to suck you?"  
"I... no, let me... your body feels like heaven..."  
Zak understood.  
"Do it. Cum inside me," Zaks eyes sparkled like fireworks.  
"Lie down on me," whispered Aaron and Zak lay down, chest to chest, forehead to forehead, lips to lips and Aaron grabbed Zaks asscheeks to hold him still, so he can fuck him even deeper and he started to move his hips up and down, thrusting into Zak like a beast that has freed itself from chains, hitting Zaks prostate repeatedly, making Zak scream filthy things out loud as Aaron came inside him, letting go of his ass with his right hand and somehow got the hand between their bodies, rubbing Zaks cock, still fucking Zak hard, his cock twitching from orgasm, and Zak came after after a few seconds, clenching around Aaron, making him feel the orgasm even more and Aaron could feel his fingers, toes and lips getting numb because of the lack of air, but he didnt care, he would rather die from suffocation than stop moving his hips until he felt the climax fade away.

Zak wasnt moving, he was breathing heavily next to Aarons ear, trying to say something, but it took a few minutes until he finally catched his breath and was able to talk.

"What did you say back then?"  
"Like when?"  
"When I asked you if you want me to... suck you?" Zak gave Aaron a naughty smile.  
"Oh... I said that your body feels like heaven," purred Aaron and ran his hands over Zaks ass and back to his shoulder, pulling him closer for a kiss.  
"Does it?" blushed Zak.  
"How come that you are so beautiful?" wondered Aaron, basking himself in the sight of Zaks godly sculpted body, glistening with sweat in the dim light of street lights.  
"You didnt answer."  
Aaron looked Zak straight in the eyes.  
"Yes, Zak, your body feels like heaven. _You_ feel like heaven, babe."  
"Thanks... boo..." smiled Zak shyly.  
"Boo? Is that my new nickname?" laughed Aaron.  
"Come on, Im not good at giving sweet nicknames."  
"Its cute, I like it," smiled Aaron happily. "So... do you feel better?"  
"Im feeling amazing, boo," whispered Zak and kissed Aaron. "Thank you."  
"For what?"  
"For making me feel this way... For loving me the way you do."

**O-o-o-oh  
Flood it like a tidal wave  
O-o-o-oh  
See I'm just tryna misbehave  
I know it's hard when you know you're no better  
Just open up let your body talk for ya like  
O-o-o-oh  
Flood it like a tidal wave...**


	6. Nobody - Ruins - Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii guys! This is the last Chapter of this fanfic, so you will finally find out how it will end :-)
> 
> I was writing this under some pressure, so please forgive me for any mistakes <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give this last chapter as a christmas gift for all my Nakettes, Jane, Tessie, Denise and the whole NAK family. I love you so much guys, Im still thinking about you all the time and your comments give me a lot of strenght to go on. Im very sorry for not being in touch, but I finally got a job. Its tough, Im very tired, this chronic fatigue syndrom is still eating me alive, but Im fighting and working hard, because I cant be just at home, watching my amazing husband go to work and return tired as hell, so I just did it to help him, to help us to get in a better financial situation and live a better life, but it also means that Im giving all of my energy into work and when I come home, Im just lying in the bed, recovering for the next day. I actually wanted to write a new Christmas fanfic with a sugar daddy theme, but I started to write it and 2 days after I got the job, so I had actually ZERO time to write a whole new fanfic and my laptop collapsed in November, so I have NO GAC MATERIAL, I could save just some little things, because I saw it coming, so I saved a WIP of this chapter and the vids I made for it together with some of my poems and WIP of my second Vampire themed book to my moms PC. BUT! I thought that it would be actually nice to upload the last chapter of this FF on Christmas, because the first one was uploaded on Christmas in the last year, so I thought that it would be a fine way to end the circle, so I wrote the missing parts when I had my lunch break at job or early in the moring, before I headed out to work, or in the evenings, when I had a few minutes before going to sleep.  
> I was soooo devastated when I was writing this... NAK is my OTP and I... well, if you want to know how I feel, read the fanfic and then read the note on the end. :-)  
> Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for your support!!!

After a long time, it was actually the first chance for Zak to spend a little more time alone and think, think about him and Nick, about Aaron, about everything that changed and about everything that remained the same.

Aaron went to a trip to Miami with a few of his friends, where he was selling his Big Steppin stuff in a charity auction to raise money for children, who were left alone. Zak was sitting in his museum, doing research for some of the newest items he bought to add them to his museum collection, but he just couldnt focuse on his work.  
The only thing he could think about was Aaron and everything they experienced together, about all of the fun they had and about the scary times they were going through.

Zak smiled, when he thought about the time when the crew went to San Francisco and they borrowed those little cars and drove through the city, while Bacon and Billy had their own cars and Zak with Aaron were in one car together. They definitely looked like a couple, with Billy and Bacon being a third weel. They had so much fun together and Zak didnt need to think about Nick the whole day.

But Zak also had another memories. When the crew went to Ireland, Zak knew that Nick is about to leave, because Nick told him about his decision before they started to investigate. Zak was so angry at Nick, so he rather went to investigate the Hellfire caves with Aaron, because he just couldnt handle being with Nick and looking at him, knowing he will be gone soon. And Aaron... he tried his best to protect Zak. He tried to prevent him from going into one of the caves, he tried to stop him, to protect him, because he somehow knew that there is something evil, thats gonna try to hurt him and in the end Aaron was touched by something, that he described as the devil and Zak knew that it is his fault, maybe if he would listen to Aaron, maybe if he wouldnt enter the cave, nothing would have happened and he just pushed Aaron into the car and drove away with him, thinking that he wouldnt forgive himself, if Aaron would get hurt instead of him.

Oh, and Romania... Zak spent some time with Nick at the hotel room, but he spent even more time with Aaron outside, walking through the streets, sightseeing. He would like to visit all of the castles and graveyards with Nick, but Nick didnt want to, he was rather lying in bed and sleeping between investigations and Zak didnt blame him, although he was feeling sad because of that. Aaron noticed that and even if he was also tired, he always got up and accompanied Zak, because he know how bad Zak wants to see all of the places conected with Vlad Tepes.

And one of the newest memories, the famous Zaaron hug in the Enchanted forest episode, how the fans call it. Zak was surprised with himself, because he pushed Aaron away, but he actually didnt mind Aaron embracing him in front of the cameras and he knew that this scene will make it to the episode, but... he just didnt give a damn about it.

_No, I didnt mind that... I didnt care about the fact that thousands of people will see Aaron hug me... Yes, I pushed him away in the end, but... maybe I did it just because of this... habbit. Like... that Im just not used to be embraced by someone in front of others. But... I really didnt mind._

Or that moment, when Zak was playing some slow rock ballads in the tour bus, when Aaron asked what he is listening to. 

It was the song "Flame" from Cheap Trick.

Zak felt like singing a little bit of this song to Aaron, but he couldnt remember the lyrics and messed them up and Aaron laughed behind the camera and blew Zak a kiss, because even if he asked what Zak is listening to, he knew it damn well and also knew whats in the lyrics.

**Watching shadows move across the wall  
I feel so frightened  
I wanna run to you, I wanna call  
But I've been hit by lightning  
Just can't stand up for fallin' apart  
Can't see through this veil across my heart, over you  
You'll always be the one  
You were the first, you'll be the last...**

Zak breathed out loudly, completely caught in his thoughts, being surprised that there are a lot of moments, when Aaron was actually closer to him than Nick. Yes, when it came to Nick, there was always this hunger, the need to touch Nick and when no one was around, Nick liked to be touched and kissed and... but everything that happened was always just on a physical level. Zak thought its love, but Nick wasnt obviously that much into it. When everything was fine, Nick was smiling and joking, but when Zak wasnt in a good mood, Nick didnt want to talk with him. Actually... at the beginning of their careers and their relationship, Nick was different, he talked with Zak when Zak wasnt feeling ok, but as the time flew, he changed. He once told Zak that he doesnt want to listen to him complaining all day long and Zak felt like a pain in the ass for having his mood swings, which he didnt know how to control. He was always emotional, he just didnt want to admit it, so he acted like a macho, but with Nick, he thought he can be himself, and he thought that being himself means, that he doesnt need to pretend that he is happy, when he isnt.  
But Nick didnt want to hear about Zaks inner problems. He knew that the only thing that bothers Zak is the fact that he started to spend less time with him and he just didnt want to talk about it.  
Since that moment, their meetings became almost identical.  
A hook-up, a quickie in a hotel room after the lock down or at Zaks house when Nick found some time to visit Zak betwen the investigations.  
And nothing more.

But Aaron... even if the past, when Aaron was "just" a friend in Zaks eyes, he always tried to be there for Zak. He could somehow sense that Zak isnt in a good mood... well, _sometimes_ it wasnt that hard to see, because when Zak was feeling stressed, any little thing could make him angry and he didnt hesitate to yell and curse, but when Zak was sad, he was holding it inside, he didnt want anyone to know that he is depressed, because mostly it was because of something that happened between him and Nick, so he couldnt in fact talk about it with someone without revealing their common secret.  
But even if Zak tried to hide it as much as he could, Aaron always somehow knew, that Zak isnt feeling well.

All those _stupid_ vlogs and vines Aaron was filming, all that stuff he was doing, those dances and faces and voices, and he did it all just to make Zak smile. Zak was usually just shaking his head when Aaron was filming himself making weird noises or when he was trying to twerk and dance to techno music, but Zak caught himself watching those vids often, when he was sitting alone in the hotel room, laughing and yes, in the end, those vids made him feel better.

One day, when Zak was feeling down, Aaron took him out shopping and he bought some ghost-shaped stickers for Zak. Stickers, such a childish thing, but they brightened Zaks day. He shared the love for Halloween and ghost themed things with Aaron for a longer time and Zak collected scary stuff, not just objects for his museum, but also home decorations and October was his favorite time, when it came to shopping for households objects. Aaron knew it well and he went shopping for unique Halloween stuff and decor in October and then gave Zak what he bought as christmas presents and birthday gifts, he even painted a picture for Zak and made a statue for him, but those stickers... it was a sunny summer day, Zak was missing Nick and he had a headache because the weather was really hot on that day. Zak wasnt paying attention to Aaron that much, he was lost in his thoughts and he was just wandering through the store and Aaron saw that Zaks mood is getting worse, so he digged through lots and lots of summer holiday themed stickers to find halloween themed ones. He did that just because he knew how much Zak loves halloween stuff and he wanted to cheer him up. And, luckily, it worked.

And that time, when Travel Channel was filming those "A day with..." vids. Zak, Aaron, Nick, all of them had their own little video about what they like to do and how their days look like... Zak wanted Nick and Aaron to appear in his video, because thats what he liked to do, meet with the guys, talk about spirits and haunted locations, but Aaron came alone in the end, because Nick was filming scenes with his wife and daughter. Zak wasnt mad at Nick, he was just a little bit disappointed, because he thought that it will be a matter of course for all three of them to appear in each others vid and Zak was there, when Travel Channel filmed Aarons day, he watched the trailer to Space Detective, a film that Aaron and his friends made together with Bacon and other guys, but Nick decided to film his little "how-my-day-looks-like" vid without Zak and Aaron and he even didnt show up when Travel Channel was filming their days.

And when the crew was doing a facebook live vid in 2016? Zak was talking about Ghost Adventures and the investigations and then he decided to show the fans how the GAC bus looks like, with Aaron as a host of this tour. When they came to Zaks "bedroom", Aaron was hiding something under the bed, which turned out to be an unicorn pillow. But there was a little specific moment, that caught Zaks attention way later, when he was rewatching this vid on youtube lately. Billy asked Aaron, if he is wearing big stepping underwear. Zak was searching for that unicorn pillow under his bed, so he couldnt see Aaron, but when Billy gave Aaron that fan question, for some reason Aaron turned his stare to the left and it almost looked like he is checking out Zaks ass, before saying "Im not wearing any underwear" with a... _lecherous smile_ , thats the only way Zak could describe Aarons smirk. 

_Was he... interested in me back then? How long was he secretly admiring me from afar and why didnt I see it? Yes, he never said anything, but... now when I think about it, it seems to be clear as day. He... liked me for a longer time. He even liked me before I tried to make Nick jealous. Was I blind? Was I too caught in whatever I shared with Nick that I didnt see Aaron being into me?_

Aaron told him, when they were awake the night before investigating the Hotel Leger, that he kinda felt weird about his feelings for Zak for a long time, but he wasnt sure what to do, he thought that he feels so good with Zak just because they are friends for years and its normal to love to spend time with your buddy, but somehow... when he felt like missing Zak whenever he wasnt around... he thought that he likes girls, he never doubted that, he had relationships with women, but in fact... Zak was always the first, Zak was always the _one_ and even if Aaron didnt know why he tries so hard to keep Zak safe and happy, when they were in Romania, far from everything, far from "real life", a little tiny detail changed. Aaron admitted that he maybe feels something else when it comes to Zak, that he might see him as more as just a friend, but he also immideately waved his hand, thinking that it cant be true, that his emotions are probably just being crazy because it was a stressful time and, well, its normal that you start to feel... _a little bit of different emotions_ when you spend nearly every time with someone, you just feel them being closer and closer to you and Zak was like Aarons brother, so Aaron pushed these thoughts away from his mind, but... he knew, that the way he sees Zak changed and when Zak came and started to act like he is into Aaron, everything that Aaron buried inside and tried to hide just came to life.

Oh, when Zak and Aaron were making another facebook live vid and talking about Stardust Ranch and aliens, they had so much fun! After a long time, Zak laughed so much that he couldnt almost catch his breath. He and Aaron tried to set up the lights, but Zaks house was always a dark place without bright lamps, so they used a little led-light ring as a makeshift lamp and Zak, even if he wasnt in a great mood that night, those jokes Aaron made... the fun they had while doing this vid... Zak had a nice evening in the end, Aaron stayed at his house till morning and they had a dinner together, they were playing video games, eating, watching comedies...

Zak needed to smile, when he thought about that night.

Aaron was able to turn every single second of sadness into moments full of laughter and whenever he was around, Zak had the opportunity to be carefree, to not think about Nick for a while and that was exactly what he needed, because sometimes he felt like he is gonna drown in the sorrow. And then... Aaron always came and made him laugh. It was easier to deal with the fact that Nick is gone, because Aaron was still there and tried to help Zak get over it, even if he didnt know why is Zak so upset about Nick leaving the crew. Aaron always thought that Zak and Nick are just good friends, yes, sometimes he doubted their sexual orientations, but... Nick was married and Zak acted like a womanizer, so he never really saw them as more as two friends, even if there were some hints that its more complicated between Zak and Nick. Anyway, Aaron just knew that Zak is getting through a lot after Nick left and that he isnt happy, so he tried his best to cheer him up.  
Every single day.  
Every single moment.  
Always.

When it came to sex, it was the only thing that Zak couldnt decide who "does it better". Nick was agressive, it was more important for him to get what he wants than to satisfy Zak needs, but still it was hot, Zak loved it, because Nick was the leader and Zak enjoyed it, for a little while he didnt need to be the one who tells the others what to do and there was some sort of freedom in being submissive, so Zak didnt mind to obey when Nick wanted to try something new in bed, but... as the time flew, Zak started to think about his relationship with Nick in other ways, because everything was perfect in bed, but when they werent in the bedroom, everything was so complicated and Zak watched Nick getting colder and detached, everything was slowly fading away and later, Zak wasnt that hungry for Nicks body, he wanted to feel that he is loved, maybe even adored, but Nick never did anything to make him feel that way.

But Aaron... he and Zak made love just for a few times, so Zak couldnt really tell if how Aaron is behaving in bed is his... _true form_ , but he knew that every time Aaron touches him - not only in bed, but in usual situations - it makes him feel fine, when Aaron was near, when their naked bodies brushed, it was something different than with Nick, Aaron wanted Zak to feel comfortable and paid attention to Zaks body language, he asked Zak how it feels, if it doesnt feel bad or painful, he gave Zak time, he didnt hurry... he just wanted Zak to enjoy it as much as he does.

And that was the biggest difference between Nick and Aaron. Nick wanted to have a good time and what Zak wanted or felt didnt matter to him. But for Aaron, the way that Zak feels is the thing that matters the most.

And Zak knew that. Damn, he didnt knew that, he was _sure about that_. Nick may claim that he loves Zak, but even if he does... he for sure doesnt love Zak in the way that Aaron does. Nick was always setting the rules, he wanted Zak to behave the way he told him to and he was always angry when Zak made a mistake. Aaron is different. He loves Zak, even if Zak is making mistakes, because he knows that Zak is just a human. He loves him unconditionally.

_Nobody loves me like he does... And nobody ever did. Ever._

Zak had like thousands of reasons to be with Aaron, to leave the past behind, he knew that now he has the chance to be himself and still be loved by an amazing person who is willing to give the world to him right as Zak asks for it and Zak wanted it, Zak wanted to be with Aaron, to let Nick go, to get over him and live his life to the fullest with someone who really cares about him, but the thought of being without Nick, like... officially, to tell him that he wants to break up, he just couldnt stand that. For some unexplained reason, Zak knew he isnt able to let Nick go, even if he needs to, even if he _wants to_ and it was scaring him to death, because he assumed that even if Aaron told him that he will love him to the end of times, there sure has to be a breaking point, a moment when its gonna be enough for Aaron, a time when he will get sick of trying to win Zaks heart, because he wont see any progress and then... he sure will leave Zak for someone, who will appreciate what Aaron is doing more than Zak currently does.

Zak got chills all over his body. 

_Being without Nick is one thing, Im used to it. I do not own him, he has a family. Im sad and desperate, because he is not there with me, but... thats just how it is. But if Aaron leaves me... I cant imagine that. I dont know what I would do. Being dead seems more ok than being without Aaron... But I dont know if I can give him what he needs, I dont know if I can be the one for him, because Nick... he still owns my heart and Im afraid that there is no way to change that..._

"Fuck that," cursed Zak out loud. He just couldnt decide who is better. Well, he knew that Aaron is better...

_I know that. Sometimes I even think that I... Maybe that I... Fuck, that doesnt matter. All I know is that he is better for me than Nick. My mind knows that. But what about my heart? Does my heart know that Aaron would keep us, me and my heart, whole? If it does, why is it still forcing me to drop everything and run to Nick, into his arms, into his poisonous embrace and let him to break my heart and set my world on fire again?_

\-------------

Nick was sitting outside the house in his garden, watching his two daughters play with invisible fairies and hosting a party with fake cake slices and empty teacups for them.

Just a few days ago, he was ready to give his life up completely. He promised Zak to investigate the Washoe Club and he was ready to go, bags packed, the flight booked and he was sure that his family is sleeping, when he wanted to sneak out of the house and drive to the airport, because it was almost 11pm, but when he wanted to open the door of his workroom, the lights turned on and his wife was standing in the hall.  
"Veronique! You are awake!"  
"I am. And you... what are you doing? Why do you have these bags? Where are you going in the middle of the night?"  
Nick held his breath. Fuck, he didnt think about what he should tell his wife. He just wanted to sneak out without getting caught and be with Zak and he completely forgot that his wife is gonna find out that he was investigating the Washoe Club with GAC, because its gonna be on TV. Nick punched himself in his mind. Well, one way or another, he needs to tell her the truth.

"Im... Guys from the crew... they... they are investigating at the Washoe Club tommorow and I... I told them that Im gonna be there to help them."

Ok, that wasnt exactly _the truth_ , but... at least it wasnt a lie.

"The crew," hissed Veronique. "Ghost Adventures crew."  
"Yeah," Nick gave her a quilty smile. "Are you ok with that?"  
Veronique didnt say a word, she was just standing there, silently judging Nick and his body talk with her eyes.  
"I can stay at home, if you dont want me to go."  
Veroniques lips changed into a thin line and her eyes were dark and filled with something that Nick was sure he saw in her eyes before, but he couldnt remember when.   
"Nick... I thought we talked about that. I thought that you will be home more often, because when you were a part of the GAC... these guys are insane, they know nothing but ghost hunting, they have no lives, just... lockdowns, their lives _are_ endless lockdowns and I wanted you to be with me and our family..."  
Nick embraced his wife quickly and felt her shiver.  
"I love you, Nick and I dont want to tell you what you can or cant do, I just want you to be with us more often... It was ok for a while, but now you are sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, you are taking flights to the other side of the whole country to spend days somewhere with someone who isnt me."

Nick took a step back and looked at his wife.

_No, she is not the person I love. Its Zak. Im in love with Zak. And I want to be with him. Maybe I should tell her. I think she already knows. Maybe its time to stop lying to her and tell her the truth for once. I need to tell her that I love Zak and that Im sorry that I lied to her the whole time of our marriage._

"Im gonna stay at home," said Nick instead and left her wife cuddle back to him. His hands were heavy like two massive blocks of rock, but he forced himself to wrap them around her body and pull her close.  
"Thank you," whispered Veronique and kissed Nick on his trembling lips.  
"I will be waiting for you in the bed," winked Veronique happily and went back to the bedroom.  
Nick tried to hold back the tears. 

_Fuck it, I cant, I just cant tell her the truth, Im a coward and I just... I cant leave my family and if I would tell her the truth, my life as I know it would be gone..._

"Daddy?"  
A silent voice woke Nick from his thoughts.  
"Yes, sweetheart?"  
"Are you sad?" asked his older daughter, Annabelle and looked at him with her big, innocent eyes.  
"No, Im okay, why do you think that Im sad?"  
"Because you are crying," Annabelle pointed her little finger at Nicks face. "Is it because I didnt clean my room today?" worried she.  
"No, sweetie, its not because of that."  
"Is it because mommy didnt bake a cake today?"  
"Sweetie, Im fine, you did nothing wrong, your mom did nothing wrong and Im not crying."

Annabelle looked at her father, as he was wiping his cheeks with his sleeves.

"Is is because you miss uncle Zak?"  
"Who?!"  
Nick almost choke on air.  
"Uncle Zak. He didnt visit us for a long time."  
"You- you remember... Zak?"  
"He gave me a plushie. A pink bat. I like it. Will uncle Zak visit us again?"  
"Um... well... Zak... _uncle_ Zak... I dont know if he will ever visit us again..."  
"Why? He doesnt like me? Or you? Thats why he doesnt want to see us?"  
"Im sure that he loves us both," smiled Nick and caressed his daughters hair, trying to stay as calm as he was able at that moment, but he couldnt stop his voice from shaking, when he said: "He just has a lot of work to do, you know? He is very busy."  
Annabelle knitted her eyebrows, as she was trying to understand what her father is telling her.  
"Mommy said that if you like someone, you will always find some time to be with them."  
"Mommy is right," sighed Nick.

_Yes, if you love someone, you should spend time with the person. But I cant. I just cant set my whole world on fire and leave my family because of Zak. I want to. But I cant. I cant._

"Then why didnt uncle Zak visit me on my birthday? I was so sad because he wasnt there... Did he forget about me?"  
"No, sweetheart, he didnt, but... he is... when you were younger, I spent a lot more time with uncle Zak than I do now and it makes me sad too that he doesnt visit us that much, but he really has a lot of work and so do I, when you grow up, its much harder to find time for visiting friends because you need to do a lot of things. Zak has now a different life and I... Im..."

_Im not doing enough. For Zak. For my family. Im trying to live my life on two different levels simultaneously and thats not fair. How can I even look in the eyes of my wife, of my children? I betrayed them, I betrayed my family. And what about Zak? How can I even ask him to give me a chance when Im not able to take it?_

"Im gonna try and call him, tell him that we would like to meet him again, ok?" smiled Nick, knowing that he is lying to his daughter and whatever he is gonna promise her wont happen, but he just couldnt tell her that maybe she wont be able to see _uncle Zak_ for the rest of her life in other way than just on TV.  
She just nodded happily, giving Nick one of her cute smiles that melted his heart.

_I lied to her just right now. I lied to her in the same way that Im lying to everyone around me. Im lying my wife, when Im telling her that I will be more at home, Im lying Zak when Im telling him that I will visit him more often... Im nothing but a liar..._

Nick needed to go out for a while, to go somewhere where he can be alone just with his painful thoughts, so he carressed his daughters cheek, asked her to _tell mommy that daddy is going to be back home soon and wont miss the dinner time_ and left his house, heading to an abandonded hospital.

He always loved old, scary hospitals because of their atmosphere. It was calming him down and he hoped that this time it will work too, because he wanted to come up with an idea of how to solve his problem.

Nick tried to focus on important things, he tried to come up with an idea of how to make this all work, how to do it so he can stay both with his family and Zak, but he always came to the same conclusion.

Its impossible. Its hopeless. _He_ is hopeless.

_Theres no fucking way out. I cant have both, but... Who is more important for me? Whom do I love the most?_

Nick just couldnt decide. He didnt think about his wife, but about his children. Sure, he loves them the most, but Zak...

_He is... he means so much to me... And I love him, I fucking love him with all my heart, with my whole soul..._

Nick was helpless.

_Im so selfish... Maybe it would be better to not think about what I want, but about what my beloved ones really want and need..._

Nick closed his eyes. He imagined Veronique, his wife, on their wedding day. She was beautiful in her white dress and at that time Nick couldnt just tell her that he changed his mind about this whole marriage-thing. He didnt in fact think about it that much back then, Zak was just his wedding DJ, a nice and interesting person, nothing more, but as the time flew...

Nick blamed himself for not telling his wife earlier, in times when it would be a lot easier to break up and divorce. Now... its too complicated. Its too painful...

_Its too late..._

And Zak...

Zaks image crept inside Nicks mind.

_Him. Naked. Sweating. Blushing. Moaning. Screaming. Begging. Smiling... And then begging again. Crying. No... I just cant stand to see him cry anymore. Its because of me. Its all my fault. He is so precious for me and I... Im still hurting him. He is the best person I have ever met. The only person I have ever loved for real and Im.... Im treating him like shit. Its not my fault that I need him, that I want him only for myself! Or is it? Maybe I should have stopped it all in the beginning, maybe even before it all happened, before it became real, but how was I supposed to do it when Zak... when I fell for him? No... falling for Zal isnt my fault, wanting him, needing him, thats not my fault either, but what is my fault is that I never asked him if he wants to be only mine. I know that he would say that he does, but... is it really the best for him? Im just taking all of the chances to live a good life from him, without asking if he doesnt want something else than I do, Im forcing him to do things that he clearly doesnt want to do, but Im so blinded with lust everytime Im with him... And I need to be with him. I would be nothing without Zak. Yeah, thats true, but the real question is - would he be nothing without me too? Or would he be better off without me? Gosh, I dont know. I love him. And Zak loves me. But what about Aaron? I know that he cares for Zak, he always did, its just that none of us, and maybe even Aaron, noticed that his feelings are deeper than just those feeling we have for a friend. And now... whats better? Not for me, but for Zak? Whats the best for him? I need to see him, to ask him if he still... I need to see him standing right in front of me and tell him... I need to know... No, I need **him** to know that..._

Nick opened his eyes.

_I need to finally figure this out. Forever._

\-----------

Nick returned home and on the driveway, he met Billy.

"Billy! What... what are you doing here? Zak sent you? No, Aaron did!"  
Nick reached out for Billy and grabbed his arms, shaking with him.  
"What? Nobody sent me! Im in town because I was doing some research for Ghost Adventures and I just thought that I could visit you! What the hell are you talking about, bro?"

Nick left go of his grap.

"Im... Im sorry, Im not feeling good lately..."  
"Its ok, Nick, I understand."

Nick looked quickly at Billy.

"What do you mean?"

Billy: "What do you mean by _what do you mean_? I just said that I understand that you are not feeling well, because, if you want me to tell you the truth... you look tired, like... a lot... Too much work, huh? This never ending ghost hunt... it takes energy, I know."  
"Come in, lets have a coffee," sighed Nick. He wanted to pack his bag and catch the plane to be by Zak as soon as possible, he didnt want to talk to Billy about his problems, because he wasnt actually that tired, more like miserable and he wasnt exactly in the mood to explain him why he feels like that, but he also knew it would be rude to tell Billy to go away.

\--------------

"So? How are you?" asked Nick and placed a cup of coffee in front of Billy, who took it, but placed it back awkwardly, when he realized that the coffee is still too hot to drink.

"Im fine, its tough, but okay. And you?"  
"Well... good. Im doing good."  
"Nick, I... I know we havent seen each other for a long time, if Im not counting that moment when you appeared on my party last year, but... We miss you, buddy. It was a great time, back then, when you were a part of our crew. Didnt you ever think about coming back?"  
"Actually I did. A lot. But... a few things happened and now Im afraid that it would be impossible."  
"Why?"  
"I dont know, I think that Aaron wouldnt be happy if I would come back to the crew."

Billy looked at Nick.

"What exactly is going on between you and Aaron?" asked he.  
"Nothing. I guess that Aaron just has some problem with me."  
"Its because of... Zak?"  
"Why would it be because... Oh my God, you know that we..."

Nick felt like he is gonna throw up. He felt sick and his stomach changed to an aching, shaking mess.

Billy lowered his eyes.

"Nick, I... I realized it a few weeks ago, I realized that maybe you and Zak werent just friends, but Im... I dont think its a bad thing, I just... you know, Zak, he is... he is happy now."  
"So its true, Aaron sent you to tell me that Zak is better off without me!"  
"No, Nick, thats not right, I really was here in town and just thought about visiting you, nobody sent me, I came because I wanted to. Its just that... when you left, Zak was completely devastated and you could tell it easily, he wasnt sad, he was literally drowning in sorrow, he had some moments when he wasnt himself, sometimes, when we were investigatings, he just dissapeared and we when we finally found him, he was just standing somewhere, just standing still, he was staring into the distance, thinking about something and he was slowly breaking down, I knew he isnt doing good because you left, but I never knew that he is so depressed because you two were more than friends... And it wasnt better with time, he seemed to get worse, he wanted us to investigate dangerous places, so dangerous that I was worried about our lives and one day, after the Sin City investigation, he... he suddenly smiled again. And from that time on he was getting better. I saw that he is still sad, but it was a little bit better. He was laughing, making jokes again, he also wanted to have fun while filming the episodes and at that time I noticed that Aaron is always near to him, he was trying to cheer him up and somehow it worked."  
"So... now... Zak is happy?"  
"I guess... Well, he isnt exactly _happy_ , he is just... _happier_."  
"And you think that Aaron helped him?"  
"Yes, I do..."  
"And... do you think that Zak is now doing better than in the old times, when I was with him?"  
"Thats hard to say," sighed Billy, "but... he isnt that mean and angry. Yeah, sometimes he has his mood swings, but he cares about the members of our crew more. Earlier, he would risk our lives, no matter what, he would investigate no matter what happens, but today... when the investigation gets dangerous, he rather tells us to end it. He changed. Yes, of course, he still is into the ghost and demons stuff, a lot, and he wants to get evidence, but he thinks about our safety first."  
"And you think he changed because of Aaron?"  
"I dont know, man, but... Aaron is always near to him. Everytime when Zak seems to be lost in thoughts, sad, angry... he just comes and cheers him up somehow. Im glad we have Aaron in our crew... Who knows how it would be... how _Zak_ would be coping with his inner problems without him..."  
"You mean... me leaving him?"  
"Not exactly... Nick, he... he doesnt drink that much. He isnt gambling anymore. Sometimes he buys some tickets, but... he stopped visiting casinos."  
"And what is he doing?"  
"I dont know, he sits at home, eats healty stuff, I guess. Anyway, he is really doing better now. And... I think that Aaron helped him to change."

Nick sighed loudly.

_Thats it. Aaron did more for Zak in a few months than I have done in all the years..._

"But... what about you, Nick? How do you feel about that?"  
"Im fine, you know? I feel good and Zak... He does not... Im not..."  
Nick stood up quickly and turned to the window, covering his face with his palms, but the sob he made and the way his shoulders shook, Billy could tell he is crying.  
"Youre not telling me the truth, Nick, am I right?"

Nick leaned his forehead against the window.

"Im... Gosh, I guess it doesnt matter anymore, because you know whats going on. Youre right Billy, Im not fine. Its just that.... Zak... he is... He is the reason why Im still breathing..."  
"Did you tell him?"  
"No... I was afraid that if Im gonna tell him, he will force me to leave my family and I just cant do that because of my kids, you know? I cant... Im a father and I need to be a good one. I thought that Im gonna keep my relationship with Zak as a secret, but I cant keep it fair... Im hurting him, Im hurting myself, Im torn between two greatest things in my life - my family and my love and I dont know what to do..."  
"Tell Zak about it, maybe he is gonna give you some advice..."  
"Maybe he is gonna tell me to go away... Is he... in love with Aaron?"  
"Actually, I dont know... I never saw them being _close_ , if you understand, but... I see him laugh when he is with Aaron. I see his eyes sparkle a little, when he looks at Aaron. His voice is gentle and soft, when he talks to Aaron, so I think there is definitely some kind of affection between them and Im damn sure that Aaron loves Zak, but I dont know if Zak loves him back in the same way as Aaron does. Maybe he is gonna give you some chance."  
"I dont need a chance, I need a solution for this whole damn thing, Billy. But youre right, I thought about it before, I need to talk with Zak, to tell him how I feel, to see his reaction..."  
"I shouldnt been telling you this, but... Aaron is away right now, he is in Chicago, so you will have a chance to speak with Zak without anyone bothering you."  
"Thanks Billy, thank you for everything."  
"You dont need to thank me, Nick, I just want everyone to be alright and if it takes just one conversation, then... lets do it."  
"Youre right, Billy. Lets do it."

\--------------

Zak got out of his car, searching for his home keys in his many pockets, when his phone rang.  
It was Aaron.

"Hi Aaron, Im glad you call! Do you know how you complained that you would do anything for a good pumpkin-spiced latte in this time of year? I found a new coffee shop down in town and they have delicious flavours, so if you want to give it a try when you come back..."  
"Thats so great, babe," shouted Aaron happily. "I already had some plans for us, but a good coffee is something I cant say no to."  
"What plans?" wanted Zak to know.  
"Ive got an idea for a little trip."  
"What trip?"  
"Thats a surprise for you."  
"Is it somewhere to town?"  
"No, it takes a while to reach that place, its in the desert."  
"Is it a haunted canyon?" Zak was curious.  
"I dont know if this place has ghosts, its a little hill... Zak, stop asking questions, I said its a surprise!"  
"Maybe we can get the coffee and drink it in the car."  
"Now thats a goog idea! Im gonna be back soon and Im gonna pick you up at home around 7 o´clock."  
"Cant wait to see you," smiled Zak. "I miss you so much..."  
"Ill be back by you soon, dont worry. I need to go to catch the flight. Bye, babe."  
"Bye, _boo_."

Zak was still smiling, before the voice behind his back made him almost collapse.

"You are calling him _boo_?"

Zak stood frozen and felt like as if someone was squeezing his lungs and he was unable to breathe in. He wanted to turn around, but his legs somehow werent moving.

"And how does he call you? _Sweet-ass-of-mine_?"

Zak finally found the strength to turn around to Nick, staring at him silently.

"How?!" shouted Nick. "Tell me how does he call you?! Im gonna carve that word into the skin on his chest before I kill him!"  
Zak didnt say anything, he was still just piercing Nick with his eyes filled both with hurt and defiance.

"How? Tell me!" Nick was unstoppable.  
"Babe," murmured Zak.  
Nick was shaking with anger, but he just sarcastically repeated: " _Babe_? How ordinary."

"And how do you call your wife, Nick?" asked Zak after a while with a cold voice.  
"What? This doesnt have anything to do with the two of us!"  
"It does, Nick! I want you to tell me how you call Veronique in bed!"  
"Fuck, Zak, why? What has it to do with..."  
"Because I know how you call her. You think that I didnt hear you two getting on it when she went on a lockdown with us once? You called her _honey_ all the time! And because you dont change your habits, I bet myself that you still call her the same when shes with you in bed. So dont try to make me feel guilty because of how do I call Aaron or about how does _he call me_. He can call me however he wants to and likes to. Its not up to you."  
"It is, because clearly he is still trying to steal you from me! Youre mine, he has no right to call you his _babe_."  
"He has the right to do whatever he wants, Nick, because he doesnt need your permission! And neither do I! Im not your property, even if you handle me like that."  
"My property? I just want you to be only mine, in the same way that you want me to be yours! Aaron doesnt want you for himself? Dont tell me that he wasnt happy when I didnt show up for the Washoe Club investigation!"  
"No, he wasnt, because I wasnt! And the investigation was hard for him, but at least he was there! He _is_ there! He is always there! And you... you disappeared without telling us why! This is not just about me, its about all of us! When we were investigating in the Washoe club... Where the hell have you been, Nick? You said youre gonna be there! We communicated with Debbie and Mark! I know that youre no longer a member of our crew, but they were your friends too! We heard Debbies voice! And it was... _fucking heartbreaking_ , Nick! I cried like a child, I dont remember that I was ever crying in front of cameras like that, tears rolling down my face like waterfalls, but I couldnt help myself and you know that Im always trying to hide the fact that Im sometimes getting a little bit more emotional about stuff, but... You should have been there, Nick. You should have been there. Not just because of me, or Billy and Aaron, but because we spoke to our friends! They gave us a sign that afterlife is real! This is the best proof that we ever got! And you werent there with us! You know, when we were in the Washoe club, I thought about our documentary, the old one, the first one. I remember how Aaron was literally broken! He was so damn afraid, he was scared as hell, he wanted to quit! And I remember that I said that he maybe wants to go, but I know that you will never do that... And boom! You fucking did! You left! And the man, who lost everything because messing with ghosts stayed with us and he is still here! He never left, like you did! And when we were in the Washoe club, he was with me, holding me, trying to calm me down, telling me that its gonna be alright, that there is in fact no need to cry, because talking with Debbie through our devices means that she isnt gone forever! That it means that we can meet her and Mark and any of our passed loved once again, when we cross the edge of our lives one day! It should have been you, Nick! You should have been there, you should have been holding me, telling me that its gona be fine again, that everything will be fine! But you werent there! Aaron was. He never left me. Thats why I like him so much, because I can trust him!"  
"You think you cant trust me?" Nick was surprised.  
"Can I? Tell me, Nick, can I trust you? You never told me the truth, never! I fucking believed that you will never leave, I was as sure that you will stay with me as I am sure that the sun always comes up in the morning! And you left! You left me! So yeah, I think I cant trust you! Why did you say that you love me?"  
"Because I do, Zak!"  
"You liar! You never wanted me, you never wanted to be with me, you just wanted to own me, not to love me! When I was at the Washoe club, I realized, that..."  
Zak paused for a few seconds and took a deep breath. If he tells Nick what he is about to tell him, it means that this...

_...is the end._

"I realized, that your heart is cold, cold as ice, when it comes to me! Im just a thing, Im just an object for you, a toy without feelings that you can just throw away after you use it! And I... I dont want to be just a toy! I dont want to be _your_ toy!"  
"Thats not truth, Zak, youre not my toy!"  
"But I feel like that! _You_ make me feel like that!"  
"And how does Aaron make you feel?"  
"Aaron? He cares about me, he remembers what I like, he tries to cheer me up when Im down, he talks to me and whats more, he is listening to me, he does so many things just because I like to do them and he respects my opinion. Every time."  
Nick lowered his head: "So in other words, he is doing everything that Im not. Is that why you like him so much?"  
"Partly... He is next to me when I need it. He calls just to make sure that I got home safe. He can somehow sense that Im in a bad mood and tries to make me laugh. Im feeling well when Im with him."  
"So... you love him...?" asked Nick, but it sounded more like a statement than a question.  
"No! No... I... Fuck that shit, Nick," cursed Zak, "Im not gonna tell you about my feelings for anybody, when youre not willing to talk about the feelings we two have for each other in the first place!"  
"So you do," smirked Nick, but Zak could tell that he saw a shadow of sadness in his eyes for a split of a second.  
"No, I dont," said Zak stubbornly.  
"Tell me the truth, Zak."  
"Ok, fine, fine! I... I like him. I like him a lot if you need to know that. But... differently. Not like... _you_."

Nick took a step closer, caressing Zaks cheek with an unfamiliar softness.

"Does he really behave that nice to you?" asked he with a silent, gentle voice.  
"Yes, he does," answered Zak suspiciously, still surprised by Nicks sudden mood change.  
"Im glad that you have someone like Aaron, who loves you as much as he does. You deserve that. You deserve to be seen as the most amazing person alive, because thats what you are. Im happy he sees you like that. Because you deserve to be loved. Amongst all of the people that I know you deserve it the most."  
"What?" Zak couldnt believe his ears.  
"Zak, there is nothing, nothing in the world that I would want more than to be with you. I love you and I mean it, you know that I do. But I will never be able to give you everything you need and deserve. I cant do this anymore."  
"What... what do you mean?"

Zak felt his chest clench in pain. He asked Nick what does it all mean, but somewhere back in his head he knew what Nick meant.

_Is that how heartbreak feels like?_

"I cant lead you on like as if everything is alright, because its not. And never will be. I cant be your... boyfriend or something, I can be just an occasional lover and you deserve better than that. Im a wreck, Zak, and Im gonna ruin you if you let me stay."  
"Please... please, dont... dont do that," cried Zak, embracing Nick in a desperate hug.  
"I need to... We both need to, because this will give you the chance to live with someone, who can prove his love to you every single day. Its not me. Im not the one who deserves you. You will be better off without me."  
"Please, dont say that," Zak was shaking with cry, clenching on Nicks hoodie with his fists like a little child.  
"I heard you talk to him. I saw you smile. Thats what I want for you, to smile while making plans for a date. To be happy. Im not the one who is making you smile. Im ruining you. Im sorry, Zak, so sorry. Im sorry for everything Ive done and Im even more sorry for everything I havent."  
"Youre leaving me," mumbled Zak through the tears.  
"No, Zak, Im letting you live a better life without me."  
"But I cant live withou you," cried Zak.  
"Its gonna be alright, _pretty boy_. Youre gonna be safe with him, I promise."

_Pretty boy_. This time it didnt sound like sex. It sounded sad like a funeral song. And soft like a touch of a feather.

Nick cupped Zaks face with his hands: "Best things at life come with a price. And letting me go is the price you need to pay to get something greater and better for you. Youre gonna be alright, my love, dont worry. He is gonna take better care of you than me. I love you... and I didnt want to hurt you, Zak, but I did and I cant bear the feeling of knowing that its me who caused you to cry. I dont want to hurt you anymore. Its time for me to stop holding you back from living a fullfilled life, its time for me to stop dragging you down. Its time for me to go..."  
"I dont want you to go, no, no, please, dont go, Nick, please, dont leave me..."

Zak was clenching on Nicks body even more than before, the chestpain he thought is so bad that it cant get worse felt now like liquid hellfire absorbing his heart. He didnt want to let go of Nick and Nick pressed his lips on Zaks, kissing him slowly and desperately and Zak knew that this is meant to be the last time.

_This is goodbye..._

Nick turned away without saying anything else.  
Zak watched him walk away and step in the car and leave. He was just standing in front of his house, staring at the empty driveway with tears in his eyes for nearly twenty minutes before he finally forced himself to move and went into his house, where he collapsed in tears, sitting on the floor next to the couch, crying and cursing, letting out all of the emotions he held inside of him for too long.

\------------

When Aaron aarived to Zaks house, he found it surrounded by darkness. The front door was slightly open and Aaron stepped inside.

"Zak! God, what happened to you?" Aaron sat down on the floor next to Zak, who turned to him, eyes red and swollen, tears still streaming down his face like endless waterfalls. Aaron pulled him closer.

"Im here, babe, its gonna be alright, Im here..."

Zak was unstoppable. He was shaking with cry and Aaron was holding him, silently caressing his back, because somehow he knew what possibly could happen, sitting with Zak in a painfull position, but he didnt mind his aching back, he just wanted to calm Zak down, to be here for him.

It took an hour for Zak to slowly stop crying.

"Nick... he was there," whined Zak, still out of breath, recovering from one of his most worst breakdowns.  
"Do you wanna talk about it?" asked Aaron, wiping the tears off Zaks face with his thumbs.  
"I dont think so," lowered Zak his head. "Sorry."  
"You dont have to be sorry, Zak. Youre gonna tell me later. Maybe you will never tell me. But its ok, I know that its hard for you to talk about him."  
"Thank you," whispered Zak and cuddled closer to Aaron, hiding in his big, warm embrace for a little more time.

\------------

Nick drove the car he borrowed for hours, not knowing where he really is, because he wasnt paying attention to traffic signs. He ended up on a small road leading to a forest. He got out of the car, taking a few steps forward, till he fell down on his knees.

He didnt want to let Zak go, but he knew he made the right choice. He cant make Zak happy. And Zak deserves to be happy, because...

_Because he was always making me feel good._  
Because he did everything for me.  
Because he was desperate, when I left and tried to let me know how much he misses me.  
Because I didnt call back.  
Because he loved me.  
And above this all, I want him to be happy because... because I love him... 

\-----------

"So? Are we still going on a trip?" asked Zak, when he collected himself a little.  
"Do you still want to go?"  
"Kinda... I think that I need to get out of here, at least for tonight."  
"Then lets go," smiled Aaron and helped Zak to get back on his legs. He grabbed his hand and led him to the car.

They drove for more than 2 hours, stopping only for two pumpkin-spiced coffees, one sugar-free for Zak, one extra strong for Aaron. When they arrived to a dead-end, Aaron got out of the car, took a bag and Zak was following him to a place on a little hill, with the desert and whole city like a miniature toy town under it.

"What are we doing here?" wondered Zak.  
"Were gonna look at the stars."  
"Really?" raised Zak his eyebrows and then turned his stare to the sky.  
"Oh my God," breathed Zak out. Aaron hugged him from behind.  
"Its beautiful, isnt it?"

Zak could only nod his head. Millions of stars were glistening like little diamonds.

"It looks like a dark sea full of floating gemstones... Look! Look, theres a shoting star!"

Aaron smiled in relief. Zaks eyes were shining like all the stars above them. He was like a little boy, the shooting star catched his attention and made him smile. At least for this one little moment everything was alright, everything was fine.  
"Did you wish for something?" asked Aaron.  
"I did. And you?"  
"Actually... yeah, I asked for a little... something."  
"What is it?"  
"I cant tell you, the wish wont get fullfilled if you tell someone what you wished for."  
"Youre still like a little kid, arent you?"  
"I am. But this little kid prepared a deck chair here in case you would want to sit down," smiled Aaron.  
"Oh... yeah, I would like to," agreed Zak.

Aaron sat down with Zak, who was in front of him, and Zak leaned his back against Aarons chest. Aaron reached for his bag, took out a blanket and covered Zaks legs.

"Comfortable?" asked he and pulled Zak closer, embracing him.

Zak nodded and closed his eyes for a while. He thought about how it feels to be here with Aaron, resting in his arms and then he tried to imagine how it would feel if Nick would be here, holding him close, keeping him warm and leaving him relax although he would be sitting in a tensed position. It was impossible to happen and again, it made Zaks eyes fill with tears.

"He left me," said Zak with a silent voice, his eyes still closed.  
"I dont think he would ever do that. What did he say?"  
"That Im gonna be safe in your hands. That youre gonna take care of me. That he is leaving me so I can live a better life."  
Aaron shook his head in disbelief: "He said that you will be safe with me? Maybe I need to change my opinion on this guy."  
"He said that Im gonna be alright without him."  
Zak turned to Aaron with eyes full of tears and Aarons heart almost broke when he saw the pain in Zaks beautiful sea-blue eyes, as he asked with a crackling voice: "Am I?"

Aaron held him tight: "I dont know, Zak, but I promise you, that I will do anything to make you feel good and safe, I will do everything, whatever it takes. I will keep you safe at any cost or at least die trying, you have my word. Theres nothing and no one I would ever put in front of you. _You_ are all that matters to me."

Zak was silent for a while and then, all of a sudden, he just quickly said: "I want it to be like that."  
"Huh?"  
"I want it to be like that forever.  
"But what?"  
"Everything. Like that, like this moment. I want to feel like this all the time."  
Aaron smiled and kissed Zak in the hair.  
"Im glad that you like my idea for a trip."  
"Its amazing, all those stars... Its like I never saw them shine so bright before."  
"Zak, I want you to know, that..." started Aaron slowly. "Well... this starry sky will always be here. Everytime you look up to the sky at night, the stars will shine. Sometimes its cloudy and you cant see the stars, but you know that they are there behind the clouds and... my love for you... its the same. No matter how many clouds will cover up our sky, the stars will always be there behind them. My love for you is everlasting, like those stars. No matter what happens, I will love you, Zak. Always."

Zak focused his stare on the sky. For a minute he was just connecting those shining dots in his mind, creating new constelations just for fun. 

"Aaron?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What would you say if... I would tell you that I love you?"  
"I would say that I love you back," whispered Aaron.  
"Ok... But I... didnt... say anything," said Zak.  
Aaron just pulled him closer.  
"Aaron... I thought about us and I... I want to be with you. I want to give it a try, like... officially. I dont know if Im ready to tell the world, because..."  
"I get it. _We have worked years to get our reputation_ ," used Aaron a line from the Ghost Adventures intro. "Nobody needs to know about us, it doesnt matter to me. If you want to keep it as a secret, Im ok with that. Our crew is working together for a long time and every one of us has his public image. We dont need to change that if you dont want to."  
"Do you still want to be with me?"  
"I do. And if you want to try it, then Im gonna be the happiest man on earth."  
"I... Nick is... I think he will forever be a part of me, but... he doesnt love me the way you do. Nobody does."  
"I think Nick loves you with all his heart."  
"What makes you think that?"  
"He didnt break up with you because he would be angry at you or because he doesnt want to be with you, but because he knews that he would be forever forced to choose whether to spend his time with his family or with you. He knows it isnt fair to you, to his wife and to his kids, but he cant change that. He cant just leave his family and he doesnt want to give you false hopes, because you deserve better. He wants you to be happy. I think that letting you go was the hardest thing to do for him, but he did that because he knows that he cant give you what you need. And that proves to me that he really loves you. He could continue with using you, but he didnt, because he wants something better for you. He wouldnt let you go, if he wouldnt love you. It sure was painfull for him and I have no doubt that he is hurt as much as you are but he did what he thought is the best for you."  
"So he maybe really loves me..."  
"I think so."  
"Well, maybe he does, but still... He doesnt love me like you. Nobody loves me like you do. You know what? Im gonna take care of you too. Im gonna protect you, I swear. I cant promise you to not send you alone in a haunted basement," laughed Zak, "but I will do it only if it will be safe for you."  
"Thank you," smiled Aaron.  
"No... you dont need to thank me, Aaron. I... I need to thank _you_. Im... I _was_ so lonely... Nick, he was there, I mean... _there_ , but not with me and when you and I... when we got closer I somehow realized that this is it. That this is what I want. I just want you to put your arms around me, to surround me with your love and... I dont want to be nowhere else than just in your embrace, because without Nick, Im sad, I cant take it, but without you... I feel lost, so fucking lost and its so overwhelming that I would rather be dead than be without you... If I wouldnt have you, I wouldnt have nothing at all. I dont want you to think that I want to be with you because Nick left me. I want to be with you because... because _I want it_. I cant explain it, but... there is nothing, _nothing_ that I would want more at this moment than just to be here, in your arms, watching the stars together, just me and you. I need you, Aaron... I... Nick is... he still is... But its different now, somehow. I just never found the strenght to tell Nick that something changed. I wanted to, but... I just never did, I dont know why, I was too weak to do that. I guess he did the decision for me and maybe... maybe he really did whats the best for me because... because being with you, thats _the best_. And I know it. And I want it. I dont want nothing else. I dont want _no one else_. I want _you_. I want to be with _you_."  
"I want to be with you too."  
"So that means that we are gonna try it?"  
"I would love to."  
"Okay," smiled Zak shyly. "Aaron... we are... we are fine, right?"  
"Yeah, we are fine," said Aaron.  
Zak cuddled even closer, hiding under the blanket with Aaron and he allowed himself to finally be at peace with himself and the whole world for a while, because here, in Aarons embrace, theres nothing that he needs to worry about.

Aaron looked back to the sky. Another shooting star crossed the dark horizon and Aaron just smiled for himself, knowing that he doesnt need to make another wish, because the first he made a while ago - to be with Zak - just now came true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Od, dear Lord, I just cant... My NAK heart is aching and burning and dying and... I dont know what else, but its painfull. I wanted so much for this fic to end happy, for Zak to be with Nick, but sometimes... well, always :-D, when I write something, in some point the story just starts to write itself, the characters are alive and they are doig what THEY do, not what I do and sometimes Im getting angry at the characters in my story, because they are doing mistakes and bad decisions and I cant stop them. I know, Im the writer, but... I think that many of you will understand, you start to write, you know how you want to end it, but the story just goes on its own path and leads you to another ending... I wanted so bad for Nick and Zak to find a way together, but I just couldnt find out how to do it and I tried to write this fic in line with reality (or at least with the scenes that are in the episodes), so... you can see Zak being happy with Aaron. He became better. And I F*CKING NEED MY SWEET BABY BOY TO BE HAPPY, and you all know that about me, so... I... Im... Im just crying... but.. its better that way, right? Or not? I dont know but... I feel like Aaron is gonna take care of Zak, no matter what happens and thats what Zak needs, to have someone who loves him and can be with him every day...


End file.
